Haiku Smackdown V: Smack & Smackier
April 01, 2004
Haiku Smackdown Five!
How much more 'ku can you do?
Are you bored to tears?
Does the thought of one
more five-seven-five fill you
with dread? Have no fear!
I've changed the rules, yo.
Be sure to read them before
you 'ku. Check it, dawg.
Pop culture is the
game this week. Keep it funny,
real snarky, real cool.
And the 'ku-er with
the maddest mad skillz we'll crown
Grand Haiku Master.
(Lord. New rules? So soon?
Cousin Oliver is here.
The Shark, it is jumped.)
"Idol's" Amy is gone.
John S. and Camile are Not.
My votes must not count.
John's still around, yet
He has the talent of my
Refridgerator
I do love John P.
Not for his singing, however.
John P. makes me smile.
Little Z love George.
Voted for him 16 times.
At least he's still in.
What? A singing fridge!
That’s quite a unique talent
You must feed him well
Right now this ‘ku day
Is a bit quiet like Brown;
James, Bobby and Sam
I can't stop bitching.
About Amy going home.
I'll boycott A.I.
No- I cant do that.
I'll talk Survivor instead.
Ambah is slammin'!
Music in my head?
Song from "School of Rock" soundtrack.
Its called "Teacher's Pet"
Its a good soundtrack.
Several Oldies but Goodies.
Some from the Kid Band.
Holy living hell.
Airport connections suck clown
balls when you miss yours.
I missed AI both nights
The quirky pink-haired girls are
always first to go.
Besides Haiku day
Today is April fools day
I'm having a blast
Don't trust me today
Hey, Girls just want to have fun
Cindy Lauper Rocks
A pop culture theme?
This could be a problem, yo
I don't do A.I.
Oh shit! I'm confused!
I hope theme is not A.I.
Where's Simon Fuller?
Theme is NOT AI,
Just easiest reference
for early morning.
Kingdom Hospital -
I think its getting canceled.
Have you all heard this?
I like Stephen King -
Well, at least a little bit.
But, not that show though.
The concept was good.
It tried to be "Twin Peaks"-ish,
But it sucked at it.
Ohhh thanks Amalah
I was starting to worry
Pop Culture it is!
Theme has killed haiku.
Let's talk bad (BAD) TV shows
you secretly love.
I'll go first. I still
kinda sorta think Perfect
Strangers is funny.
Prince or The Artist
could be known as your standard
metrosexual
quality verses
quantity, pop culture too
oh the pressure Amy!
my life mimics the
Roseanne Show of the 90's
really, sad but true
How I miss Balki
Not to mention Who's The Boss
And I mourn Urkel
Saved By The Bell was
my favorite after-school
entertainment, yo
Major crush on Zach
Slater wasn't bad, either
Idolized Kelly
I stayed home to watch
TGIF in high school.
Such a dork I was.
Full House, Step By Step
and Urkel: ev'ry Friday
night. What a loser.
Am waiting for the
E! True Hollywoord Story
'bout Saved By the Bell.
Can you say the names -
First and Last of the main kids
From "Saved by the Bell"?
That was the big thing,
To try to do in college.
Who needs a degree?
TGIF! Woo!
Huge fan of Full House I was
Uncle Jesse rocked
Never saw Showgirls
"Jessie Spano naked!" my
RA described it
I watched Sabrina
She's annoying, but bright spot -
Harvey (not the witch)
facts of life, chips, alf
growing pains and family ties
i miss the 80's
Alf! Poor puppet is
now shilling for collect calls
or some 10-10 thing.
Serves Amy right, yo
Pink bitch stole my signature
"Sin Wagon" song. Bye!
I watched "Saved" last night
the one where they graduate
Why Zack Morris last?
Alphabetical
By first name? But, why? Although,
It makes good TV.
Did anyone watch
the new Judith Light show last
night? It canceled yet?
who remembers these
happy days, i loved the fonz
lavern and shirley?
thumbs up to me, yo
in honor tried coke and milk
but eww too nasty!
I was wondering
About The Stones this morning
It can't last for long
Facts of Life: my fave
Tootie, Blair, Jo, Natalie
And Mrs.Garrett
I miss that theme song
Shows today just aren't the same
No good tunes to sing
"You take the good, take
the bad, take them both, there you
have... the Facts Of Life."
I do not believe
The Stones will spawn any more
Judith Light fan art.
