I'm home sick again today. AGAIN. This must end, for I am going crazy. I am also losing touch with the outside world a wee bit, as evidenced by today's post, which is about...
Or rather, the contents of my medicine cabinet. Yes, seriously. And there's pictures and everything. This is where I'm finding amusement today, so y'all can just indulge me. Then bring me some damn soup.
I really, really need to go back to work tomorrow.
Ta-da! Quite a collection of crap, no? And the little pink basket on the top shelf? Totally keeps everything organized and orderly.
Would you be liking some screen of sun? This is truly the cabinet of pasty, pasty white folks.
Under The Sink: A dark place where unwanted products go to die. Where hopes of the perfect sunless tan and smooth, beautiful skin go to rot.
My secret shame. I am a complete and utter kleptomaniac when it comes to free hotel toiletries. I hide them in my bag every day so the maid will give me more, and then I bring them home and horde them under my sink. This one time? I was in my friend's room on a business trip? And I stole HER mini-shampoos. And a shower cap.
Moving right along to the shelf on the wall. Which contains approximately $500 worth of hair products. I should look into getting an insurance policy for it. By the way, the BedHead products really work, but I would probably buy them anyway because they look so totally bitchin'.
So yeah. I get headaches. And I buy anything and everything with the name "Excedrin" on it, just as I insist on trying every new variation of Coca-Cola that hits the market, for I take brand loyalty to cult-like levels.
From top left, moving clockwise: A 250-count bottle of Excedrin Classic. I tap this puppy at least three times a week, not counting the times I use it to refill the mini-bottle I keep in my purse.
Excedrin Migraine, for those serious bitch headaches. Contains so much caffeine that it makes me tremble from head to toe, and also so much pain medication that it makes me walk into walls.
Excedrin Tension Headache, because it was new and different. Have no idea what a tension headache is and why I need to treat it differently. I take this stuff when I've got a headache and am extra cranky.
Excedrin QuickTabs, purchased on a car trip when I didn't want to drink anything that would make me have to pee and pull over again. The most disgusting things ever, in the history of disgusting. They may cure your headache but then you'll just need Pepto Bismol to stop the vomiting.
The Excedrin QuickTabs leads us to the rest of the Gallery of Regrettable Products. This is the stuff that just Sucks, and yet we keep it, either because it was expensive or because the trash can was full the day we discovered it sucked. Here's a sampling, from left to right:
New Skin Liquid Bandage, aka Frankenbandage. This stuff ain't right, people. First of all, it smells exactly like nail polish remover, which is not something I generally associate as being good
for open wounds. Continuing this theme, the stuff goes on like clear nail polish, which is fine for repairing ripped panty hose, but ripped skin? No. Ew. Plus, it looks like you have leprosy while you wear it and hurts like hell to peel off. Wear a fucking band-aid already.
KMS Do-Over Cleansing Spray. Claims to be sprayable shampoo, basically. Perfect for touch-ups after work or to remove excess product from hair. Except that it totally doesn't. At all. And it makes your hair slimy. NEXT!
Neutrogena Rapid Clear Gel. HA. No.
The Mysteries of the Sephora Make-Up Case...
Shall not be revealed in this entry, for the batteries died in my camera. And also, enough already.