For your consideration: An IM conversation with one of my nearest and dearest coworkers. In which we conspire to maim or murder the voice on the other end of the company emergency call-in hotline that dragged our asses into work on time every day of this god-forsaken week, known herein as "Principal Skinner." Much self-adoration and incoherent silliness, etc.
Sprocketeer: may i go home now?
Sprocketeer: i'm like, dying over here man
Me: this day is draggggggggggging
Me: and i've wasted so much of it too
Sprocketeer: totally - i'm dying
Me: i'm experiencing rigor mortis
Sprocketeer: i'm experiencing work hatred
Me: i'm experiencing principal skinner murder fantasies
Sprocketeer: do tell!
Me: well, i was thinking of poisoning the water cooler, replacing his visine with tobasco, tampering with his pencil sharpener, or maybe just shooting him in his ugly little pig face...basically anyway to hurt him without coming into any direct contact with his greasiness
Sprocketeer: that sounds like a start. maybe you should throw in dumping a few gallons of honey on his head, tying him to a tree on top of a red ant hill. then stand there and laugh at his agony.
Me: mwa ha ha
Me: if i could think of a way to trick him into standing in the middle of the street, I could just run him over with a big truck
Sprocketeer: or just pelt him with skunks
Me: skunks with laser beams attached to their heads
Sprocketeer: i'm dying laughing over here
Sprocketeer: if this isn't fresh material, i don't know what is
Me: we are so fricking hilarious
Me: we should totally be famous
Sprocketeer: i know!
Sprocketeer: step aside red buttons.... there's a new sheriff in town!
Me: i should put this on my blog...think anyone would recognize him?
Sprocketeer: probably but i say go for it
Me: "ugly little pig face" is kind of a giveaway
Sprocketeer: do you think he haggles over the price of a haircut at hair cuttery?
Me: i could edit it…there’s no journalistic integrity in the blog world
Sprocketeer: i think you should edit the blog and use the name "principal skinner"
Sprocketeer: i'm sure monday when the "wintry mix" arrives he will say we’re opening on time yet again and to do our best to work from home.
Me: what alias would you like?
Sprocketeer: for principal skinner or myself?
Me: for yous
Sprocketeer: or superintendent chalmers
Me: am totally posting this
Sprocketeer: hee hee - tell me when you're done so i can take a gander
Sprocketeer: when are we having lunch again
Me: i'm so up for it anytime. i'm done with this place
Sprocketeer: let's go somewhere delish like rio grande... i'm having a craving big time
Me: mmmmm enchiladas
Sprocketeer: mmmmm complimentary chips and water
Sprocketeer: i luv me some queso
Sprocketeer: i think i will have spaghetti o's for dinner again
Me: oh my god i love spaghettios
Sprocketeer: i love dipping tostitos in them
Me: i still buy them and eat them all the time
Sprocketeer: i usually wait until the expiration date -- just to live a little
Me: i really need a puking smiley
Sprocketeer: i'm sure one exists
Sprocketeer: i feel like i haven't done jack squat today
Me: you have helped me with a blog entry, and that's noblest pursuit I know of
Sprocketeer: is it up?
Sprocketeer: did you conceal the identity of greazy pig face?
Me: not yet, plus you keep saying funny things that i want to include, so quit it