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Things I Don't Want To Talk About

The Inner Sanctum

I'm home sick again today. AGAIN. This must end, for I am going crazy. I am also losing touch with the outside world a wee bit, as evidenced by today's post, which is about...

starting with the amy in the mirror

My bathroom.

Or rather, the contents of my medicine cabinet. Yes, seriously. And there's pictures and everything. This is where I'm finding amusement today, so y'all can just indulge me. Then bring me some damn soup.

I really, really need to go back to work tomorrow.

oh-dear-god Ta-da! Quite a collection of crap, no? And the little pink basket on the top shelf? Totally keeps everything organized and orderly.

always wear sunscreen Would you be liking some screen of sun? This is truly the cabinet of pasty, pasty white folks.

junk Under The Sink: A dark place where unwanted products go to die. Where hopes of the perfect sunless tan and smooth, beautiful skin go to rot.

thief My secret shame. I am a complete and utter kleptomaniac when it comes to free hotel toiletries. I hide them in my bag every day so the maid will give me more, and then I bring them home and horde them under my sink. This one time? I was in my friend's room on a business trip? And I stole HER mini-shampoos. And a shower cap.

hair, the musical Moving right along to the shelf on the wall. Which contains approximately $500 worth of hair products. I should look into getting an insurance policy for it. By the way, the BedHead products really work, but I would probably buy them anyway because they look so totally bitchin'.

excedrin-gallery So yeah. I get headaches. And I buy anything and everything with the name "Excedrin" on it, just as I insist on trying every new variation of Coca-Cola that hits the market, for I take brand loyalty to cult-like levels.

From top left, moving clockwise: A 250-count bottle of Excedrin Classic. I tap this puppy at least three times a week, not counting the times I use it to refill the mini-bottle I keep in my purse. Excedrin Migraine, for those serious bitch headaches. Contains so much caffeine that it makes me tremble from head to toe, and also so much pain medication that it makes me walk into walls. Excedrin Tension Headache, because it was new and different. Have no idea what a tension headache is and why I need to treat it differently. I take this stuff when I've got a headache and am extra cranky. Excedrin QuickTabs, purchased on a car trip when I didn't want to drink anything that would make me have to pee and pull over again. The most disgusting things ever, in the history of disgusting. They may cure your headache but then you'll just need Pepto Bismol to stop the vomiting.

frankenbandage fauxpoo zitmaker
The Excedrin QuickTabs leads us to the rest of the Gallery of Regrettable Products. This is the stuff that just Sucks, and yet we keep it, either because it was expensive or because the trash can was full the day we discovered it sucked. Here's a sampling, from left to right: New Skin Liquid Bandage, aka Frankenbandage. This stuff ain't right, people. First of all, it smells exactly like nail polish remover, which is not something I generally associate as being good for open wounds. Continuing this theme, the stuff goes on like clear nail polish, which is fine for repairing ripped panty hose, but ripped skin? No. Ew. Plus, it looks like you have leprosy while you wear it and hurts like hell to peel off. Wear a fucking band-aid already. KMS Do-Over Cleansing Spray. Claims to be sprayable shampoo, basically. Perfect for touch-ups after work or to remove excess product from hair. Except that it totally doesn't. At all. And it makes your hair slimy. NEXT! Neutrogena Rapid Clear Gel. HA. No.

the holy grail The Mysteries of the Sephora Make-Up Case... Shall not be revealed in this entry, for the batteries died in my camera. And also, enough already.

Comments

Sarah

That was one of my favorite posts that you ever did. Feel better!!!

Chris

Its quite possible you've outdone yourself. Really. The Gallery of Regrettable Products? Instant classic. But for a sick woman, you look purty :-)

Hilldery

I too have a secret addiction to free hotel toiletries. The best so far? The Mayflower had Bath & Bodyworks stuff.

I also want your Sephora makeup case and I haven't even seen the inside yet!

bmh

So I took pictures of my bathroom contents about 3 months ago when I re-organized everything in there because it wasn't lined up perfectly straight. I feel so much better about myself knowing that I'm not alone when taking a camera into the bathroom. Even though I wasn't sick at the time, and I was just documenting my anality... hmmm...

Feel better!!

nicole

I see Kleenex Wipes, I do I do I do! Are they not the best invention EVER? I get the generic ones from Walmart though. They work just as well but are much cheaper.

Or maybe those are makeup remover wipes. Walmart sells those too. :)

Scarlett Cyn

Love this post darlin. Here now, take this homemade chicken soup I made for you and shove it down yer gullet. You'll be better in no time, promise.

Thank you for this post. I loved it! I feel totally justified at the piles of stuff I have laying about MY bathroom now. The good, the bad, and the "I paid how much for this shit that doesn't work?" SMOOCHY! Now then....

