Serenity Now, For Real
Things That Are Making Amy's Head Hurt Today

days of wine and fucking roses or whatever

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Guess who's a little bit drunk, bitches.

GO ON, GUESS.

So first of all, I loave wine,. And also Futurama. TiVo these reruns, like, for real. I did not realize how brilliant this show was until this very minute.

Second of all, guesss what. We're moving!  Maybe. We're going to buy a house (and no, for real, A HOUSE) in the ghetto/murder/kill part of our beautiful nation's capital. Or is it Capital? Capitol? WEhere the fuck is my AP Style Guide?

Anyway. Jason is sitting here going through seventy billion realtor.com printouts of houses right now and there's this one? I totally want to make out with. Yes. I want to make out with a house. Because it's beautiful and has a porch and a two-car garage and a fucking WHIRLPOOL and a fireplace and is just so cute I want to put it in my pocket.

If I had pockets, which I don't right now, for I am wearing this French Connection skirt that hasn't fit since the day after I bought it that NOW FITS and MY ASS IS AWESOME PEOPLE. It;s like a size 2 or something. And by "something" I mean a size 4 which is probably a size 8. But still: AWESOME.

Am skinny and hot. Because of the South Beach diet. And also because of The Crazy. But am calling a doctor tomorrow to get new Crazy Pills I swear. (HJi Mom!)

Also: duuuudes. Other thoughts I'm having right now:\

1) Max is so fucking cute he is BREAKING MY HEART.
2) Especially since I know if we move to murderville Northeast DC I will need to buy a big dog and Max? Will fucking hate that.
3)Maybe Zoot will give me her new dog? Becuase OH MY GOD. That is the cutest dog ever.
4) And Zoot will totally want to give me her dog once she gets the birthday gift I sent her, because it is AWESOME.
5) i WAAAAAAANT THAT DOG.
6) Whoops. Caps lock.
7) My birthday is not until December 27th but I would accept giofts anhytime. Check the fucking About page for ideas
8)I am getting drunker by the minute.

Anyway. That is all that I am thinking of. Except I am also thinking of this Izuzu Rodeo I was behind at this one long red light today? Which had like, ten bumper stickers on it? That were all Wicca-related? And I totally wrote all the bumper stickers down on this little stack of Post-OIts in my purse while at a red light. Becuase I like to keep notes for possible amalah.com entries and apparently I was seriously considering writing a post with some "Didja ever notice how Wiccans have so many bumper stickers on their cars?" or some such total NONSENSE or whatecver.

Anyway. The one bumper sticker I saw today said "I'm an AMERIWICCAN." And another said, "I BELIEVE IN DRAGONS, GOOD MEN AND OTHER MYTHICAL CREATURES." wHICH WAS KIND OF SEXIST WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT. whoops. CAPS lock again.

Anwya. Wiccans need cleverer bumper stickers. I would think of some right now becuase I am totally clever enough but I can't right now because I'm drunk.  Also tehere's another Futurama rerum on now. Fuck all y'all.

Comments

yvonne

I miss drunk posting. how sad is it that I'm jealous of you right now?

Mir

As I have had only advil and no wine (alas!) and I am completely shocked and amused to see a post with you so rife with typos, I will attempt to come up with some more acceptable Wiccan bumper stickers for you:

Wiccans do it in the woods!

My child cast a spell on your honor student. Muhahahaha!

I may be a Wiccan but you're ugly.

Wiccans do it with magic.

Okay, now hand over the wine....

Coleen

Oh my god. I loave you so hard. Am also druinky drunk! Woo!

Dawnie

Amy, I loave you more than ever and I want you now.

Also, I have more wine. Come on over.

yvonne

"RERUM" HAHAHAH

Mindy, your one true ever'lastin' luv

HA! I have been into both the Advil AND the wine!!!! Am tipsy tipsy and Mir, I know I promised, but the boys went to see Shrek and Daph is an angel and it's really good french stuff. Plus? I HAD A HORRIBLE FUCKING WEEK and Amy's doing it so there. Amy, why you no love me on IM?

Chris

Oh how I loave the drunk posting! And seriously? Moving to northeast? You so brave.

