Haiku Smackdown, New & Improved
March 29, 2004
(Okay, I just posted this over at the Thursday Haiku Smackdown's official site, but I like it so much I'm posting it here too. Reruns! But since I'll be away until Thursday morning I didn't want all you Amalaholics to go cold turkey, so here. Drink, for this is my body. Which is so going to hell now. Byeee!)
Greetings 'Ku Fans, I'm your host for this week's Smackdown and as such, I am the boss of you. The very bossy boss of you.
After consulting with the Powers That Be over at the JLB, we've decided to up the ante a little this week. You've proven yo'selves to be quite the proficient 'ku writers, so this week? It ain't gonna be about the numbers.
After last week's spectacular showing, the world knows we can rapid-fire 'ku like nobody's bizness. We can do hundreds and hundreds of haiku in a span of a few hours. We can 'ku about the weather and our lunch and how much we hate meetings and blah blah blah. While fun for those in the heat of the haiku hotness, its kinda boring for anyone who has to poke in occasionally and scroll through those hundreds and hundreds of bland little verses.
So this week, we're going for quality of 'ku, not quantity. You can still post as many as you want, of course, but think before you do so. Be funny. Be witty. Be snarky. And above all, be snarky and witty and funny.
I'm also giving you a theme, because I'm mad (mad!) with power. Also because Zoot made me an author on this blog, and not you. This week's theme is: POP CULTURE 'KU.
Now that's pretty broad, so let me give you some examples.
I miss The Muppets.
The theme song is stuck in the
windmills of my mind.
Work sucks! I hate my
boss! He's ugly and now it's
raining wah wah wah.
"You're fired," said Trump
to Awful Assorama.
Music to my ears.
Hey, I just farted.
And my bra hurts my boobs, yo.
Where's my vibrator?
I trust you get the idea.
We also shall be crowning a Grand Haiku Master. This was something we planned to do after the very first Smackdown, but we were too busy doing heroin. Or something. Whatever. We forgot. But now we remember!
The esteemed title of Grand Haiku Master will go to the 'ku-er who makes us laugh the most, using the strict and precise criteria of snorting liquid out the nasal passages. Inane little 'kus about your socks or bladder functions will not win you the title. Hilarious little 'ku about Judith Light fan art or Duran Duran lyrics? Will totally make us want to marry you.
If the Master has a blog, we'll make you a little banner image thingie (well, Chris will, as soon as I tell him about any of this) to display on your site and lord over your friends and coworkers. If you don't have a blog, well, why the hell not? Get with the '00s, people. Even Jan Brady has a blog now, for crissakes.
Anyway. This Thursday. Amalah.com. Bring your sense of humor and your puns and your Jerry Orbach farewells.