Back, Bitches
Amalah Makes Some Demands

Of Bug Guts and Birthdays

I woke up this morning with a huge (yooge!) bee on my pillow. It made scary buzzing noises and I had to use a legal sized folder to coax it back outside. I don't kill bugs that big...not for any bug-loving-all-God's-creatures kind of crap...but because I can't kill anything that makes an audible crunching/squishing sound and leaves substantial bug guts behind. Eesh.

Today has actually been all about the bug guts, interestingly enough. My poor car was covered in them after our long drive to and from Vermont so I took it to a car wash over lunch. So a $6 car wash and some intense squeegee action later, my windshield is about 73% bug gut free. Splat, suckahs.

And I might as well BE bug guts, because I forgot my friend Andie's birthday on Thursday. Like, completely. La la la I'm all obsessed with my foot and then it's off to Vermont and then what? My best friend's birthday? The friend who is getting married in September and whose MAID of HONOR just so happens to be ME? Her birthday? She's soooo going to make me wear something salmon-colored with big puffy sleeves. Happy belated birthday, Andie. Love, Squishy Bug Guts.

(I just ate part of the paper bag that my sandwich is wrapped in. Serves my ass right.)

So today is pretty much back to normal then. Early morning bee-related drama, work, errands, Amy's special brand of idiocy and then the usual lunch-related eating paper/tainted yogurt/moldy mayonaise drama. Perhaps later this afternoon I shall fall down and injure something or get trapped in an elevator or lock myself out of my car. Or all three! It's gonna be a great day!

Plus, I do believe I took some pictures during our Vermont trip, although they're all from the very first day. Before the trip took a turn for the horrific. Actually, I think the camera was put away permanently before we even got out of Jersey. But Jersey is very scenic so maybe I took some interesting ones. Of like, industrial yards or something. So stay tuned for um...that.

On second thought, I'll do my best to fall down and injure myself in some comical fashion instead.



Moldy mayo? Part of me wants to hear that story, but the rest of me is running around in circles, screaming at the very thought of it.


No!!! Speak not of mayo, properly refrigerated or not! I'd rather eat the large percentage of dead bugs on your car!


I read that your CAT was covered in bugs from your trip to Vermont. Not CAR. Until the part about the windshield, then I backtracked. My comments were originally:

*You took your CAT on vacation with you?
*Did you make your CAT ride outside somehow? How else would it be covered int bugs?
*You washed your CAT in a carwash? (a smarter person would have turned back and reread the word then)


hmmm.. big puffy sleeves eh?? you know i've had my eye on an aqua sequinned number that i saw at david's.. hehe..
no worries on the big squishy bugs or birthdays.. both are obnoxious and thankfully can be washed away with alcohol .. blissfully forgotten by the next day.


oh man, you're gonna love it when the cicadas come out.



Ha! I'm reading archives and...
Can I really leave a message from 2006? This is the closest I'll get to time travel, so here's hoping this will be like it is in the movies: When I hit Post I'll be 2 years younger.


No!!!! My kids are 2 years younger, too!! And now I have to potty train all over again. AHHHHHRRRRRGGGGG!!

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