Haiku Smackdown : Mullets, Drunks & Internet Clichés
June 03, 2004
Website crashes, long
weekends deter us not...the
Smackdown lives on, yo.
We're disorganized
and a tad drunk, but still we
soldier on for 'ku.
Onward, brave 'kuers!
Through mullets, white trash and drunks!
Lay some smack, bitches!
(Click on a thumbnail for full version.)
Genuine! You know
mah boyfriend was back-hair man
from a few weeks back.
Oh God please no more
I think I lost my breakfast
That dude made my meal!
Trans Am's out front, propped
On cinder blocks – no wait,
Crazy eyes stole it.
The Nun in Smackdown
She is good at making ku
tongue helps her counting!
Nun thinks to herself,
"Yeah, there he is that sexy
Rude Cactus. Oh babe."
Suspect those aren't pearls
But Mardi Gras beads. Loving
The turtleneck, though.
From the floor, pickles
scream "Oh! The humanity!
Condiment carnage!"
Not knowing his date
His favorite position
Lee finds happiness
Mullet Man tries to
clear up zit with the heat of
his furious gaze.
Amy ponders how
To take a sip when the damn
Straw's at eye level.
Why was she always
asking for another straw
Mindy drinks solo!
Motorcycle man
takes "boring the cylinders"
a little too far.
I'd love to know what
Happened: oven racks, pickles,
Tomatoes. The hell?
Please don't tell my wife
What happens in Las Vegas
never is revealed.
Bike lies awake and
wondering: Should I buy him
breakfast? Or just scoot?
Mindy's career as
Miss Midget is short lived once
puberty arrives.
Please tell me they won't
Serve the mustard, or the beef
Patties on TV.
Mustard Man says, "Dude,
Alvin and the Chipmunks?
Are you serious?"
(By the way, y'all can
win a date with Mustard Man.
No, for real. For. Real.)
click here, condiment lovers
Please meet Miss Mullet
Circa 1982
She paid for her crown.
Photo commemorating
the lucky escape
from yesterday's lightning strike
Looking like Pee Wee
He would be wrongly accused
Playing with himself.
Seeing Lee in bed
I am so haikuing this!
He has horsepower!
Fat Guy gives meaning
Hold the mustard and pickles
He is literal!
Something just tells me
That someone will be paying
For hotel cleaning
Tammy Faye Baker
Making her first donation
To PTL Club!
Tammy Faye Baker
Making her first donation
To PTL Club!
Colonel Mustard's son,
the somewhat less successful
Private Bo Mustard.
Bloodshot mullet guy
resembles the super on
One Day At A Time.
Twenty Five Thousand?
Amber thought there would be more
Mindy thought so too!
You want literal?
Ed took the phrase "ride a bike"
too seriously.
The high price of gas
Has some sleeping with their bikes
getting their mileage.
When he was done, Ed
lit a smoke. Both Ed and the
bike were blown to bits.
That motorcycle's
been around the block a few
times, know what I mean?
How much you wanna
bet all that cash went towards
lottery tickets?
The before picture
This man belongs on the swan
He needed some help!
I bet the Mullet
Family gets teased a lot.
Get it? Teased? Sorry.
The loud pipes save lives
Then the quiet nes get laid
How do your pipes sound?
Mustard Jar sez "kill...
me..." but it is too late. Grim
scene from 'Alien'
"Evacuate bowl!"
Cried fish whose habitat was
poisoned with green sludge.
"A fine solution!"
Said evil bartender who
poisoned his girlfriend.
"You talkin' to me?
Naw, dude. you can't pull it off.
De Niro you ain't.
I'll blackmail that bitch
Mother Superior--found
her old nudie pix!
Angry mugshot man
fails to grasp why most women
don't want to date him.
Don't know if I'd drink
Something that could double to
Tell me my future
Tragically, a week
after this pic is taken
his ex slashed the tires
Its a new pastime
That's just sweeping the nation:
Take your own mugshot!
Mustard man lost bet -
kitchen rat DID fit in jar
but did NOT like it
Oh holy lord god.
That little girl went to a
tanning booth, I'll bet.
Sister Marie was
Shocked at fetish porn popups
She said, "Holy shit!"
Hey Sister, you should
drop porn like a bad habbit
and keep tounge in mouth