Nothing Good Will Come of This
December 17, 2003
A Krispy Kreme has opened near my office. And not just a little kiosk or Dunkin' Donuts-type storefront. Nay, this Krispy Kreme is a mammoth, freestanding structure...it eclipses both the bank and the Starbucks nearby. And this Starbucks has a freaking solarium. The Krispy Kreme has an antique truck parked out front, representing the donut trucks of olde, I guess...and a drive-thru in the back. Yes, that's right. Drive-thru donuts.
My friend Christine and I, after completely pigging out at Chipotle for lunch, decided a little sweet something was in order to quench the hot salsa aftermath, and went to the drive-thru. After getting the hard sell on the dozen donuts...complete with a mini-economics lesson on how the dozen is cheaper if you try to buy more than 5 individual donuts...we opted for classic glazed and maple iced and two skim milks.
We drove around to the window and got a glimpse of Donut Nirvana inside...a freaking conveyor belt covered in about 500 classic Krispy Kreme glazed donuts. Christine remarked on what a nice place Krispy Kreme must be to work at, except for the persistent acne one probably gets from the air inside the store, which is pungent with hot bubbling donut fat. The very chipper drive-thru people gave us our donuts in the happy green and white polka-dotted box and two humungous milks.
We totally pigged out in the office parking garage on the freshest donuts I have ever tasted, and I drank more milk in one sitting than I have in a year. I can feel my bones getting denser by the minute.
Anyway, it was quite the outing. But now I want more. A lot more. I want a crack at that conveyor full of donuts. I am Homer Simpson. And I forgot to deposit my paycheck so I have to go back to the bank which is next to the Krispy Kreme and I don't think I can handle it. There's heroin in them there donuts, stay away!
Also, it's snowing again, which means another delightful commute.
I better stock up on donuts.