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June 2004
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August 2004


Oh my god. OH MY GOD. PEOPLE! FOR REAL! LOOK! Judith Light. AUTOGRAPHED. I have yet to stop screaming. I don't believe I ever will. Blessings and Loave and the Eternal Light of Judith to Martha. And Cyn pointed out a very valid oversight on my part. OF COURSE there were pictures of the Drunk Ho's and Ugly Dudes at the bar last night. OF COURSE. I just left them on the camera, at home. Where I am right now, so look! Pictures! (Click for the full versions, yo.) From left to right: Bald Grey Polo Shirt is Alpha Male... Read more →

See Amalah. See Amalah Lose Her Shit.

SEE AMALAH UPDATE AFTER A WHOLE DAMN DAY FOR SHE IS LAZY: Friday. Fri. Day. Bitch. Es. Too bad I woke up thinking it was Saturday. I’ve actually done that every blessed day this week. I blame D.C. Restaurant Week, which has required me to get dressed up every night and go out for dinner at swanky places and totally gives every night a Friday night vibe. (Restaurant Week is well, a week where, well, restaurants lower their prices and let the poor white trash in for a three-course meal for $30 a person. Which should mean you get a... Read more →

Wednesday Advice Smackdown

SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: KVETCHING ABOUT A LACK OF QUESTIONS MAY LEAD TO AN OVERABUNDANCE OF QUESTIONS. Your advice columnist woke up this morning with a vague hangover and a bad attitude. Also with a dentist appointment first thing. Have you gone to the dentist when hungover? I do not recommend it. There. That is my first advice of the day. Once again, I’ll be tackling questions whenever I get a moment’s rest from That Other Job, The One That Pays Me Money For Shoes. New questions shall appear sporadically below, in reverse blog-order (newest on the bottom of the page,... Read more →

This Post Has No Pictures At All

Sorry about that. It’s all reading and words. But don’t worry, I don’t use any big words. And I seriously have the attention span of a gnat today. A drunk gnat. We’re going to Miami! South Beach. In two weeks. A last-minute little getaway for our anniversary. Six years. SIX. We’re on two hands now. We’ll be using our toes to count the years soon. HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED ABOUT P/E RATIOS? Of course you have. Here, I wrote this today and would like to share it: That’s the forward P/E ratio, and there’s no need to worry about figuring... Read more →

"Weekend" -- A Musical Extravaganza In Three Acts

Am back. Y’all missed me, right? Well, not really, Amy. You never update over the weekend so I don’t even bother to come visit and was only vaguely aware that you were somewhere besides sitting on your own couch all weekend. Miserable bastards. Oh yeah, I totally missed you. Bitch. (stony silence) Ok, ok. Please tell me all about your frigging weekend already. Post some pictures and then shut the hell up. Thank you! I had a lovely weekend, actually. It was quite busy. But right now I’m having that “oh shit oh shit oh shit” feeling that comes from... Read more →

Packing Diary II: The Packening

Going on a little trip, chickies. Tomorrow morning I head on out to Pennsylvania to visit with the parental units. Dad and I are going to a Phillies game; Mom and I are going to spend money and buy shoes. Everyone's a winner! AND AND AND then? On Sunday? I shall be brunching with Coleen and Diana in Philadelphia, which shall temporarily be renamed the City of Brotherly Loave in our honor. And we are totally bringing a picture of Judith Light to prop up on an empty chair and talk to like she is really there with us. Because... Read more →

We Don't Need No Effin' Cohesion

TODAY'S FREAKOUT, BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE NUMBER ELEVEN: Hey, anybody remember last week? When I had seven special report things to write for work? And how much I complained about it? Am stupid girl. Drama queen. I know NOT of what I speak. Next week? Eleven reports. E. LEV. EN. And I won't actually have a week this time. I really have about four days. What's four divided by eleven? Or I am supposed to divide eleven by four? Or is that the same thing? How in the world have I not been fired yet? Yes, it's back. I... Read more →

The Wednesday Advice Smackdown

SAME GARBAGE, MORE WORDS, LESS CAFFEINE Holy crap, I’m tired. Sorry for the delay in today’s advice spectacular, but I was kind of hoping the Sprinkles/Jimmies war would lead to some violence. Instead, it's just getting embarassing for just about everybody involved. Way too many intelligent adults making "jimmy hat" jokes. Which are funny. But. Still. Also, I have been waiting ALL DAMN DAY for the office coffee maker to get fixed. Yes, that is right. FIXED. It’s some complicated coffee-packet-filtration system thing from Gevalia, and today it had a big OUT OF ORDER sign taped over it. I am... Read more →

Please Report to the Amalah's Office

Good afternoon, lovelies. I am calm and collected today, and only barely on the verge of a spaz attack of some kind. So does that mean this entry will be boring? Possibly. But there are pictures! Pictures are not boring. Unless they are pictures of my office, which they totally are, so yes. Boring. (I still have not stopped with the new camera love. I mean, it is SO TINY. And I PUSH A BUTTON and it TAKES A PICTURE. I will NEVER QUIT with the LOVE for this CAMERA.) Well, I will for awhile, because the battery just died.... Read more →

The Weekend of the Leaf

BUT FIRST, THE SLEEP REPORT: Friday night: 12 glorious (albeit strongly medicated) hours of sleep. Saturday night: Yeah, not so much. But how much sleep can you really expect after finding yourself in line for chili cheese fries at 3:30 am? (Yeah, just keep reading.) Although I did have this one really vivid dream about being Mariah Carey’s personal assistant. Mariah was exactly the sort of damaged train wreck one secretly hopes she is, except even more so, like Anna Nicole Smith. Like I picked out a dress for her to wear and she put it on backwards and I... Read more →