Haiku Smackdown: Yadda Yadda Yadda
July 01, 2004
Or, Freaks, Geeks, Creeps & Weirdos (And One Cute Cat Thrown In To Break Up The Scariness)
It's Haiku Smackdown time again, folks. You know what to do, right? No? Okay, here are the rules. And here are the pictures.
Now go 5-7-5 your cold little dark hearts out...
(Pssst...that high school pic? Michael Moore. Carry on.)
A "refresher course"?
Is that a class on sex life,
or how to use douche?
Some things were not meant
to be on my computer
during working hours.
Heh heh huh huh huh
huh heh heh huh heh heh heh
heh heh huh heh heh
-Beavis
Chris, what was that you
once said about junk lining
up. Take it back. Now.
Yo, yo, shout out to
the LAYdeeez! If you must know,
I dress LEFT. And how.
Webster's acting out
an airline security
fantasy with Kim.
I try and I try,
but I cannot get my part
to fall like Michael's.
Hey shutup Beavis!
You're getting your drool on me
go play with yourself!
Pimpy Longstocking
must shave his legs and chest so
champagne flows freely.
A dick in a jar
sounds like a cock in a box
I hope it jumps out!
"Does this lingerie
make me look fat?" "No, but your
junk scares me witless."
Quick, snap it before
the Korean furniture
shop owner sees us!
Mindy my darling
I have been watching for you
So glad you are here!
Would you mind doing
the champagne? I don't want to
snag my gauzy dress.
My mind is now mush
I have stapled my eyes shut
but where does he shop?
That is on page ten
of Fredricks's of Hollyweird
It's affordable.
No use dressing up
In fancy blue and Soul Glow
Moet's a cheap lay
Pickle rues the day
The kind lady seduced him
"Wet and hot and tight."
I bet it's just for
show. He'll pretend to be caught
up in the moment
and that poor bitch will
never get a drop of wine.
Lasts ten dates that way.
"I will miss you, but
i love the catnip more." was
cats suicide note
i've seen some big ones
in my day, but i must say
that's just damn scary
I mean who the fuck
puts their penis in a jar? freaks!
she seems intrigued.
when i die i think i'll
put my breasts in a jar, still
together. why not?
I can do anything
better then you can. Down with
Rasputin's penis!
Come on baby, don't
let this Lego-blue magic
go to waste! It chafes.
Oh my G-d it's him
That fat bastard makes me sick
I can't take no Moore.
Will someone tell me
what to do about this cat
It's been dead for days
Pimp Daddy Lovin'
He'll get you liquored up good
Cuz you'll so need it.
Who is he fooling?
Did he steal that from his wife?
I would rather die.
There's an idea! But
breasts in a jar won't draw a
crowd. Need to be live.
That is so nasty
I will never eat pickles
from a jar again.
My heart just sank. That
looks like Waterford Kildare.
I have that pattern.
Put some hot wings with
Those breasts-in-a-jar and watch
The men flocking in.
Just like Hooters, y'all!
It's all about the food, right?
Whatever, loser.
(sorry, kind of a departure from the Ku topic.)
Maybe he's holding
crystal hostage? "We can get
even tackier!"
Goblets quiver and
weep, "Did you see that urn?? It's
made of plastic!! Auuuuggghh!"
Little does she know
Webster's thinking, "I'd hit it."
and from this side, too.
if you gave him a
perm, Michael Moore would look like
Jsnis Joplin, yo
Fifty grand in a
brown bag, or I pour Moet
into these babies.
Janis Joplin, yo
If it's not here by
midnight, you can be sure I'll
be making cocktails.
Jar is that pattern?
Rasputin has crystal balls?
Crystal dick friendly?
What a big weiner.
Is it wearing a turban?
That's what it looks like.
Evidently, Gen
didn't register at one
of the better stores.
*Making note to self*
soaking in formaldehyde
makes a big johnson.
did the sight just change
color? 'Cuz if not, I need
to call my sponsor
Funny story. All
the crystal and china's mine
in the split. Again.
I think it was Buzz,
he said dick in jar looked like
baby elephant.
Maybe bad karma
is responsible. Will use
Chinet from now on.
I am having a
freaky moment here. Did the
sight just change again?