Coleen

Y'all, this is now SAVED on my hard drive. Plus the blurb. And 7AM is a bitch to mah hurty, hurty head.

Zoot

First of all - you are freakin' hilarious, and HOT, of course. Second of all - I totally did not get the memo we were going to drunk blog last night! I would have joined in on the fun.

But I can not now because I am locked out of my blog and my email. FOREVER. because my Boss thinks we do Top Secret work or something. And he gave me no warning, and this is the ONLY way I have to communicate with the blog world, is through COMMENTS, so I'm going to leave long ass comments on everyones blogs all day today so no one will forget about me.

I wish I were drunk. This will be the suckiest friday EVER.

Zoot

My dog is the cutest...I forgot to mention that in my haste to whine and sob all over your comments.

Mindy

Dude, Zoot, you make MAPS. WTF??

yvonne

How are you feeling this morning, you big lush? ;-)

martha

I loave you and your drunken ass.

Amber

*clapping hands in glee*

Yay another drunk post from Amy!

*rushing to copy and paste for my future enjoyment lest the Queen delete again...*

your adoring handmaiden

"Blogging Buzzed, Again!" <------ my new bumper sticker-- but I'd like to point out that people keep encouraging me to blog buzzed (cause it's "trippier") and I'm just wondering before I get in too deep--- does AA have a blog chapter? And, will all my enabling, co-dependent commenters have to get help, too?

A Really Bored Zoot

I've read this post nine times now because I know your blog by heart and blogrolling is down. And I've decided this part is the funniest:

"Second of all, guesss what. We're moving! Maybe. We're going to buy a house (and no, for real, A HOUSE) in the ghetto/murder/kill part of our beautiful nation's capital. Or is it Capital? Capitol? WEhere the fuck is my AP Style Guide?"

I love the word "WEhere", is it a typo for "Where" or is it a type for "We here" which would make the sentence sound funny when read aloud.

And I love the whole "We're Moving!" a solid exclamation. Followed by the single word "Maybe"

See? The humor is astounding. Its intelligent and witty. It's drunk comedy at its finest.

Okay. I'm done now.

samantha

hooray for drunk blogging - it's like drunk dialing kicked up a notch. I ALSO saw a Wiccan bumper sticker yesterday, but I can't remember what it said! I remember thinking it was pretty brave to have one here in the Bible Belt - but I like the Post Its in the car idea. It would be very helpful indeed. For things like Wiccan bumper stickers.

Serenity

Found your site a few weeks ago due to the Thursday Haiku Smackdown and have really enjoyed your humor.

However, this drunk blogging post is one of my favorites. I look forward to more.

By that I mean, not necessarily drunk blogging posts, just posts in general although I would not refuse such comic gems as this one in the future. Anyway, hope your head feels ok today.

GranolaSpice

I am so happy that you drunk-blogged! That was exactly what I needed to read this hectic Friday. Also? Welcome to the world of "HOUSE PORN"...I am finally getting over that one. But only because I found my very own. But seriously? I sometimes still like to look at the really fun and expensive houses I can't afford. What's the point of porn if it's what you get every day, right?

Oh! And your ass DOES look hot! I just fit myself back into a pair of supercute pants this morning that haven't fit in a while, and totally understand wanting everyone to know your hotness!

Spammit

So, you are totally so freakin' funny, I think I'm getting a girly crush.

Liz

Good luck with the maybe house. We own one in NE DC and aren't dead yet. I mean, no one has set fire to a car in our alley in over a year...

Lee

Ok, I'm guessing that Jason is the one that is seriously smashed because you're posting and not letting him have his way with you.

Am I close?

For the record, I have now moved you, Morty, to the top of the "People I most admire list"...right above "Saboobaruoo guy". I'm betting you can actually sing. If I attempted to drunk post all you would read about is why my beer is so empty, why everything is so Gaddam loud or quiet and what part of a dog they won't lick. You SO ROCK!

lizardek

*giggles* encore! too damn funny, you are.

Genuine

That's It!!!!! We need a drunk posting party!! Okay that's me every night but I don;t have to do it alone now! Drunk posting I mean.

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