Haiku Smackdown : Mullets, Drunks & Internet Clichés
June 03, 2004
Website crashes, long
weekends deter us not...the
Smackdown lives on, yo.
We're disorganized
and a tad drunk, but still we
soldier on for 'ku.
Onward, brave 'kuers!
Through mullets, white trash and drunks!
Lay some smack, bitches!
(Click on a thumbnail for full version.)
THIS IS NOT A DOLL!!
I swear to god I want to
smack all those mothers!!!
This photo doubles
as the cover for my new
porno video.
That scares me a bit
"Toddler in pink pumps" looks kind
Of like me as child
Hey look! I won for
biggest damn crown! (Only a
teen could support it.)
Gah. I need to go
home and hug my daughter. And
chuck all her pink clothes.
Sweet lord, have mercy!
I'm SO glad I've banned Barbie
et all from my house.
Also, I wish that
I could spell, or proofread, yo.
I meant "et al," duuuuhhhh.
Mullet Mania
Strikes the Smackdown with vengeance
Will we recover?
Oh my GOD, CHRISSY
Were you busting on Philly?
Judy don't play that.
We're not a city
of mullets and grossness. My
hometown rules. MONKEY.
I think that baby
has some photoshopped eyelashes.
At least I hope so.
Did you SEE on the
beret girl? Sister has some
DYED damn eyelashes.
Can we still 'ku? 'Cause
that one (doll)baby scared the
Bedamned out of me.
Monkey monkey, yo.
We all loave the idea of
thinking 'bout monkeys.
Tho' it is Friday
Universal Royalty
still needs a comment:
"Do you want to make
your child into a whore?
Look no further, M'am.
"It does not matter
how old your baby is
we can pimp her out.
"Is she one? How fun!
She's look feisty in a thong,
lip gloss & Make-up.
"You say that she's two?
She's mascara & leather
whips are an option.
"Your baby is three?
Time for the Tammy Faye look!
complete with botox.
"Have a four year old?
Time to make her sing and dance!
Gotta earn her keep.
"When darling is five
She should do the splits on stage
Wearing a big grin.
"And now that she's six
It's time for humongous hair
frizzy hair helmet.
"Daughter is seven?
Be sure to strip her of all
of her self-esteem.
"When your girl turns eight,
You can humiliate her
with this pageant shit.
"And when she is nine
Time for crotch-length mini-skirts
and a laser peel.
"For her tenth birthday
Make sure she is bullimic
or anorexic.
"From eleven on
encourage her in whoreness;
she's a pageant slut."
Shiz, dear, marry me.
I'll worship you every day,
the rest of your life.