Up On the Airplane
May 10, 2004
(Howdiddly-do from VEGAS, babies. Tons of hilariously mundane things happened to me today, as did some craptacular crappolish things. But I'm tired and desperately need to de-funktify and get all pretty for dinner so I'm just going to post a bunch of random crap I wrote on the plane.)
I can now use approved portable electronic devices. Whee. I cannot, however, get up from my seat for another 20 minutes, since I flew out of Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport. (And you MUST call it the Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport at all times. It’s like, a federal crime not to.) Everybody must stay in their seat for the 30 minutes after take-off or before landing at the Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport, because the people who live outside the 30-minute diameter around the Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport have it coming, frankly.
(Note to self: Don’t let anyone on the airplane see that, ever, as it is Not Funny, Please Come With Me Ma‘am type material.)
I barely got my suitcase zipped this morning as my insistence on bringing my own blowdryer (it’s ionic!) caused some space issues. As did my adorable new makeup bag from Target, which I was also not leaving.
(OW OW OW OW OW. I just bit my tongue and there is blood. In my quest for pop-free ears, I got a little aggressive with the gum chewing. Repeat: OW.)
But I did eventually get my suitcase zipped and made it to the airport in time. I cannot yet say the same for my coworker Rosemary, who may or may not have made our flight. I called her just before boarding started and she was “having all sorts of special bag-related issues.” I hope she made it on, as I need to borrow a dollar for a snack. (Forgot to hit the ATM before boarding. Think the flight attendants would accept Visa for a $2 package of Pringles? Am starving.) I also hope she made it on for non-me-related issues as well.
I hope they give out some freaking pretzels. Oh my god.
And speaking of Survivor, (transitions? what?) what did everybody think of the finale? For once the reunion show was more interesting than the actual last episode, and jeeeezzz those people were all kinds of crazy bitter. And Rob and Amber engaged? Seriously?
(Dammit, the movie is Along Came Polly, which I really wanted to see. I have $1.43. I am pathetic. And now they’re reading the food available for purchase, which is making me so, so hungry.)
Anyway. Survivor. Shut up, Lex. Shut up, Kathy. Shut up, Jerri…oh, ok. Jerri shut up. And then she left. Because the audience booed her for bashing the show and being all, “We are not entertainment! We are HUMAN BEINGS!” This was very moving coming from the girl who’s been on Survivor twice, Blind Date, The Surreal Life and that Bravo show about reality television where she gave her expert opinion about how reality shows were wrong and bad and also? Not so great for that acting career as she originally thought.
So shut up, Jerri. Because of you, I actually agreed with stuff that Richard Hatch and Shii-Ann are saying. And that’s scary and troubling to me.
(Just got up and wandered the plane…Rosemary DID make it on. But she’s asleep so I won’t wake her up to ask for money. Yet.)
Did anyone else go from sort of liking Amber to sort of hating her? I mean, damn, girl is HOT. And now she’s rich. And engaged. And la la la, isn’t she cute and nice and America’s goddamn sweetheart or something. Or was that just me?
(You know, one of the oft-overlooked pleasures of a new laptop is a clean FreeCell record.)
So how long before some Survivor crew member leaks a Rob and Amber sex tape to the Internet? In all greenie night-vision a la Paris Hilton?
“Oh Ambah…Ambah! Yo’ ass! So smokin’! Oh yeeeeah, Ambah! Yaaaawwww!”
(Oh god. I just changed time zones on my computer and now it’s fucking 8:30 in the morning. Noooo, not again! One 8:30 am a day is enough.)
So before they show Along Came Polly, they’re showing an episode of Friends. See? It will never be over. It will never go away. Friends has hijacked the friendly skies and it’s not giving them back.
I’m not sure I’ve ever written while this hungry.
Gah! It’s the episode with Bruce Willis. I love that one. I love him. I hear he’s very good in bed. No idea where I heard that, but I’m believing it with every fiber of my being.
(Didn’t this post sort of have a topic once?)