Haiku Smackdown VIII: 'Kuing On Da Bayou
May 06, 2004
Haiku for White Trash!
And for each 'ku we write, an
Olsen Twin gets fed.
There's a bit of a theme this week, except for the very last picture, which I simply had to include because it's the scariest thing I've ever seen (and thank you very much Buzz). Yes, even scarier than the lady with the cup in her cleavage. Yes, scarier than back-hair man. Yes, I find the Olsen twins THAT FUCKING SCARY.
If you like the '3,'
you should see my landing strip!
Love my wax lady.
I was born this way.
The midwife screamed; my mother
drank the cold brewski.
The Barbie twins got
nothin' on us. We are still
young and oh so hot.
I know we're getting
a star on the boulevard;
but I must touch you.
Calista Flockhart,
Paris Hilton--in your face!
We're nouveau scrawny.
Do you remember
when the cup wouldn't stay? We
were oh so hot then.
Do you think that the
tattoo was the beginning
of the end for us?
Botox at eighteen?
Why not? While you're at it, yo,
liposuct my brain.
Don't try to steal lock.
This heavy car should deter
Padlock thieves galore.
Don't you see my crown?
I'm the Burger Queen, dumb-ass.
Hands off the beer, yo.
I think my idea
of wearing shorts over my
bathing suit is brill!
oh please forgive me.
Use of 'galore' in a 'ku--
capital offense.
This way, no one will
ever guess that I am not
still a slim size six.
Was up in the night
IMing with Cyn, when it
hit me: it's Thursday!!!
Erm, Cyn, honey doll?
Must answer the call of the
'ku. I still love you.
It's ok honey
you got to Ku what you got
to KU. (Thank you Cyn!)
Omg, Jilbur.
If I'd been drinking something,
my screen would be wet.
STEAL THIS LOCK! Wasn't
that some kind of bestseller?
Who knows? I'm a hick.
The Olsen twins on
a break at home sans makeup.
It's nice to relax.
Those girdles give them
wedgies, and the Manolos!
Don't get me started.
Mindy needs some sleep,
but 'ku is a demanding
dom, and she's a slave.
Yep, they gave me both!
Off to a nearby motel
now that they're eighteen.
I actually
did spray the screen that time. *wipes
screen with jammie sleeve*
Typing in the night
means leaning close to screen. Hence
the spray. It's a curse.
Ashley and Mary
Kay undergo the old Show
Biz Rite of Passage.
Chicks with asses, yo,
Anorexic bitches rule.
Who needs a tampon?
Five bucks says that chick's
not watching the rally, she's
eating some nachos.
Tampon virgin, me?
Not on your sweet life, my friend.
Super-Plus all the way!
Did everyone 'get'
The amenorrhea joke?
Maybe it's too much.
I did just NOW. Thanks
for the clarification.
It's funny. Really.
I've got these twins y'all
now I've got a smile
cause I'm hard like a rock,yo
I give you Jilbur:
she worked "amenorrhea"
into a 'ku. Brill!
"Amenorrhea"
and "tampon"--are they at odds?
Should be fun to watch!!!
OK, back to bed.
Have to go in late today;
hence the 'ku frontload.
I just realized
that my web address has been
wrong all this time. Snap!
In my lusty vows
for Amy, I cached me a
typo. What a sap.
Anyone who tried
to visit me for the last
three weeks: S.O.L.
I choked up green tea
After finding the meaning
Of 'amenorrhea' *blush*
The first two members
Of the Lara Flynn Boyle
Fan club, pose for shot
These babies can hold
a cup. But you should see what
mom does with a keg.
Queen of the Boobage
Uses Royal tits to keep
Royal beer upright.
You know Fran, this was
a REALLY was a bad idea hon.
Now, boobs numb, pants hot.
I take my real big
Super important English
AP Lit test soon
I must use big words
Like 'verisimilitude'
Whatever that means
Now it's time to go
And write bullshitted essays
Starts in half hour.. FUCK!
Shit, my ride is here
So wish me luck, s'il vous plait
Wait! That's not English...
Pssst, yo Mary Kate
I so have to pee right now
Just squat here sister.
Hairy Nascar Man
Proudly displays his IQ
I think he cheated
My alarm system
is my kid sister screaming
her ass off at you.
Here I was driving
and saw a mini van, yo
mirrored windows suck.
If we crouch down low
the wind wont blow us away
'cos we weigh three pounds.
These Olsen Sisters
will never appreciate
Judith Light - she rocks.
Mary Kate and Ash
suggest threesome with Robert.
