Calling All Fame Whores!
We're Sorry, Today's Show is Postponed Due to Technical Fuck-Ups

I, Dumbass

Or: Incredibly Stupid Shit I've Done Today, And It’s Not Even Lunchtime:

1) I very nearly choked and died while taking a multivitamin. I started swallowing the pill before I even had my glass of juice up to my lips. Gag reflex ensued, but the vitamin got stuck in the back of my throat. Rather than take a swig of juice to dislodge it, I panicked and stood there gagging on it for a good 30 seconds.

But in the end, I’m alive and full of nutrients.

2) While blow-drying my hair, I noticed that the little lint filter thing was pretty gross looking. So I popped the dryer open and started picking out lint. After deciding this was taking entirely too long, I put the filter back in the dryer and closed it up. Only I put the filter in the opposite way, because I figured this way I couldn’t see all the gross lint. Problem solved. Until I turned the dryer on and a big cloud of lint and dust came shooting out and into my hair.

3) I carried a bag of trash all the way out to my car before realizing that I’d forgotten to drop it in the trash room back in my building.

4) I was dumped by my Pet Boyfriend because I totally forgot to go visit him. And I was kinda bummed about this.



I hope you at least unplugged your hair dryer before you opened it up.

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