Conversations with the Cactus
April 07, 2004
Amalah: ok, I just finished a yogurt. I just now picked up the foil cap and noticed it had been punctured, like with a knife or something. Am I going to die?
RudeCactus: I sincerely doubt it
Amalah: I'm very disturbed.
RudeCactus: if you do, you can haunt me and tell me for the rest of my life that I was wrong...but I'm pretty confident you'll be ok
Amalah: who tampers with yogurt? WHO?
RudeCactus: people who hate their food to be an oxymoron
Amalah: Maybe they were trying to prove a point about deliberately eating fruit flavored bacteria cultures
RudeCactus: see, you put it like that and I have no idea why I eat yogurt
Amalah: That's my point! Food is weird.
RudeCactus: yes...like blue cheese...why eat food that has obviously gone bad?
RudeCactus: and aged beef? how is that a good idea?
Amalah: Like right now? I'm drinking a bottle of water that is Natural Icelandic Spring Water. How do I know that Iceland water is good and pure and good? Just because its foreign doesn't mean Iceland doesn't get its water from the sewage plant.
RudeCactus: but it could be foreign sewage and therefore better
Amalah: The bottle says this, "From the virtually untouched land of the Midnight Sun and the Northern Lights comes an extraordinary water."
RudeCactus: virtually untouched? Iceland?
Amalah: Aren't vikings from Iceland? I could be drinking preserved viking piss for all I know.
RudeCactus: you know, that could be a good marketing strategy
Amalah: Which is a lovely thought that is not helping the tainted yogurt digestion
RudeCactus: ok...its probably nice fresh spring water purified only by the kisses of butterflies
Amalah: so insect shit, is what you're telling me
RudeCactus: kisses...thankfully different than shit
Amalah: I am so stupid
Amalah: I have this little heated coffee coaster thing on my desk? And I was wondering if I left it on this morning?
Amalah: So I just reached over and touched it. It was on.
RudeCactus: ouch! not good
Amalah: ow ow ow ow. I'm typing without three fingers now.
RudeCactus: you didn't lose them completely did you?
Amalah: yes. they singed and melted off and are still stuck to the coaster.
Amalah: the smell is lovely