White to blue and blue
to white. Or am I having
an acid flashback?
Ed has alcohol
induced flashbacks and sees Alf
signing his paychecks.
Was Rasputin born
From love affair with horse and
Catherine the Great?
Mindy stop staring
it is really not that big.
Now stop your smiling.
I have a question:
wouldn't it display better
pointing right-side up?
Need better drugs, kids!
I swear I saw cherries, too
Psychodelic, man!
Rejuvination?
Is that like getting brand new
kitchen cabinets?
No, Gen, you misread
my expression. "One down, so
many more to go!"
The lady in sage
she is looking for the key
wanting that dildo
Maybe I'm just not
very creative today
those were kinda hard.
Good friend Granola
Spice said it best - that jar's
got petrified wood.
Apparently five -
seven - five counting escapes
me today. Need sleep.
Don't you mean "One Up?"
Hey what the hell is that for?
*roar of a chainsaw*
Movie with Mindy
"Johnson Chainsaw Massacre"
She wins the Oscar!
Must love 'ku about
dildos. Just like authentic
Japanese haiku :-)
Do you really count?
Gee Chris my brain types this out
in 5-7-5.
You know, I just got
home and went in my room, I saw
my dildo's that big
god! i just realized
My boobs will be in jar and
my dildo's that big
Does that make me the
freak of all ku-age? hmmm.....
Wait Gen's freakier!
I always thought that
black men were Bigger, but that's
just dissapointing!
Great, one word about my
Dildo collection, and peeps
go running away.
Did I scare you with
my vibrators? They're thera-
putic only, I swear.
I'm the freakiest!
Of course I'm not as freaky
as pussy rebuild.
Has hair like a chick,
and Golden Girls' furniture?
Thats a freaky dude.
I think Rasputin
needs to rejuvenate more
than my vagina.
Super Freak in blue
Is just begging for a date
and has real dildo.
Rejuvination
is what Mindy's Vagina
will need after split.
Poor Mindy... I'll send
you a dildo too. Not one
I used of course :)
That not so fresh feeling?
Get Vag Rejuvenation--
You'll be "feeling right."
Cat was playing ku
My haiku was then perused
I can kill pussy
You know, I can not
believe I'm admiting this.
I know about that.
Rejuvination.
They make the vagina more
"attractive" they say.
But who decides these
things? No two vagina's are
the same. maybe the "twins"?
Shop at Old Navy.
Accessories are half off.
Or is that half sized?
Lil' Kim says get small?
I don't buy it, look at those
hips! no small there yo!
"Killing Me Softly"
Help erase it from my brain
Autumn no comment!
The Olsens Rebuilt
Talk about reality
rejuvination.
Let's call Bob Vila
He can teach us remodel
of your private parts.
Girl's proof positive
that posing with a penis
will get you online
It's a sex museum!
She was hired for her looks,
Just like in Seinfeld.
She should probably
have a talk with her agent.
Not worth ten percent.
Hmmm, I wonder if
Anyone would notice if
I took home this jar.
They have those places?
*Checking the yellow pages*
Nope no sex museum.
Oh. I get it now.
You think that pickled ding dong
is *big*? That's funny.
Rejuvination.
Twat do they mean by that? No
more Pussy Galore
Blue silky pimp guy
Does not stand up to jar dick
Russians have big schlongs
you have to read that
last one like Sean Connery
and say, Puuu-shay, yo
That Webster guy
Is he sportin a sharpie?
Autographed Lil' Kim
I read somewhere that
formaldayde has shrinking
effect on organs
OK kiddies, it's
time to ditch. Time for the home
version of Smackdown!
What does spammit read?
Is that at the adult store?
Questions need answers.
First timer here! Please visit my site...
Silky sheer and blue
Champagne glasses call your name
Wishing you were here
On a roll...
Snow white paws pink nose
Computer keys click click click
Let me sleep in peace
You need not preface
Each of your ku's with a thought
your site music scared!!!
reminder to all
Blog Hunting tomorrow at
my place, be there yo!
Amalah is sick
but her bathroom decor rocks!
She's a pharmacist!
Answer to Gen's Q:
Simply clicked on Rasputin's
Picture on Yahoo
http://iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=29&art_id=qw1087042684705A141&set_id=1