Alright Already
Your Regularly Scheduled Funny


Ok. This post is not for everyone. If you know me in real life, I think it’s best if you just move along. If you're a coworker? Don't even think about it. Seriously: begging, demanding, and all that. This is my space, and you need to step back.

I’ve been trying to get pregnant for awhile now. That probably doesn’t surprise too many of you who can read between the lines of no caffeine and a lot less stories that start out with, “Ok, so while I was totally drunk this weekend…”

“For awhile now” means since September 2002. Stuff went wrong. My period went away. Nothing happened. Meh. Clomid was the answer, according to my doctor. No, I don’t know if my tubes are blocked. No, we haven’t had a semen analysis. We’re lazy and assuming we’re only dealing with one layer of problems for now.

So this past month: Five days of Provera to force me to have my first period since September 2003. Five days of Clomid. Sex, sex, sex. Blood test to check progesterone levels to see if I actually ovulated. This week was supposed to bring either a period or a positive pregnancy test. I didn’t think I was pregnant...I didn’t feel pregnant. But I was sure I ovulated. I was sure something had finally worked. Now it was just getting the timing right. And maybe…maybe I was pregnant. It was finally, finally a possibility for the first time.

At 4 p.m. yesterday my doctor’s office called. No ovulation. Not even close. Time to start the whole process all over again at double the dose. No biggie. Better luck this month.

I went home and drank a bottle of wine. What’s the point now? Waaaahh and self-pity and all that. And I cried and tantrumed and drama queened. The words “what if” and “never” were thrown around a lot. I don’t want to do it again. I hate Clomid. It gave me headaches and hot flashes and basically turned me into one colossal, hormonal freak-out all month long. Sex on command. Not in the mood? Tough. Chop chop, the calendar dictates copulation. Anyone who tells you to “Enjoy the trying!” should be dragged out back and shot.

And then after the bad sex you wait for two weeks. Treating yourself like you’re pregnant, hoping you are, suspecting you’re not. Turning down alcohol at dinner while friends suddenly shriek, “You’re PREGNANT, aren’t you?!” and then congratulating you before you can stop them.

And Clomid is the Junior Miss of infertility treatments. It’s the chocolate cupcake of fertility pills. This is the easy one, y’all. I’ve done it once. People on my sidebar have been through the hell of failed IVF cycles and miscarriages and ectopics (and all of the above) and still have no baby. Shut up, Amy.

I’m not strong like them. Like Julie and Monica and all the others. Even if they don’t feel strong...I couldn’t go through what they’ve been through and still be anything other than a drooling, manic-depressive mental patient. They’re amazing women and I’m a spoiled, weak little brat.

And if I can’t hack this…Jesus. I don’t even know how to finish that sentence. I had a dream last night that I woke up and there was this little baby…just old enough to stand up on wobbly legs…holding on to the edge of my bed. I picked him up and cooed his name and pulled him into bed with Jason and I. He was gorgeous and chubby and the feel and smell of his little body was so real it makes my chest constrict just thinking about it.

Then I woke up and killed my hangover with a strong cup of coffee and some Excederin. Then I stopped at the pharmacy and re-filled all the prescriptions for Provera, Clomid and prenatal vitamins.



Amy, I've got a lot of things working against me being able to make a decent comment here (first and foremost, I'm a guy) but I truly respect and admire your post today. And if you ever need to scream, yell, bitch, moan or even throw things (light things, mind you), you can do so in my general direction anytime. I'm trying to learn a little bit bout all this myself. I'll keep the good thoughts coming for you.


I'm here for you, too.


Isn't it amazing how we find the strength when we feel at our weakest. I am afraid I don't have the right words to say. But, maybe just knowing that you have someone else out there hoping for you, will help. Now do something nice for yourself, like buy some flowers or eat some chocolate. That always helps me!


Amy, please know that none of us feel strong either, but we are. And so are you. You are going through the same thing, just a different protocol. The pain is the same. I'm so very sorry for you. I'll be thinking about you and sending you all of the luck I can.


Bless your heart, sweetie. You're in all our thoughts. Plus, you look so adorable today, I just can't stand it! Are you doing something new with your ass?


I wasnt sure if I was supposed to read this since I dont "know" you, but I'm glad I did. Without boring you with the details, lets just say I've had the same thoughts...and am in the same "stage" of unsuccessful trying (more or less) and I too - dont feel like I'm stronge enough to battle what the women on your sidebar do. So, just know that you made ME happy knowing I'm not the only one struggling after so little "challenge". You inspire me Amy, you make me laugh and I'll send positive thoughts your way - again - I hope it wasnt an intrusion to read this entry - I thought I was safe since I wasnt a co-worker.


I know exactly what you're going through - it's the worst wondering when and if it will ever happen - but you must stay positive and strong (I know - easier said than done). I'm here anytime you want to chat!


oh amy.. i'm so sorry. i was so worried about you. damnit knew something wasn't right when i hadn't heard from you in awhile.. no emails post survivor episodes.. sweetie.. it's going to be okay. i know this is a huge disappointment, but something will work for you. i know it and you know it too.. you are meant to be a mommy. you're the sweetest, most caring, loyal friend and one day you'll be all that and a mommy too.


Amy, keep trying. My parents tried for 5 years before I was born, and, yes, my mother was indeed just about a mental patient towards the end of it, from what she's told me. Hang in there, and things will work out eventually. We're all here for you.


Can I tell you something funny, babe?

I have done Clomid. I have done Lupron. I've done estrogen pills and estrogen patches. I have done Repronex, Follistim, Bravelle, and progesterone. And you know what? Clomid kicked my ass all the way around the block, twice as hard as any of the others.

Really. It is bad shit and you are not a wuss. And I want you to have that baby.


Hi? I'm totally lame? And just now reading your archives?

Sweetie, let me tell you something you already believe to be true: Clomid SUCKS. I had five or six cycles of it, and luckily that is all I needed to get pregnant three times, but I can't say it was easy. And by the way? Those three times were not the three times I had a baby. Oh, no. The first pregnancy ended at 22 weeks (long story) and the last one was a result of drunken unprotected sex after everyone and their secretary told me I couldn't get pregnant on my own. Go figure.

I'm crossin' my fingers for you hon. If you ever want to chat or vent, you know where to find me.


Okay, this post is like over a year old and yes, you are pregnant now but I just discovered you and I'm reading through the archives. And I'm totally feeling your pain. I'm taking Clomid also, and trying to figure out why in the name of god don't I ovulate. And just wanting so desperately to have a baby. Congratulations to you for you successful pregnancy, I can't wait to get to those posts and read all about it. But Clomid is making me nuts also, seriously, it makes me like the most evil witch in all the world. It turns me into this crazy raving bitch and THEN my husband has to have sex with me? That scene from 9 months with the praying mantis comes to mind... Anyway, sorry for the year late comments.

The comments to this entry are closed.