The Inner Sanctum, Cont'd.
Wednesday Advice Smackdown

Freaking Out By the Numbers

Gah. Gah. Gah. Gah.

That’s really all I can say right now.

In fact, let me say it a few more times.

Gah. Gah. Gahgahgahgah.

Work has totally just exploded all over the place. Everywhere with the work.

Next Monday I have seven super-special reports that must go to print. That I must write. Me, alone, with my own words. SEV. EN.

These super-extra-special reports are all about stocks and stuff, which means that I may also have to do math with numbers along with the writing of words.

So I kind of had numbers on the brain when I wrote this entry. I also kind of wrote this entry in short 30-second bursts over a period of two days. I apologize in advance.


Haaaaaa. Isn’t that funny? It’s totally funny. And functional!


Dudes, I totally never talked about my Saturday night dinner with Chris and Beth Cactus. Well, it was so long ago that I kind of forget everything. This is what I remember:

Number of times Amy changed her outfit before Chris and Beth arrived: Four
Number of times Amy changed her outfit after Chris and Beth arrived: One

Number of gifts Chris brought for Amy: Three
Number of gifts Chris brought for Amy that were reality TV star porn home movies: One
Number of gifts Amy had for Chris: Zero

Number of cabs in the entire freaking city when you really need one: Zero
Number of cabs per square inch when you are going out after company has left: Seventy billion and two


Number of Google hits will get for “reality TV star porn home movies”: Seventy billion and three.


Number of lip glosses readers admitted to owning: 37


Number of nickels Amy put in the vending machine yesterday to get some lunch: 17

My only options were ramen noodles or some new low-carb meal replacement thingie that cost two fucking dollars. But the noodles were shrimp (RANDOM FACT: Amy is allergic to shrimp so please don’t feed them to her, for she will die.) so I went with the low-carb thingie. Um, ew?

Number of minutes until Amy was hungry again after eating low-carb thingie: .28473


Number of nickels Amy has for lunch today: 0


Number of misplaced apostrophes Amy has found this week: 48


Number of super-duper-extra-special-with-a-cherry-on-top reports Amy wrote on Monday: 3.5
Number of days Amy has been waiting for someone else to do the second half of that other one: 4

Number of blah-blah-blah-special reports Amy wrote today: 1, sort of

Number left to go: 3.5



Number of times Amy has listened to her new Carbon Leaf CD: 482
Number of times it took Amy to memorize the whole thing: 1

(RANDOM FACT: Amy has a photographic memory, but only for things she hears. A photoauditory memory? This really only helps for CD lyrics and Simpsons episodes, because Amy doesn’t really pay attention to much else.)

Date Jason told Amy was the date of the Carbon Leaf concert: July 13, 2004
Date Jason thought was the date of the Carbon Leaf concert: July 12, 2004
Actual date of the Carbon Leaf concert: July 17, 2004

Number of readers who should buy the dang CD already: Seventy billion and four


Number of times Amy has considered a career change since Monday morning: 324

I think I want to be a lawyer, y’all. Like, for real. Can someone tell me how I become a lawyer? Is it hard?


Number of posts at, including this one, right now: 200
Number of comments at, which are totally skewed because of the Haiku Smackdown, but still: 2,350
Number of weeks we're behind on Grand Master crowning: 3
Number of hits has gotten since November 2003: 52,040
Amount of faith Amy has in that number: Negative seventy billion and five



Honey, next time you have an urge to be a lawyer, you pick up the phone and give Auntie Martha a call. I'll talk you out of it real quick-like.


OK now I'm dizzy and I feel nauseous. Seriously :-p


Okay, having read Mindy's entry and now this... I prescribe... a trip to Sephora. To confirm your eye color. After which, everything else will work itself out. Maybe. (I'm unemployed, remember; I can have fantasies like that.)


Number of times I've read this blog w/out laughing my ass off: 0


Oof... all those numbers made my math-averse little brain hurt. Just for the record, both of the outfits that I saw were totally cute.


Being a lawyer may be cool but going through law school is not. Killer made it through two years before deciding that no, he really still likes Hospitality Management better. I was sad about the money but happy that I no longer had to do all the cleaning since he spent all the non-working, non-sleeping times studying.


Number of times that bitch Junkie stole my comment idea. 1

(heheh. Love ya Junkie)


Wow, I think I'll stop complaining about having to deal with mortgage crap this week...seeing as I've at least got a light work load to deal with. I say you go and treat yourself to another night in the fancy hotel!

Scarlett Cyn

I HATE math. This made my poor widdle head spin. (Nut also made me laugh my ass off) An interesting combination to be sure.

Of course you realize that tomorrow I will have to count my lip glosses and report back?

Oh, and if you, any of you, can get your hands on Pixie cosmetics..... buy, buy, BUY!!! (the lip products smell yummy and leave lips SOFT!)BUt a word to the wise: DO not, I repeat, do NOT buy the cute adorable little lip brush that would fit in even the tiniest little purse, caue it is utter crap. Cute, but crap.


Math? Totally kicks my ass. That's why I write shit without numbers. It may be somewhat fitting - did you happen to look at the name of the wine we brought?


Oh, please promise you will not become a lawyer. It is just miserable. I write blah blah blah orders and briefs all day every day. And the money? Not so great. I keep going to work thinking "This will be the day I find something redeeming." As long as I think that I can work forever... :)


Did I ever tell you about the time that I took Algebra three times in high school? I dropped it twice because I was getting a crappy grade and ended up taking it in summer school and making a B+. Not bad for a third try. ASo you can see, math is not my favorite either.

Do they have jobs where you just finger paint? I think I could handle that.


Huh? What are all those things in this post? The funny little squiggly things after the words? I can't understand what you're trying to say!!

Jasara Evangelist

How much do I LOVE? the new Carbon Leaf CD?!!!?! TOO MUCH! That's how much!

They are amazing... and if my DC buddy (who introduced me to Carbon Leaf) wasn't going to be in Hartford with me at another show, I would put money on him being there with y'all. Well, not with y'all... but you know what I mean. :)

Anyway... HAVE FUN!! I've never seen them live, but I can't imagine that their shows aren't fun!

In other news... still counting my lipglosses, lipsticks, and lipbalms... hence, no published photo or stats. :) lol


I also have an auditory memory. Which is funny, because I have next to nothing in the short term memory department, otherwise. (Actually tested (TM) by a trained psychiatrist (TM))

I am about to become a patent lawyer (well, as soon as I start law school this fall and get out in three years). But that's partially due to a crappy economy. If you have a job you can stand, go with that for now.

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