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Well Then

Random Bits of Random Absurdity and Random Randomness

In only a vague particular order:

A D.C. cab idling outside my building for 20 minutes this morning. The cab driver standing next to the cab, holding the back door open, waiting. Waiting. D.C. cab drivers don't hold doors open. And they don't wait around for 20 minutes for damn near nobody. I watched this all from my bathroom window while I got ready and tried to make a mental note of the time and descriptions of the driver and the cab in case the police stopped by tonight to investigate a missing person.

A woman crossing my street, stopping to pick something up from the ground. I figured it was a coin or maybe an earring. As I drove by I saw that she had a cicada delicately perched on her finger. She crossed the street and set it gently down on the grass.

A pair of rogue mattresses, strewn across the center lane of the highway. Traffic everywhere swerving to avoid the deadly obstruction.

A Hummer swerving to avoid the mattresses. A Hummer. Afraid to drive over a mattress. A driver, missing his one shot to actually navigate the treacherous urban terrain his fucking montrosity was built for.

A man, having eaten a substantial number of free cheese cubes at Whole Foods, brazenly asking for someone to please refill the sample plate already.

Riding in the office elevator while carrying two packages of whole-wheat pitas.

Having to explain to people in the elevator why I was carrying two packages of whole-wheat pitas.

A pipe explosion resulting in no air conditioning for you (translation: me) until at least tomorrow. Fuck.

Getting your downstairs neighbor's mail -- the one who hates you ever since you ripped up the carpet and refinished the hardwoods, so basically, forever -- and walking downstairs to return said mail, overhearing said neighbor shrieking, "They wouldn't hire her because she's BLACK!"

Gently placing mail outside neighbor's door and running like hell back up the stairs.

Reno 911's new opening credits. Hee.

The five windows and graphics FOX has onscreen for its coverage of The Great Sitting and Watching of Reagan's Casket. One live feed, one loop from yesterday, one window for the anchors, one scrolling news ticker for the Latest Casket Events, and one humungous Remembering Reagan memorial graphic.

A can of daal makhani that most unfortunately resembles dog food.

And my friend's ultrasound, revealing an empty sac at seven weeks. Her second miscarriage and D&C this year.

Absurd.

Comments

Oliquig

So are we to be left in the dark about the pitas?

martha

Sorry about your friend. I have a friend too who today found out that her pregnancy isn't viable. :(

Chris

I'm with Oliquig - your lack of further explanation is pitaful ;-) Otherwise, wonderful observations. Sometimes the world is truly entertainment enough.

myllissa

Why did you need that much pita? And? if that guy did eat that much free cheese, he'll probably get all bound up and constipated anyways. Cheese does that to people.

Amalah

Y'all, welcome to the Great Pita Mystery of 2004...a carefully laid plan to invoke questions and wonder...mwah ha ha...

Ok no. Phase II of the South Beach Diet allows whole wheat pitas. Jason was crawling up the walls for some baked goods, so I bought a lifetime supply at Whole Foods. Because I am nice and totally don't just go there for free samples. But then I absent-mindedly carried them into the office instead of leaving them in the car. And then I absent-mindedly threw out the bag and had to carry just the pitas when I left.

Dawnie

Oh, I'm so sorry for your friend. That's got to be hard, especially for the second one this year. Give her lots of hugs, and take her to get a pedicure or massage or something relaxing like that.

Coleen

Loave, sister. Just loave.

feisty girl

Never seen Reno 911. Is it good?

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