This Is Only Vaguely About My Foot
Of Bug Guts and Birthdays

Back, Bitches

Well. Yes.

I'm back.

I'm back from what can unequivocally be considered the Worst Vacation Ever. Evah. But more on that later. I cannot even bear to be all rehashing it yet. Plus I have about 178 emails to get through and desperately need a nap. If only there was some way to do both at the same damn time.

In the meantime, here are just a few random thoughts in preparation for the full-blown Worst Vacation Ever Evah post:

- The best way to kick off a vacation is to get a call from your mom as you arrive at your destination that your dad is in the hospital. Because that thing? That nearly killed him before? Yeah, it's back. (He's doing better now. Kinda.)

- Speeding tickets are funny when they happen to your spouse. And foot injuries guarantee that karma will not bite you in the ass for laughing at him, at least not for this road trip.

- Only the quadruple black diamond death trails are open at Killington right now. So for somebody who can only ski the fluffy green bunny wunny trails, this was a weekend of a lot of Sitting Around On My Ass While Everybody Else Skied.

- Internet access in Killington, VT consists of 10 free hours a month and then $4.95 an hour after that. In the words of Coleen: "Where the fuck are you? In 1984?"

- Food poisoning. Lots of vomiting. Always a nice touch.

- I Love the 80s marathons on VH1 are awesome. I watched the entire decade from start to finish, but no one ever mentioned the dial-up rates of 1984.

- They advertise that horrible Philly Cheesesteak Pizza Abomination way too much, and there was a direct correlation between it and the number of times Amy ran to the bathroom to hurl.

- The Breakfast Club is now considered to be an American Movie Classic and as such is shown about 23 times a day. Neo maxi zoom dweebies.

- Your car's air conditioning always stops working on long road trips. Particularly if you just took it in for service a week before.

- But at least our car didn't catch on fire and blow up like that one car on Rt. 87 did. No, seriously. Boom!

- I need an amalah.com assistant, because it's really great to come back to 85 comments offering links to Tranny Porn.

Comments

Oliquig

Welcome back, I'm sorry about your trip.
I have to say I laughed when I saw Breakfast Club on AMC, my Step-Dad was crushed one of his college drinking movies was now considered a "classic".

zoot

wow hon. That truly sucks. Keep us posted on your dad, i read that post a LONG time ago (like, in FEBRUARY dude) about your Dad, I'll keep you all in my thoughts.

And your foot. Hope its feeling better. Take it easy girl - take a nap - the porn will wait.

Diana

Oh no, I'm so sorry you had such a horrible break. Hopefully, you're bad luck has been used up for a while. I'm glad you're dad is doing better.

Cathy

Not to bum you out, but the dad thing is so familiar - first let me say my mother had a heart attack when I was in high school, then she died of lung cancer when I was 19 (1989). Around 1995 my dad had a kidney removed because of cancer. In 2000 (5 years later) they found out it had spread to his lungs, removed the spots on his lungs with 2 surgeries and then last year realized it was back, however, they can't remove it with surgery. So he had a bit of radiation, but they can't do much cause it is so close to his heart. Luckily it is growing slow for now - however about a month ago, he had a mild heart attack! Plus he was in Florida at the time (I live in Canada). So the worrying about your dad and worrying you won't see him again - totally get it - it is absolutely my worst fear in the world. But we keep living as best as we can, right?!

Dawnie

First of all, you were going to ski? On a broken foot? What?

But, besides that, duuuude, that sucks. That's the kind of thing where you get home and need a vacation to recover from your non-vacation. I'm sorry. I also hope your dad is doing better - I'm keeping you all in my thoughts.

Chris

I have the text messages to support many of these outlandish claims! I officially dub this the Worst Weekend Evah '04. I'm glad you're home, safe and sound and I'm sorry you had SUCH a crappy weekend. Oh, and I'll blog-sit next time if you need someone to!

Coleen

My three favorite texts from Amalah this weekend, in no particular order other than the ones I liked kinda most to very most:

3. "So get this. Caught some kind of stomach flu. Puked my guts out all damn night"

2. "Get me the eff out of here!"

And my personal favorite, written before the Great Stomach Emptying of 2004:

1. "I'm drunk so it's all much better now!"*

*The above post was sent at 4:27 in the afternoon. That is either a great Load Day, or One Baaaadassss Weekend.

Zandria

There is always some kind of crazy drama happening in your life! I hate to laugh at it, but what else can you do? (Other than cry, that is.) I'm sure that there's more to learn about this vacation, but I'm almost scared to find out... :)

Sweety

Awww I´m SO sorry!!! Our trip to Malta comes close to your horror story. I´m not ready to share that yet. :)) Anyways glad you're back from your time travel to 1984!

Clearly NOT New Jan Brady

Hi, I was looking for some, uh, tranny porn? Thought maybe you could hook me up.

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