The Antibiotics of Absurdity
June 29, 2004
I'm at home today. Sick and sicker. Sinus infection or something and then, just to be twice as loavely, a urinary tract infection. All kinds of special. (And guess which infection I omitted to my boss when I called out this morning, but which he now knows about, because he reads this site? Go on, guess!)
Anyway, many thanks to all my wonderful friends who have kept me amused and distracted by sending funny emails and waving shiny things in front of me. And especially Chris, who not only spent all morning IMing with me, but also provided me with a ready-made entry so I would not have to worry my feverish little head about it.
Be warned: We're very, very weird. And I can't really blame my multiple infections for it.
rudecactus: sorry to hear you're not feeling well :-(
amalahbeth: yeah...it sucks
*** Auto-response from rudecactus: I'm away right now.
amalahbeth: what? where?
rudecactus: oops...I'm here...
rudecactus: not good!
amalahbeth: I still almost went to work, because I'm an idiot. I was driving there and suddenly thought...why the hell am I killing myself to get to work?
amalahbeth: take a sick day dammit!
rudecactus: hell yeah! its only work!
amalahbeth: dude, the next harry potter title has been announced
rudecactus: yeah? what is it?
amalahbeth: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
rudecactus: interesting...have they put a release date to it?
amalahbeth: doesn't look like it
rudecactus: regardless, I bet it involves me being at a bookstore around midnight
amalahbeth: You are a very powerful wizard
amalahbeth: to see into the future like that
rudecactus: I try ;-)
rudecactus: it'll sound like an odd question but we were all discussing it at the office yesterday - have you seen rasputin's penis yet?
amalahbeth: um. what?
amalahbeth: um. ew?
rudecactus: lol ;-) yeah...but still, who'd have known someone would save that?
amalahbeth: do they know if it's really his?
rudecactus: thats what they claim...Elliot was taking about it the other morning and it showed up on Yahoo
amalahbeth: and also, impressive
amalahbeth: I wonder if Ron Jeremy will have his pickled?
rudecactus: yes...it's no wonder he was popular with Alexandra
amalahbeth: I have watched like, 7 episodes of M*A*S*H today
rudecactus: that's a lot of M*A*S*H
rudecactus: better than tons of saved by the bell episodes though
amalahbeth: i'm on my second ep of Cheers now
rudecactus: don't let me catch you watching touched by an angel or anything though
amalahbeth: oh god no
amalahbeth: only classic and reputable sitcoms
rudecactus: just steer clear of the whole PAX network
amalahbeth: but I thought I might watch some services over lunch with that weird pink-haired lady
rudecactus: lol! :-) see if you can find Benny Hinn
rudecactus: he's always amusing
amalahbeth: Benny Hill?
amalahbeth: he's too racy for PAX
rudecactus: no...Hinn or something like that...he's a healer
amalahbeth: ahhh, yes, loave those guys
rudecactus: he brings old people on stage, knocks 'em over and suddenly they're healed
amalahbeth: the POWAH of CHRIST! SMACK!
rudecactus: yeah! it's awesome...and amusing...if it weren't just so horrible
rudecactus: he wears cool white neru jackets too
rudecactus: Behold, the power of Hinn
amalahbeth: welcome to my childhood
rudecactus: yeah, I thought that might hit a little close to home
rudecactus: at least you didn't have ministers spouting racist and elitist humor at you
rudecactus: well, no more elitist than all religion
amalahbeth: *wanders off to go make eggs, which she burns*
rudecactus: *does work, for he is industrious*
amalahbeth: ok, I just went through and reread our conversation thus far, and I'm totally posting.
amalahbeth: it, that is
rudecactus: cool with me! :-)
amalahbeth: we're hilarious. even when we're not really trying...and one of us is delirious
amalahbeth: I mean, we went from harry potter to rasputin's penis to televangelists in one swooping tangent
rudecactus: I know! we're multi-topical!
rudecactus: I know! and so did one of her visitor's comments - about yelling jambon at taxis
rudecactus: that just cracked me up...its what prompted today's post from me
amalahbeth: it is wrong how much I love grits.
amalahbeth: I have eaten two bowls today.
rudecactus: could be worse
rudecactus: could be lard or something
amalahbeth: or veal kidneys
rudecactus: or pig penis
amalahbeth: or Rasputin penis
rudecactus: definitely could be worse
amalahbeth: dammit, I have watched everything on the damn TiVo already. damn, dammit, etc.
rudecactus: oh no!
amalahbeth: time to switch to DVDs I guess
amalahbeth: the standard sick day movies
rudecactus: ahhh!! which are?
amalahbeth: hmmm...Office Space, South Park...maybe Fight Club
amalahbeth: and then A Beautiful Mind or Sleepless in Seattle if I want to take a nap
amalahbeth: or weep, either way
rudecactus: that sounds so sad :-(
amalahbeth: I like me a good weep though
amalahbeth: especially when I'm sick...it releases toxins or something
amalahbeth: but I think I'm in more of a violence mood right now
rudecactus: then in that case break out the big guns like terms of endearment
rudecactus: but violence will work
amalahbeth: I lent Dumb & Dumber to someone and I want it back
rudecactus: that's hardly violent
amalahbeth: no, but it has the best diarrhea scene in the history of cinema
rudecactus: I enjoy just plain stupid...I was one of the three people who liked Ishtar
amalahbeth: I don't think I've ever seen that
rudecactus: a classic, misunderstood movie
rudecactus: with some excellent stupid song lyrics
amalahbeth: would you judge me if I told you I own The Fast & The Furious?
rudecactus: hell no...i've never seen it so I cant judge...looked wonderfully mindless to me though
rudecactus: (and that's a good thing)
amalahbeth: Best Worst Dialogue Ever: Vin Diesel: I live my life a quarter-mile at a time!
amalahbeth: I HOWL at that line everytime.
amalahbeth: plus: fast cars! furious people!
rudecactus: who'da thunk it?
amalahbeth: i'm never gonna get this entry up if we keep saying funny things
rudecactus: lol! it'll just be that much more good material though...oh...and for an Escheresque twist, hello everyone reading this post!
amalahbeth: Stop it, man! You're BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL! NOOOO!