I saw Tootie on
Star Dates! That was kinda sad.
Date didn't know her.
Poor Bill Cosby cries!
The Huxtables. Pushed aside
Evil Judith Light
Tootie on Star Dates
Don't you have to BE a star
to be on that show?
It's a pity but
Her star fell a long time past
What has she done since?
The news reports say
"Jo", Nancy McKeon, has
Schitzophrenia
I watched the one when
Laverne thinks that she's preggers
heady sitcom stuff.
Please bring me drugs, yo.
My foot and heel are killing
I am in PAIN! Shit.
That's because the drink
Was milk and Pepsi, not Coke
I'd guess it still sucks
Poor Tootie. No one
remembers Living Single
from the 90s, yo.
And she also did
The Vagina Monologues.
So that's, um, something.
According to E!'s
website, Tootie once trashed her
Facts dressing room. Rawk.
She also dated
Todd Bridges from Diff'rent Strokes.
Ok, I'm done now.
I miss Knight Rider,
Not for David, but for KIT.
I hate David H.
I loved A-Team too.
Murdock was my Favorite.
Had a crush on FACE.
She did Vagina?
I can't imagine Tootie
talking about sex!
Tho there was one 'sode
Back seat petting led to more
but Tootie said no
I remember well
Tootie said, "Ow, that hurts me"
Penetration stopped
After that she seemed
A pure and innocent girl
No sex for Tootie
Tootie? Near-miss sex?
It can't be! She was always
so innocent, yo
Am now traumatized
Tootie saying, "Ow, please stop"
It just seems so wrong
Near-miss sex indeed
Toot wore a pink, puffy dress
It may have been prom
Come on people, KIT!
Which is better, Tootie Sex,
Or a talking Car!
I'll keep talking KIT.
I dont know about Tootie.
Knight Rider rocks, though.
Never saw that show
How did I miss Knight Rider?
Have heard I'm deprived
I remember KIT
Talking or not, no interest
I'm a girl, you know
Dawnie not miss much.
But the talking car was cool.
David H. was not.
But back to AI
I'm pissed Amy was booted
Camille stayed? That's crap.
Camille doesn't smile
She's stiff and has attitude
Eliminate her
I used to enjoy
Simon and Simon as well
as Magnum PI
My 6th grade English
teacher had unholy love
for Tom Selleck, yo.
Pictures of Magnum
Posted all over her room
It was kind of weird
I am with you, Kim.
I loved Amy, hate Camile.
At least George was safe.
(Just posted a long
laborious account of
my Florida trip.)
I loved Tom Selleck
when I was five. I would kiss
my sister's posters.
What's with the mustache?
It made him look quite creepy
Tom, "The Molester!"
Ok, maybe not
But I don't like the mustache
A 70's fad
Zoot, I like George too
A cutie with a big heart
I hope he goes far
But please get rid of
That John Peter Lewis kid
He can't sing or dance
ut oh ut oh oh
nix Camile please but do no
JPL bashing!
Oh no! Not you too!
JPL has no talent!
He's cute, and that's it.
JPL Can't Sing.
He makes me smile, I love him.
I dont want him gone :(
But, I know he sucks.
And one day he must go home,
"Home" meaning, "My Home" :)
At least you see it
His blatant lack of talent
I admit he's cute
It's sad though, because
The ones with talent will go
before JPL
Why? Teenage girls vote
More than anyone else does
And they all want him
Not because he sings
Or deserves to still be there
He wiggles his bum
ha ha me too, yes
his lack of talent draws me
and I love his dad!
Gave up on AI
Paula started making sense
Must have balanced meds.
Sure my friends may laugh
But Joan of Arcadia
Is a really good show.
The Apprentice, yo
Not as good as Survivor
I'm still Burnett's bitch.
In Survivor pool
Afraid to watch the damn show
Must not jinx myself
My name's Kim too guys.
Look back at the last few posts.
3 Kims and Idol Talk.
My name's Kim too guys.
Look back at the last few posts.
3 Kims Idol Talk.
Apprentic Rocks too.
Tonight will be a good ep.
I like the boys best.
Thats weird. I posted -
BEFORE clicking Post button.
First one is wrong count.
Back to TV shows?
Remember "out of this world"?
I want to stop time.
Zoot's real name is Kim?
