Haiku Smackdown V: Smack & Smackier
April 01, 2004
Haiku Smackdown Five!
How much more 'ku can you do?
Are you bored to tears?
Does the thought of one
more five-seven-five fill you
with dread? Have no fear!
I've changed the rules, yo.
Be sure to read them before
you 'ku. Check it, dawg.
Pop culture is the
game this week. Keep it funny,
real snarky, real cool.
And the 'ku-er with
the maddest mad skillz we'll crown
Grand Haiku Master.
(Lord. New rules? So soon?
Cousin Oliver is here.
The Shark, it is jumped.)
Tjej - my cousin says -
Same thing about new album.
He says it rocks too.
What's Happening, yo
Roger, Dawayne and Rerun
made life worth living.
She-Ra rocked my socks
I had all the dolls and more
Watched shows and movies
Used to get confused
She-Ra, He-Man: bro and sis?
boyfriend-girlfriend? (ew!)
I too loved She-Ra
But was afraid of He-Man
JEM rocked my socks, yo
Saw "Hook" last night, y'all
one of its producers was
THE Dodi Fayed
She-Ra and He-Man
were bro and sis, split at birth
or something like that
She-Ra! Oh my god!
It's the Nostalgia Smackdown!
And Rainbow Brite, too.
Strawberry Shortcake
My doll breathed strawberry breath
I loved her so much
Amalah may be
the Queen of Haiku kingdom
but theme 'kus are hard.
I have a hard time
getting excited about
old TV programs.
I just don't fit in
they seem kinda dumb to me
I am an outcast.
Back when I was ten,
I watched the Monkeys Show, on
- Nickelodean.
I had a huge crush
on one Mr. Davey Jones.
Watched his stuff daily.
Then, one tragic day,
I found out his actual age,
- that the show reruns.
Beth, you too? I was
shocked when I saw their concert
They were so old! Gah!
back when i was 10
hard to admit, there was no
nickelodeon
or perhaps there was
but we didn't have cable
back when i was 10
Shiz, the theme haiku
was done to prevent a lot
of banality.
Remember! We're for
quality, NOT quantity
hence the topics, yo.
Inspector Gadget
Stuck in traffic, I still yell:
Go go gadget wheels
Sid and Marty Kroft,
Television Geniuses.
They were Puffinstuff.
Macgyver was tops
Richard Dean Anderson, a
genius inventor
Quantum Leap was my
Pre-teen TV love - Ziggy!
Al had the Handlink
I have to admit..
I really liked the Fraggles
Remember the song?
Dance your cares away
Worry's for another day.
Let the music play
I loved those Fraggles!
'specially when they ate the glass
Tasted like Ketchup?
I loved the Fraggles.
What 'bout Dark Crystal movie?
Good Jim Henson Flick.
Yeah! They ate the glass.
The poor construction puppets
had to start over ..
Doozers! they were called..
I'm happy I remember
Can get good sleep now
Down in Fraggle Rock!
(clap clap) Down in Fraggle Rock!
Viva les Fraggles!
Nighty night haikus
All good things come to an end
It's bedtime for me!
I'll dream of Fraggles
on a rock with Judith Light
singing FullHouse song
The Fraggle Theme Song
Is now stuck in my head. Gah.
Damn catchy theme songs
the Fraggle Rock theme
is set as my cell ring tone
i like when folks call
Alias, you say?
Earlier someone said it
Sydney's my hero
Kickass clothes and hair
She's a CIA Hottie
Smart as a whip too
Too bad Vaughan messed up
Lauren is an evil witch
Syd's dad will get her
(Oops, I am behind
Still watching taped episodes
From two weeks ago)
Is this the grand truth?
I heard Garner and Vartan
have broken up now
Must be hard to work
With someone you were boinking
Talk about awkward!
Doc' Doogie Howser
was a kewtie-patoodie.
Doctor eye-candy.
Nickelodeon.
"You Can't do that on TV".
"I Dont Know!"...get slimed.
Now, Doogie Howser?
I was so in love with him.
Maybe I still am.
The Love Boat, Night Court,
The Tracy Ullman Show too,
sides hurt from laughing.
Moonlighting! That rocked!
I was so in love with Bruce....
Now he's just so-so.
Zoot! My childhood joy!
"You Can't Do That On TV"
The best show ever
Let us not forget
The Wonder Years. Growing up
happens way too fast.
Not a "Love Boat" fan.
Or a fan of "Moonlighting".
But "Wonder Years" rocked.
"Hilarious House
of Frightenstein" with the Count,
Igor, Grizelda
Canadian hit
Sort of a cult hit, I guess
Dark humor for kids
Now for music fun...
'Member Sexual Healing?
Loved Air Supply too.
Also Journey, and
Human League, and Chicago,
good romantic hits.
A Leisure Suit
I was such a stud muffin
Where have good times gone
Frightenstein - ah yes
very confusing for me
i was five years old
Classic Music Now?
I have one to talk about.
Milli Vanilli
I killed the Haikus.
One lame music reference -
Everyone is gone.
Don't you worry Zoot
Milli Vanilli music
not real music
Flock of Seagulls hair
and remember Tears for Fears'
Songs from the Big Chair
Time to breakdance now
to tunes by Pointer Sisters
in new Nike kicks
Today's first Haiku
By me. So, pop culture, right?
Well, here's all I know:
If you drink a coke
While you eat Pop Rocks, then you?
Will blow the fuck up.
Also! That "Life" kid.
Mikey, who'd eat anything.
That's how he died. Pop!
Sam Beckett and Al
Still worthy now as before
Bill and Ted are not
Ice, Ice, Baby! Ick!
I hated him from the start.
Words stuck anyway.
Defined an era
Fast Times at Ridgemont High and
so did Breakfast Club
I'll write one more verse.
Spotlighting Pop Culture's best.
HARRY POTTER ROCKS!!!