I'm Not A Survivor, But I Play One On TV
December 12, 2003
Ok, everybody MUST go read Television Without Pity's recaplet of last night's episode of Survivor, which was like, the best thing EVER. The full recap should be a hoot, since the recaplet includes the best sentence ever written about Burton. "He is seriously the tooliest tool that ever tooled." My god, that's literary genius.
I won't even attempt to describe Burton after that. Jon? Hate him with every fiber of my being, which makes me hate him even more because he's not worth spending that kind of emotional energy on. My only hope is that after his 15 minutes as Johnny Fairplay/Rotten/Fuckface are up, he'll never get laid again because the entire female population has seen just how repulsive he really is.
Lil? A self-righteous pipsqueak. I want her to go away.
Darrah? No personality to speak of, and an annoying voice to boot. But three immunity wins in a row? Damn, don't mess with tiny Southern morticians, y'all.
Sandra? Loved her at first, then not so much. Started out the ep on a low point by threatening to sabotage the camp in a babyish tantrum hissyfit. But how could you not root for the girl who gave us the classic Jon-sound-bite: "He's an ass" and was the only contestant who seemed to realize that the Dead Granny Fairplay story was bogus? Plus, I think she's pretty.
So in summary: Boo Burton, go away Lil, tentative golf claps for Darrah and Sandra, and Jon is the douchiest douche that ever douched.