Delirium Etc.

Yes, I am back.

We took the red-eye back this morning, so my whole sleeping-eating-not-walking-into-things equilibrium is all kinds of effed up. But let's see if I can recap some Vegas highlights.

Monday through Thursday afternoon: Work. Blah.

Thursday afternoon through yesterday: Fun. Haaaaa.

Jason flew in on Thursday, the workish convention thing ended, I got out of my suit and put on cute clothes, including a fluffy miniskirt that resulted in me being promptly manhandled in the casino by a very drunk and very sunburned shirtless man. It was a drive-by skirting. A crowd of decent-looking yet creepily-overly-involved senior citizens witnessed it and pointed out the skirtlifter to me. Jason marched off to confront him while I was all, "Oh my god, tussle in the casino! No!" But then I got PISSED and reported the jackhole to a nearby security guard who was very bored and very pleased with the prospect of a good skull-cracking. Jason came back laughing -- the guy already had a HUGE gash in his nose where he'd obviously been punched before, and the ladies he was drunkenly trying to mack on were NOT impressed by hearing of his skirt-lifting antics.

The security guard was bummed because the guy was a hotel guest so he couldn't toss him out, but he was sent to his room to get a shirt and...think about what he did...or...something. Fuck. Ing. Ass. Hole.

Anyway. We had tickets to the late Cirque du Soleil show at the Bellagio, which was pretty damn underwhelming. $105 a pop for third-to-last row in the balcony? $28 for two drinks? Lots of...synchronized swimming? What? I want freaks! I want crazy fire-breathing contortionists who throw small people around and then snap them in two. And I want clowns, but not clowns.

But whatever. Everything in Vegas is the equivalent to dumping bags of money out the window. So just enjoy the pretty patterns the bills make while they blow away. I did win $150 twice at slots, which only sort of balanced out what we lost at roulette, blackjack and other slots. Oh well. I also bought awesome clothes and ate what was probably the most amazing meal I have ever eaten here. There was a chocolate tasting platter for dessert. A platter.

We also drank many many (MANY) margaritas at Jimmy Buffett's restaurant, duh, Margaritaville. I also bought one of the two most awesome t-shirts ever there, which I will post a picture of later. Jason bought the other most awesome t-shirt ever, which he is wearing now. And it is awesome.

I actually have a lot of pictures to post, but they'll have to wait. Because I can't find my toothbrush right now, much less the camera.

In other homefront news, the cicadas have arrived and they are VILE, Max is supah-pissed at us, and I forgot my license in my carry-on bag so at dinner the waiter both refused to serve me a martini AND called me ma'am. So ma'am'ed and denied booze at the same time. Congrats, Amy.

And I know I'm forgetting a lot, but I'm tired and would like to go to bed. So photo essay tomorrow, advice column on Wednesday (SEND ME MORE QUESTIONS, you messed-up puppies), and then hopefully the return of The Many Loves of Amalah series. Or else I may simply drown in all my laundry.