Things That Are Making Amy's Head Hurt Today
The Inner Sanctum, Cont'd.

Best Weekend Plans Ever

Two posts in one day! Can you even stand the excitement? But I just HAD to write again to tell you about my awesome plans for the weekend.

BUT FIRST, ONE LAST THING ABOUT THE WHOLE DRUNK THING:

So at lunchtime today, I drove to Starbucks for caffeine and that little antipasto lunch-pack thing they sell, because I was craving some kind of salty lunch meat and really didn’t want to go to the grocery store and end up buying a package of bologna and eating the whole thing before I got to the checkout aisle because that’s totally what I would have done.

What? Oh right. Driving to Starbucks. Hideous, hideous sunlight. A pothole that very nearly killed me. The soothing sounds of Sarah MacLachlan in the CD player.

Park, walk to store humming the song I was just listening to. Enter. Am suddenly aware that I can hear the exact same song playing. Just barely, but I can’t seem to make it stop. I panic and think, “OH MY GOD I AM STILL DRUNK. MY EARS ARE RINGING AND I’M HEARING PHANTOM MUSIC.”

Stricken, I move slowly to the food display and pick out my lunch, trying to look sober and collected. I go to the cashier and order one of the new Light Frappaccinos instead of the orgasmically fantasticular Strawberries & Crème one, because after all this weight-loss bragging I have done, I cannot gain back a single ounce before JournalCon.

Suddenly, I realize the cashier is SINGING THE SAME SONG. She stops when she sees me looking at her, as I imagine I really did look marshmallow toaster I am the walrus-type crazy at this point. I also looked like shit with the aforementioned tote bags under my eyes. But still. I tried to explain.

AMALAH: Heh. I was JUST listening to that song in my car. What a coincidence.

CASHIER GRRL: You mean the song that’s playing now?
CASHIER GRRL: *points at the ceiling*

AMALAH: *stares dumbly at the ceiling as the revelation dawns on her verrrrrry, very slowly that she is not insane, but still very stupid*

CASHIER GRRL: Here's your change. Now get the fuck out of my store.

ACTUALLY NO, HERE'S ANOTHER THING ABOUT THE DRUNK THING:

From an email I wrote to Samantha, regarding Wiccan bumper stickers and keeping Post-It Notes in your car...

The problem with writing on Post-Its in your car is that 1) It's dangerous. 2) They're very sticky. 3) If you use your steering wheel as a writing surface you tend to honk the horn accidentally. 4) You end up with notes like this:

(actual transcription of my notes)

Wiccans + bumper stickers
dragons, good men, etc.
back OFF goddess
Ameriwiccan
Walk ancient ones
Harm None

Not exactly very helpful. Except when you're drunk. Then they apparently make perfect sense.

AND WHAT THE HELL, WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT OF READER CORRESPONDENCE:

A conversation with Meli regarding Care Bear underwear and this trainwreck of a site she provided and for which I loave her now...

AMALAH: That site is going straight on my blogroll of The Crazy. *shudder* Maybe I should send her pictures of my panties?

MELI: I'm thinking that either her or the boyfriend would like that a bit too much. Then it might go from crazy to stalker... She is old enough to know the original Care Bears though. I was wrong about that. She's also old enough to know better than to build a website like that.

AMALAH: She is also wrong about Funshine Bear, whom she says is a girl. All my readers assure me Funshine is a boy, and my readers are always right. So there, Krazy Kare Bear Kook.

AND BACK TO THE DRUNK THING AGAIN, BECAUSE WHY NOT:

MINDY
: Amy, why you no love me on IM?

AMALAH: AM HWERE bur missed you. send messages to no avail. sad now. pout. cry. maybe weep a bit. also druuuuunk.

AND NOW, YOUR ACTUAL POST TOPIC:

Dudes! Jason and I are having dinner tomorrow night with both Mister AND Missus Cactus. Aren't you so jealous now?

THE END.

Comments

samantha

I am so honored to be linked from a post! Now I must go get drunk to celebrate such an honor! But not before I leave a plate of plain M & M's before your altar. (would the Wiccans approve?) Oh, I went to the Care Bear site - I think a picture of your Care Bear underwear would give it the spice it needs.

Zoot

I'm jealous. You are right. But that jealousy is overshadowed the sheer joy of having TWO POSTS to read in one day. And considering I read the drunk one this morning? I got THREE.

Lee

Morty, I thought you had shopping carts under your eyes?

Lee

Morty, I thought you had shopping carts under your eyes?

Lee

Morty, I thought you had shopping carts under your eyes?

Lee

Hee hee hee

Amalah

Lee, you're totally drunk. Quit it.

Mir

Lee is doing that crazy triple-posting thing again! Make it stop!

I am totally jealous of your dinner plans. But do not let Beth make you ravioli, I hear it's dreadful. ;)

By the way, does your non-recollection of proclaiming your love for me and asking for confirmation of reciprocity mean that you only love me in the I'm-so-drunk-that-I-love-everyone kind of way??

Sheryl

Lee you make me laugh.

We must have details of the dinner.

I think i will post drunk tonight, but what if i am a maudlin drunk instead of a funny chirpy drunk? I guess i won't care HA. we can't all be funny chirpy drunks. bastards.

Is it possible to get drunk by reading another drunk's blog? By the looks of this comment i just did.

Sheryl

can we make drunk blogging a meme?

GranolaSpice

I'm going to get really, really drunk tonight JUST so I can post! Or maybe not. But I will seriously consider it. Maybe I will have to be that drunk because I will swimming in a sea of jealousy about your dinner plans. Maybe.

QC

I do stuff like what you did in Starbucks scarily often. And the post-its on the steering wheel? Just did that today.

Kate

Can I just tell you that I was still drunk when I woke up? Like, still drunk enough that I questioned whether or not I should drive to my job. (Which I did, but probably shouldn't have.)

lizardek

2 posts in 1 day! Feel the loave! :D

your personal handmaiden now and forever

Ditto Sheryl-- I love blogging buzzed SO FAR cause my worst offense has been that it makes me "trippy". Woe be to those readers who catch me on a buzzed post when I'm a mean and nasty drunk.

Sheryl

Okay, I just visited the Care Bear site. Forest of Feelings? I think she's missing a few feelings like apathy, hate, anger, lethargy, and depression. I know I should be thankful that everyone is not as cynical as I am, you go care Bear girl...just go.

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