Wussified
Haiku Smackdown!!

Your Regularly Scheduled Funny

(First, much lurve & squee to all my awesome friends who left comments on the previous freak-out post. Thank you all for caring about me and my defective ovaries. Pair of bitches, them.)

Annnnnnnnyway...

I don't really have much to say today, but the tone of this page was entirely too serious. And if there's one thing I hate, it's tonal seriousness. Among many, many other things.

So here's just a bunch of random crap. Yay, random crap!

First, here's Miss Doxie's not-so-subtle hint that maybe Lauren and I should address what the hell ever happened to her on the Bold & the Bloglicious:

Where's Miss Doxie?

Noted. So here's Part 12: Oh Yeah, Those Guys

Second, I'm going to JournalCon! Aren't you? Of course you are. It's in Washington, DC, August 20-22. Wooo, it's right by my house! But I'm still doing the hotel thing, rooming with someone who's bound to be a bad influence. So. Freaking. Awesome.

Lastly, another IM with Sprocketeer, right after we returned from a delicious and nutritious lunch out:

Sprocketeer: oh - (so-and-so) came in to my office when i got back and was like "where have you been, you disappeared for hours"

Me: tell her you were off blowing her boyfriend

Comments

Coleen

I cannot wait, dude
Journal Con will rock the house
So drunk we'll all be.

(Okay, I am SO done with haiku now.)

Leigh

My Haiku:

Excuse me. I think
You are forgetting about
YOUR OTHER ROOMMATE.


Amalah

Yes. JournalCon is going to rock. We've reserved 700 square feet of ABSOLUTE MAYHEM at the Hotel Helix.

LAUREN!!! That wedding you're in? The weekend of JCon? Cannot happen. Sleep with the groom-to-be or something.

Chris

Apparently I need to read up on this JournalCon thing and make plans to be there in August!

Coleen

SOMEONE is bitter
Thinking that she's out of it.
Leigh, we love you, yo.

(Dear Lord, save me from the haiku already.)

Lauren

Bridesmaid, bridesmaid, yo.
I'd rather do J-Con, yo.
But OH my DRESS, yo.

Lauren

I am troubled, see.
Who will teach ass dusting class?
Poor dusty asses.

Chris

What is up with "yo"?
Don't be pimpin' dusty ass
Smack my blog up, yo

Amalah

Yo yo yo yo yo.
Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo.
Yo yo yo, bee-atch.

Lauren

You all crack me UP
Yo dude, I'll pimp dusty ass
Just try to stop me

Zoot

Hmm. Now THIS is an interesting set of comments to walk in on uninvited. I mean - I'm ALL about some Haikus, but the flagrant use of "yo" has me extremely concerned.


Lauren

You are invited
But haiku-speak you must do
And you MUST use yo

Chris

Yo, dont be shakin
Or pimpin' dusty boo-tay
all up in my crib

Lauren

Oh cactus, poor soul
You know you love dusty ass
Is it allergies?

Amalah

Lauren has spoken,
She is the boss of me, yo.
I'm scared of her, yo.

Zoot

I suck at this yo.
This one took twenty minutes.
I'll just dust my ass.

Coleen

I am from Philly
Therefore I have exclusive
rights to the "yo," y'all.

Chris

Can't be lyin' yo.
I likes me tha good boo-tay
Dusty or not yo

Zoot

holy crap you guys.
while I posted the last one
six more were written.


Amalah

History is made.
Here at amalah dot com.
Most. Comments. Evah.

Coleen

Booty makes the world
go round, but what I want to
know is - where's Leigh, yo?

Lauren

I knew it, Yo C!
Cross over to the dark side.
Dusty ass rock house!

Amalah

Ok dear Lauren,
THAT one made no sense at all.
Jumped the shark, we have.

Chris

We're commenting fools
Dusty-ass lovin' fools, yo.
You da bomb Amy

Lauren

What do you expect?
I'm SUPPOSED to be working!
Me love you long time.

Chris

While we're on topic
How does one's ass get dusty?
Seems hard to do, yo

Lauren

How do I tell you?
The birds and the bees, you know
Never covered this.

Amalah

No dusty asses
'Round here, yo, cuz we all get
Mad crazy lovin'

Chris

No birds and bees please
Being chased by a turkey
Is sufficient, yo!

Coleen

I know how one's ass
can get A Dusty, except
I'm not talking, yo.

Lauren

I need a shower.
Sitting here in my own filth.
Rock on with haikus!

Chris

Must know the problem
Before we can find the cure
Spill it Coleen...yo

Zoot

Blogging the whole day,
Will make MY ass dusty - yo.
For you? I dont know.

Amalah

I know C's secret.
But all I'll say is one word:
Imaginary.

Coleen

I have no comment
Because I don't kiss and tell
or, umm, something. Yo.

Coleen

Imaginary!
But actually not, yo.
Where is Leigh!? There's news!

Coleen

I have killed haiku
with my double-posting skills
Ev'ryone! Come back!

Chris

Not gone, just plotting
Haiku can never die yo
A lot like Dick Clark

Zoot

Coleen I am slow.
Takes me forever to count
Five, Seven, Five yo.

Chris

I have the secret
Try new Swiffer Boot-ay Shine
For dust-free ass, yo

Amalah

Haikus forevah!
Smackdowns ev'ry Thursday, yo.
Tell me news, C (six, seven).

Coleen

I love Haiku Thurs.
I can't use the whole damn day
Cause five syllables.

Coleen

Your stupid firewall,
alas, prevents my sharing
too much info. (Ha).

Coleen

I am kicking asses
And also taking y'all's names
in haikus right now.