Not a common name these days
Monikers have changed
Shoot, I have to go
A meeting at ten-thirty
CD-ROM rejig
Then another one
Photographer site survey
Needs to see this place
Should be back at one
Hours of Haiku catch-up
I'll be way behind
How come no one is
Haikuing about my fam?
The Brady Bunch, dude!
penny marshal is
on ellen as i type this
yes PEPSI and milk
I think Kim was a
popular 70's name
why I'm kimberLEE
I must admit here
Apprentice-aholic, me
I want nick to win
the brady bunch rules
i wanted to make out with
Greg and peter, yo!
I love the Bradys.
But Sam the Butcher, yeah right.
Alice was so gay!
I read Greg's book and
I was a little skeeved out
Dated TV mom!
What was that show called..
With the girl who could freeze time
Using her fingers?
What about Danger
Mouse? I loved that show! But I
Forget Bad Guy's name
I'm sad to admit
Every Brady episode
A gazillion times
Also sad to say
My last haiku made no sense
Its one of those days
'scary' music from
bradys in hawaii ep
still haunts me sometimes
Vicki the robot
from Small Wonder anyone?
Awesomely bad show.
I remember when
Vicki learned to cry but she
had no tear ducts! Whoa!
I also swore for
years that kid who played Jamie
was Billy Corgan.
friend tried to dress up
as Vicky for Halloween
looked nothing like her
Fellow 'ku-ers, Hi!
I finally made it in
Now I can join you.
Cannot Haiku much
My brain and body are fried
won't be Grandmaster.
Car will not start, 'yo
First rear-ended, now totalled
this Monday morning.
Funny thing, 'ku-ers
Shiz has been so queasy since
Maybe concussion?
No more pitying
Time for the pop culture, Dudes
try to play by rules:
Richard Simmons learned
Slapping someone gets noticed
but now being sued.
Oh my god Amy
You just came up with the worst
TV show EVER!
Have no idea
what the HECK is "Small Wonder"?
never heard of it.
She's a small wonder,
a girl unlike other girls...
Theme songs sap brain cells!
Y'all remember C.H.I.P.S.?
Dad and Bro so into it
Spanish & white Cop.
Frank Poncherello
together with Jon Baker
rode motorcycles
Alas Dudes, it aired
the same time as Brady Bunch
missed Brady's for C.H.I.P.S.
I used to love CHIPS
Until the silly cast change
Then it jumped the shark
Anyone who picks
CHIPS over the Brady Bunch
Will get the beat down!
I was the younger
and it was two against one
I wanted Brady's.
dukes of hazzard rock
i had a hamster, named him
rosco p coltrain
Brady's versus CHIPS?
Take the Bunch over the fuzz
Lest Jan get pissed off
I feel so damn young!
Bradys? CHIPS? Before my time.
I watched Family Ties
How 'bout The Fall Guy?
And Aerowolf? Sorry guys;
the boys picked the shows.
gilligan's island
my alltime favorite show
love the professor!
What about He-Man,
Masters of the Universe?
Really bad movie
Did I tell you all
that I do not have TV?
zero reception.
and for the most part
I do not really miss it
except for one show
Judging Amy, dudes
I'm afraid to confess it
but I loved it, yo.
how can I find out
what the heck is going on?
cannot find recaps.
Did Amy & Stu
ever really get married?
what happened to them?
I know two dogs named
Rosco P. Coltrain, really!
It is a good name.
Sweety, That was it -
Girl touched fingers and stopped time.
Dad was alien.
I cant watch cop shows.
I watched CHiPs every day.
All others seem fake.
Erik Estrada
Was the best TV cop, yo.
I am very lame.
Y'all's spelling saddens
It is Rosco P. Coltrane
IMDB rules.
Is there no love then
For the Thundercats? Voltron?
Transformers? Woe. Woe.
Sometimes I feel old
Like when people weren't born yet
When CHIPS was first on
Aerosmith is back
With a kick ass new album
Years in the waiting
It's all bluesy rock
Just one original song
The rest are covers
Don't let that fool you
Steve's harmonica is best
All songs are damn good
They are my fav band
You should run and buy it NOW
Maybe I'm biased?
Punky Brewster, Ugh!
Lorenzo in Renegade,
Totally LOVE KIT!
The Pretender - good!
Loved Profiler, but nothing
matches Alias!
MrZoot just bought,
G.I.Joe DVD set.
I never watched it.
My favorite old 'toon?
JEM and the HOLOGRAMS, yo.
Synergy beat KIT.