Oh my god.
OH MY GOD.
PEOPLE! FOR REAL! LOOK!
Judith Light. AUTOGRAPHED.
I have yet to stop screaming. I don't believe I ever will.
Blessings and Loave and the Eternal Light of Judith to Martha.
And Cyn pointed out a very valid oversight on my part. OF COURSE there were pictures of the Drunk Ho's and Ugly Dudes at the bar last night. OF COURSE.
I just left them on the camera, at home. Where I am right now, so look! Pictures!
(Click for the full versions, yo.)
From left to right: Bald Grey Polo Shirt is Alpha Male who, for some weird reason, was the one who got all the lapdance action AND was spotted making out with both women. He swapped ladies when Black Talbot's Biz Casual went to the bathroom. Black Talbot's Biz Casual lost her lap to Fluffy Hair (in red, seen here doing a little seat cha-cha). Guy In Jacket just sort of stood there, just like that, all night. Non-Bald Grey Polo Shirt was the owner of the laptop that Black Talbot's Biz Casual spilled a beer on. He wore a lot of pagers and phones. The beer belonged to Tacky Golf Shirt (not pictured), who was Black Talbot's Biz Casual's back-up guy after she lost out on Alpha Male.
"Look at meeee! I am strong! Feel my muscles! Wheee!"
Alpha Male: *hot tongue action*
Fluffy Hair: *about to vomit*
Guy In Jacket: *kind of thinks these people are jackasses*
Non-Bald Grey Polo Shirt: Heh. Heh. Yeeeah.
It's the elusive Tacky Golf Shirt Guy! Totally working the fanny pack too.
(And while this picture looks tame? Please bear in mind that I seriously watched this woman lick this man's face. Yes. LICK.)
Okay, okay, enough with meanness. They were wasted, they were loud, they were all married and vaguely squicky.
But we were also drunk. Luckily, instead of licking random guys' faces, I just staged elaborate productions using the plastic bulls that came with our mojitos.
Yellow Bull: How YOU doin'?
Green Bull: *about to vomit*