Zoot

It took me ages
To make a post in Haiku
Announcing Smackdown

I have one week yo
To speed up my creations
Cause I am so slow.

Amalah

Lauren left to work.
What the hell's up with that, yo?
Can't...stop...the...counting...

Coleen

I have stopp-ed all
regular conversation
and now speak Haiku.

Zoot

Boss is gone today
When he returns tomorrow
My brain will be fried.

He'll think I work hard
But we all will know the truth
I'm over-Haiku'ed

Chris

Got bad news Coleen
I think something was missing
From your last few, yo

Amalah

Oooohh Haiku challenge!
Chris asks for a recount, yo.
This could get ugly!

Zoot

Dont start recounting
I'm from the south, so all words
Have more beats to me.

Chris

The count is correct
But Lauren's rule was broken
In some, no yo, yo

Coleen

I think I have clout
Since I wrote the first haiku
And inspired, yo.

Zoot

Lauren is working?
Why would she do such a thing.
Haikus will pay bills.

Zoot

You are right, Chris, yo.
I forgot the rule as well.
Hard to count AND "yo".

Amalah

Get email when a
Comment is posted on site.
Five bazillion emails now.

Chris

I'm not a hater
I won't throw down over yo
Just pointing it out

Amalah

Forgot to eat lunch.
Haikus ev'ry two minutes.
I have a problem.

Zoot

How many "throw downs"
Ya think were over "yo" use?
Probably never...

Of course, how many
Haiku Smackdowns do you think
Have been held before?


Amalah

Haikus been too clean.
"Ass" only bad word used, yo.
Fuck shit bitch tampon.

Chris

The timeless battle
Of Eastern style poetry
Versus a late lunch

Zoot

Haikus are like chips
Once you pop you just cant stop.
First one is free, yo.

Coleen

I'd like to point out
Zoot is writing two at once
Grand Haiku Master?

Zoot

These haikus make zoot
laugh loudly in her office
There's 'splainin' to do...

Chris

Watch what you wish for
I ain't afraid to go blue
Now you have been warned.

Coleen

Someone please help me
I must fly to Atlanta
$Two-Twenty-Two sucks.

Amalah

Wait, $Two-Twenty-Two?
What happened to your discount
For good pilot-lovin'?

Zoot

Zoot's so bad at this
She cant be concise enough
To keep it to one.

Chris

For weekly smackdown
We should name a Grand Master
With a kick-ass crown

Zoot

She's also so slow
Her responses dont come 'til
Conversation changed.

Chris

Fly the friendly skies
But maybe not that friendly
Ride jet, not pilot

Amalah

I'd dig a crown, yo.
Anything that makes me feel
Better than you all.

Zoot

Haiku Grand Master
Fame and Fortune will be theirs.
'Til they pass the torch...

Zoot

Whats in Atlanta
Because for $two twenty two...
Hope its something good.

Amalah

Chris knows background not.
Pilot is reason for trip.
Hi, I'm Yoda now.

Chris

That assumes you win
But with my Haiku Whoop-ass
I may own the crown

Coleen

"Buddy Pass" no-go
pilot wait till SECOND trip
Hannah, Leigh this time.

Chris

You're correct Amy
But if pilot is reason
Where is his airplane

Zoot

More importantly,
If reason is a pilot,
He fly to Coleen.

Chris

When you do the 'ku
Parts of speech may dissappear
Thoughts tough to express

Lauren

Taking break to check,
Want to know my fave one, yo?
"Fuck shit bitch tampon."

Chris

I commend Lauren
Proof that one of us can get
Real work done today

Zoot

Challenge in Haiku
Having real conversation
While still making sense.

Zoot

Welcome back Lauren,
That one cracked my shit up too.
It caught me off guard.

Chris

The real challenge is
Talking to real world people
Without haiku rules

Coleen

If pilot sees this
He will stop talking to me
He'll fly away, yo.

Zoot

Hot Spring, Arkansas
will lose 'cause I'm haiku-ing
But I dont live there...

Amalah

Have haircut at three.
Must leave momentarily.
Wow, that rhymed. Hee hee.

Don't stop, Haiku-ers.
Carry on in my stead, yo.
Need some new blood though.

Where's Miss Doxie? And
All the RudeCactus fans? Don't
They find us funny?

That one was cheating.
Four verses are fucking hard.
I bid you adieu.


Chris

My brain is throbbing
(I said BRAIN) and I'm confused
Yet still, I haiku

Chris

Bailing for home soon
Of course I'll be online there
I'll catch you all then

As for my readers
My site has been very quiet
I'm not quite sure why

Zoot

My work is calling
Ark. Parks need analysis
I'll be right back, yo.

Lauren

Also? Some good news.
I took me a shower, yo.
Dusty ass no more!

::::::::::::

Gave my dog some cheese.
How did he thank me you ask?
He farted real loud.

Coleen

Everyone left
I am the last one standing
Haiku's my bizitch.


Yo.

Zoot

Seven more Haikus
Amy will have one hundred
Or less, 'cause I'm slow.

Joe

I can not believe
This was not thought of before
Yo yo yo yo yo

Joe

Rain falls in Kansas
Co-workers gone to Cabo
Life just isn't fair

Zoot

Hey Joe - nice Haiku.
I wish I had thought of it...
'Bout to rain here too.

Coleen

We have new blood, yo
Joe! Great to read your haikus.
Now go fix us drinks.

Zoot

I need lunch, Coleen -
Will you ask the next person,
To make sandwiches?

Coleen

I am One Hundred!
Bravo to all the time-wasters
Haiku is Genius.

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