"You talkin' to me?"
Jim decides that this
Is perfect mobile unit
For defense of bombs
Think Bob's back hair is
out of control? You shoud see
his wife, Betty-Sue's.
one tampon 'ku sucked.
Who'd I think I was fooling?
I can't count to five.
Not eighteen until
June 13--mea culpa!
Statutory rape.
New at Burger King
- make your own coffee table-
birthday party - Yay!
New! Back hair shampoo.
For daily use. L'Oréal;
Because You're Worth It
We pout, we squat; we
ho it up--we're twins, beeyotch!
Coors Light, anyone?
I believe they ate
the Olson twin whopper. With
extra meat ofcourse.
Jilbur my new love
your kus leave me gasping *gasp*
Side hurts from laughing.
Help! the straw--pointing
away from me--have mercy.
I can't bear the thirst.
Hey poser fat chick!
You are not pretty Amy
Queen of Everything
Breaking Nascar News!
Famous clone sheep Dolly was
spotted in the crowd.
New on the White Trash
Network: Trading Mobile Homes
From West Virginia.
Hey look, it's Mindy
and Amalah in 10 years.
"Where the fucks my beer?"
I am King Three, yo.
From my lofty post, Monster
Trucks perform for me.
I'm really sorry,
I couldn't help that last one.
please forgive me, yo.
I don't understand
how that car alarm works on
that chain and padlock.
What am I to you?
A hirsute back, minus '3.'
(Norah Jones tribute)
Hairy dude grabs arms
"Dude is it cold in here or
is it just me?" Yo.
It ain't fancy but
this is mah vee-hickle so
keep out you varmint!
What feels stranger? The
Beer in my cleavage, or the
Snickers I sat on
Yo, white trash news flash:
Camper duct taped to old truck?
Really bad idea.
Lee dissed my duct tape.
Or is it duck tape? Whatev.
I'll kill the bastard.
DeNiro? What the
Fuck? This ain't Raging Bull. Feed
Those skinny bitches.
What is scary is
The fact that someone else had
To shave that three in.
De Niro grins. What's
Better than buy one get one
Night? Nothing, that's what.
You can't see it but,
The trunk is held shut by a
Bunch of twisty ties.
Olson Twin’s new flick;
“The see-through twin” sponsored by
Extreme Weight Watchers
Mary Kate and Ash
Yo you look just like that girl
Brittany Murphy
Mobile homes and a
Flatbed truck, it's the best of
Both worlds, white trash rules.
Where did you get that
Picture of me in my crown
Before "The Swan" yo.
Come "Sunday Sunday
Sunday!" you know where to find
My hairy-ass back.
They done stole mah lock
And busted my back winder.
Ain’t that the same car?
Nair reconsiders
its newest hair removal
ad campaign for men.
Call Jeff Foxworthy.
Dude, we got material
should last you ten years.
Nothing says class like
A Solo cup jammed down in
Your boob area.
Once, I thought I met
An Olsen, turns out it was
only a cornstalk
Did you notice the
Lady in blue looks mad? That’s
HER cup and crown, yo.
Y'all, if I don't pass
my finals I'll be living
in that there trailer.
They actually
Like the thirteen car, but she
Won't take off her shirt
Woman in blue suit
makes pouty face because her
cleavage don't hold cups.
Don't worry about
The paper Amy, just put
a beer in your boobs
Oh, what dark days are
These? The throne of the Kingdom
Of Burger is lost
Queen BeerInMyBoobs
Rules with an iron fist, none
Shall escape her wrath
We waste so much time
with education--just look:
You could have this car!
So leave the books behind
and concentrate instead on
what counts: Bondo skills.
Some little birdie
has a very nice nest now
of cushy back hair.
Taped-up windows stop
road rage as you can't see who's
all up on yo' grill.
Man, this dude is old
but mom says, if do him
we'll be all grown up!
DeNiro, Olsen
It is the best of both worlds
Talented, and not
ummm, let me fix that typo:
Man, this dude is old ...
but mom says, if we do him,
we'll be all grown up!
We don't care that you've
got different hair colors:
You just get one star.
Stop tailing me, jerk.
Mah winder done busted an'
I'll bust yo' ass too.
Early each day on
The streets of L.A., a crowd
Of horny men gawks.
Waiting for Olsens
Too thin to stand on their feet,
And the film they’ll hawk.
Come feed the girls, show
Them you care. Just look at their
Ribs and their hair. Gawd.
Perfect tea sandwich:
two slices skinny white bread
one slice smokin' ham.