1) I'm back.
2) Dad is doing well. He was discharged from the hospital this afternoon after his blood pressure returned to normal and is home. We made hamburgers. And came up with cover stories for the crazy-ass wound on his head. Knife-fight in Mexican bar. Rollerblading. Home-run ball from the Phillies. Frying pan from crazy wife.
3) My mom is doing well too. We took her out for dinner last night and then crawled around the carpet with Oxy-Clean and damp sponges cleaning up bloodstains. And debated what a Luminol spray-down would reveal and who would go to jail for it. So pretty much a typical Corbett-family gathering.
4) We also tried recreating my dad's fall and could not, for the love of life or physics, figure out how he ended up with the crazy-ass wound. We think he hit the doorknob and fell so fast he beat the blood to the floor, so to speak, as the bloodstains did not match any hypothesis we could concoct. There was much fake-falling and fake-lying-around-on-the-floor and fake-vacuuming. Also faily typical of Corbett family get-togethers.
5) Ben Affleck was in the hospital on J-Lo's wedding day because of chronic bronchitis. Blah. I feel misled. By InTouch Weekly. If I cannot trust InTouch Weekly, who do I have left in this world to turn to?
6) Why, I turn to you, the good people of the Internet. You are all awesome. Thank you very much for your kind and loavey comments and emails. My parents were awfully darn touched and a little bit closer to believing that y'all are not a collective of crazed stalkers who will one day kill me. You've done the Internet proud, peeps.