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February 2004
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April 2004

The Non-Packing Packing Diary

7:21 p.m. Home from work. Finally. Grr. 7:26 Check email. 7:30 Get out suitcase. Attempt to rip old airport baggage tags off. 7:32 Get scissors. 7:33 Cut tags off. Peel sticky ends apart and stick on cat. 7:36 Vodka. 7:39 Open suitcase. Find old batteries and mini-shampoos. 7:40 Put pink pinstripe PJ bottoms and pink tank top in suitcase. Adorableness. 7:42 Cannot resist adorableness of pink pinstripe PJs. Put on. 7:44 Put less adorable blue jersey PJs in suitcase. Because really. 7:40 Look for Tuesday and Wednesday's Care Bear thongs. 7:43 Still looking. 7:47 Where? Where? 7:49 Find them in... Read more →

Haiku Smackdown, New & Improved

(Okay, I just posted this over at the Thursday Haiku Smackdown's official site, but I like it so much I'm posting it here too. Reruns! But since I'll be away until Thursday morning I didn't want all you Amalaholics to go cold turkey, so here. Drink, for this is my body. Which is so going to hell now. Byeee!) Greetings 'Ku Fans, I'm your host for this week's Smackdown and as such, I am the boss of you. The very bossy boss of you. After consulting with the Powers That Be over at the JLB, we've decided to up the... Read more →


I'm going to Florida tomorrow morning. For work, though, before y'all amp up your "Yay! Have fun! Get some sun, etc." comments. I'll be back late (laaaate) Wednesday night. FIVE REASONS WHY I VERY MUCH DO NOT WANT TO GO ON THIS TRIP: 1) I'm going to miss not one, but TWO episodes of American Idol. I'm going to miss Gilmore Girls and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Scrubs. The Apprentice. South Park. These are two momentous days of television and my lone TiVo will not be able to handle it all. Decisions must be made. I may also,... Read more →

A Memorandum

To: All Users of the Ladies’ Room, Which Would Mean, Basically, All Ladies. From: Amy, Queen of Everything, Esq. Re: Toilet Seat Covers The paper toilet seat covers supplied in our restroom are a wonderful public service. No one wants to share ass-germs with anyone else, no matter how delightful we may find you otherwise. While they are thin and flimsy, they are a comfort to many of us who secretly think that you? Are skanky. However, it has come to my attention that someone(s) (somebody(s)? some dipshit(s)?) is/are taking a paper seat cover and then changing their mind and... Read more →

Today I Shall Eat Lettuce Like a Little Bunny

It's Friday. Friday Friday Friday. Friday. Aaaaand, it's beautiful outside, which put me in the BEST MOOD this morning. I was all set to write a post about bunnies and sunshine and the Return of the Cadbury Creme Egg. But. Then. (You knew the happy couldn't last, right?) I decided today would be a lovely day to break out some capris from last year. I have these linen ones that are very earth-mother-granola-I-heart-the-universe and I wanted to wear them. Well guess what? Right, you saw where this was going before I even started. They didn't fit. At all. The side... Read more →

Today is Why I Created the Got Nuthin' Category In the First Place

Jeez, where have I been all day? Well, two places. No wait, three. Shit, four. Ok. Four places. 1) Haiku Smackdown at Zoot's place. At last count? Over 580 haikus, not including people with the mad multiple verse post action. Tis a site to behold. 2) Work. Duh. 3) A bridal shower for a coworker that I COMPLETELY forgot about until 10:30. The shower was at 12:30. I freaked out about a gift (in haiku form, of course) until 11:30 when I went out and got the always thoughtful and appropriate gift of a wad of cash. Then I ate... Read more →

Haiku Smackdown IV: I Know What You Did Last Thursday

Thank goodness it's Wednesday, because Wednesday means I can be lazy and just post some crap about tomorrow's Thursday Haiku Smackdown. Tomorrow morning, get your 'ku on over at Zoot's. She'll have a post and a little fluffy comments board all ready for you. She also made the Smackdown its very own website! It rocks and is so pretty. It also very nearly killed her, so y'all better sing her some major 5-7-5 praises tomorrow. Now (and I know this may confuse some people) is NOT going to be hosting the Smackdown. Like, ever. Because all of us? Are... Read more →

The "My Pictures" Folder of Doom

While I'm off thinking of something Fun and Interesting to write about, here are some completely random photos I found on my computer. There is no narrative thread to this photo essay whatsoever. I have no idea when most of these were taken or why I have them on my computer at work. Especially the ones from my friend's bachelorette party with the stripper. I really shouldn't have those here. And I'm not posting them either. He wasn't very good-looking and the one of him on my lap has someone's thumb in the way, so you're really not missing out... Read more →

Amy vs. The Department of Education

OR, AMY IS PROBABLY AN IDIOT BUT WE'RE BLAMING SOMEONE ELSE ENTIRELY So I got this letter from the Department of Education on Friday, saying that the automatic debiting of my student loan payment had been halted. (PANIC ATTACK #1: Oh shit, oh shit...did I change my information when I opened that new bank account? Did I just default on my student loans? Oh shit.) The second sentence of the letter said that the automatic debiting of my student loan payment had been halted because the loans were no longer in repayment status. (JOY ATTACK #1: Holy shit! I've paid... Read more →

Baby Max and the Unbearable Cuteness

So I was going to do this whole Max-related post to preface the following, but I? Do not have time. Plus it's starting to sound all cutesy-wutesy crazy cat ladyish, so obviously I want to punch myself in my own damn face now. Maybe some other time. For now? I think this is all the cutesy-wutesy-ness the world can handle. And by "this" I mean Max's baby pictures, from when he was all brand new. These were taken in the dark times. The pre-digital camera times. They've been preserved on a FLOPPY DISK. They're old. And blurry. But still? So... Read more →