A couple of things: 1) yer man smells good, cause I spied that big-ass bottle of Ralph Lauren Safari! 2)Yeah, Bed Head is great stuff. I agree! 3)um, you need to top up the toilet paper thingie before your next potty trip. I noticed it was empty. WHAT??? I'm like that!

*makes note to self: must buy those Excedrin migrane thingies when I come to US...sounds like good shit!*

*remnider...when visiting with amalah, swipe Sephora makeup case on way out*

See, it just goes to show you that I truly live in the middle of nowhere. There is NO SEPHORA, aka Makeup Addicts Heaven where I live, or ANYWHERE NEAR where I live (ie, in surrounding countries). Bastards.

zeno

I am absolutely astounded, amazed and a little bit intimidated. You have the most incredible collection of stuff in there, and I warrant that perhaps some therapy is on the horizon.

la gringa

I too, have an obsession with hotel bathroom products. W hotels give out Aveda and I haven't had to actually purchase their moisturizing body lotion in months! Recently stayed at Crowne Plaza where I was treated to, among other things, a nice little bottle of lavender linen spray.

Hope you feel better soon!

la gringa

Coleen

Didja see Rule #5 on my latest entry?

I'm just saying - I might not be the one to invite to see your place that weekend. You might find yourself missing some products. It all has made me green with envy and greed.

myllissa

I have that new skin stuff! My father-in-law told me to buy it. He plays guitar and one year for Christmas they bought me one. He was sure that if I put that crap on my finger tips, I wouldn't get blisters and calluses as all new guitar players do. As you know, it works about as good as putting rubber cement on your skin. Fun to peel off if you are bored and smeer it all over your hands instead of practicing the guitar!

Oooo, Bed Head! I have about $500 worth of Bumble and Bumble hair products. I am convinced that the only reason I purchase such items is to impress people when they come over and secretly look through my bathroom. It's not like I can afford it.

zanie

I though I was the only person on earth with piles of unused toiletries and MOUNTAINS of hotel bath products. And that pink basket? So totally have one of those, too! Makes that cabinet MUCH more organized.

That collection of sunblock rivals my own. I refuse to get skin cancer so I have everything from an spf 2 to an spf 50. Why even bother with an spf 2 if you have fair skin? It just means you can stay outside like 10 minutes rather than burst into flame the second you step into the sun.

Feel better!

Xzhibit

Your make-up case reminds me of the "football" that is cuffed to the hand of some poor bastard who follows the president around. I think it has nuclear secrets in it, as well as the presidents make-up.

C

Roxie

Damn girl! What a spectacular collection of #*@!! I mean high quality products. I have three kids, Mr. R and myself work in pharmacy, and your cabinet rivals ours! The hotel goodies are very impressive. You could do what my mother-in-law does, give them away as birthday gifts. It is so much fun pretending that you didn't notice she just gave you FREE HOTEL TOILETRIES! Just smile and nod . . .

Nicole

LOL!!! I really enjoyed the tour through your bathroom. You know, you just saved any future houseguests from having to nose through your medicine cabinet. Hope you feel better soon! But, if not, may I suggest pictures of your freezer and refridgerator.

Zoot

Its Friday night! I have no life! But I had to tell you I LOAVE LOAVE LOAVE the new layout dahling!!! Whee!!!

myllissa

So, I dropped by here yesterday to see how you were. I came around today and see that you have remodeled the place. Someone had some time on their hands because they were home sick! It looks fabulous, and I can't wait to see it when you are completely done with it!

Fraulein N

I LOAVE this post. Usually you have to sneak around to get a peek inside people's medicine cabinets. And when I say "you," I mean that hypothetically. Completely. That is not something I would ever actually do or anything.

Tjej

Woooot! New look!

Loverly :)

your personal handmaiden now and forever

Well my queen-- here's the truth-- you have been sick for days upon days and I have offered not even the smallest word of comfort nor a fresh, lavender scented heirloom handkerchief with which to wipe your sweaty brow. *heavy sigh* I am a travesty of a handmaiden, for sure. Can I just say that the latest full moon really fucked me up good? Got my brain in a vice and my soul stuck like gum to the shoe of some fat-assed tourist. I am sorry you have been sick. I hope the worst has passed. You are wise to be reviewing the bathroom cabinet and if you do a BIG purge and clean down of it, it will bring tremendous HEALTHY energy to you-- via feng shui of course. And, last thing-- LURVE the new layout you creative wonderkinder-- WHO else would be sick and still create new things? I ask you, who?!!! My queen--- she alone.

Shiz

That was a great entry Get better, though, okay?

Man, if only I had a job where I'd prefer to be working that at home.

Suzanna Danna

Hope you are feeling better! Loave the new layout!

Another Pam

Nice new look! I covet it.
Also...I'm not sure you have enough sunblock.

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