Freaking Out By the Numbers
July 13, 2004
Gah. Gah. Gah. Gah.
That’s really all I can say right now.
In fact, let me say it a few more times.
Gah. Gah. Gahgahgahgah.
Work has totally just exploded all over the place. Everywhere with the work.
Next Monday I have seven super-special reports that must go to print. That I must write. Me, alone, with my own words. SEV. EN.
These super-extra-special reports are all about stocks and stuff, which means that I may also have to do math with numbers along with the writing of words.
So I kind of had numbers on the brain when I wrote this entry. I also kind of wrote this entry in short 30-second bursts over a period of two days. I apologize in advance.
Haaaaaa. Isn’t that funny? It’s totally funny. And functional!
Number of times Amy changed her outfit before Chris and Beth arrived: Four
Number of times Amy changed her outfit after Chris and Beth arrived: One
Number of gifts Chris brought for Amy: Three
Number of gifts Chris brought for Amy that were reality TV star porn home movies: One
Number of gifts Amy had for Chris: Zero
Number of cabs in the entire freaking city when you really need one: Zero
Number of cabs per square inch when you are going out after company has left: Seventy billion and two
Number of Google hits amalah.com will get for “reality TV star porn home movies”: Seventy billion and three.
Number of lip glosses amalah.com readers admitted to owning: 37
Number of nickels Amy put in the vending machine yesterday to get some lunch: 17
My only options were ramen noodles or some new low-carb meal replacement thingie that cost two fucking dollars. But the noodles were shrimp (RANDOM FACT: Amy is allergic to shrimp so please don’t feed them to her, for she will die.) so I went with the low-carb thingie. Um, ew?
Number of minutes until Amy was hungry again after eating low-carb thingie: .28473
Number of nickels Amy has for lunch today: 0
Number of misplaced apostrophes Amy has found this week: 48
Number of super-duper-extra-special-with-a-cherry-on-top reports Amy wrote on Monday: 3.5
Number of days Amy has been waiting for someone else to do the second half of that other one: 4
Number of blah-blah-blah-special reports Amy wrote today: 1, sort of
Number left to go: 3.5
Number of times Amy has listened to her new Carbon Leaf CD: 482
Number of times it took Amy to memorize the whole thing: 1
(RANDOM FACT: Amy has a photographic memory, but only for things she hears. A photoauditory memory? This really only helps for CD lyrics and Simpsons episodes, because Amy doesn’t really pay attention to much else.)
Date Jason told Amy was the date of the Carbon Leaf concert: July 13, 2004
Date Jason thought was the date of the Carbon Leaf concert: July 12, 2004
Actual date of the Carbon Leaf concert: July 17, 2004
Number of amalah.com readers who should buy the dang CD already: Seventy billion and four
Number of times Amy has considered a career change since Monday morning: 324
I think I want to be a lawyer, y’all. Like, for real. Can someone tell me how I become a lawyer? Is it hard?
Number of posts at amalah.com, including this one, right now: 200
Number of comments at amalah.com, which are totally skewed because of the Haiku Smackdown, but still: 2,350
Number of weeks we're behind on Grand Master crowning: 3
Number of hits amalah.com has gotten since November 2003: 52,040
Amount of faith Amy has in that number: Negative seventy billion and five