This Post Has No Pictures At All

Sorry about that. It’s all reading and words. But don’t worry, I don’t use any big words.

And I seriously have the attention span of a gnat today.  A drunk gnat.

We’re going to Miami! South Beach. In two weeks. A last-minute little getaway for our anniversary. Six years. SIX. We’re on two hands now. We’ll be using our toes to count the years soon.

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED ABOUT P/E RATIOS?

Of course you have. Here, I wrote this today and would like to share it:

That’s the forward P/E ratio, and there’s no need to worry about figuring it our yourself…Yahoo Finance has it for you!  If you go to Yahoo and enter a quote, you’ll see a P/E ratio come up with all the other basics, but this is not the one you want. That’s the “trailing P/E ratio” which is talking about PAST earnings history, not future earnings potential.

If you are talking about the company’s estimated earnings for this year, you’re talking about the FUTURE earnings, so you want the “forward P/E ratio.”  From the basic quote page at Yahoo, click on “Key Statistics” from the left-hand column. In the top box you’ll see the forward P/E ratio. Take that number.

For example, I have a quote open now for Microsoft. If I look at the forward P/E, Yahoo gives it as 20.50.  I would then say that MSFT is trading at 20X its 2004 estimated earnings.

I apologize for the above. While it’s one thing to not have anything to write about, it’s something completely different to purposely torture your audience just because you felt like cutting-and-pasting something.

A NOTE TO ALL THE BRAVE WOMEN COMING HERE EXPECTING SOME SORT OF MOTHERLY WANTINGS AND ROLE MODELSHIP:

I have been added to Julie’s Big Ass Page Of Infertile People Who Write Things On The Internet. 

See?

And while this thrills me beyond belief (Traffic! Hits! Julie knows I exist!), it also makes me sad, sad, sad.

I was supposed to be all pregnant and fat by now, but I am not. I am skinny and get drunk a lot. This should be a good thing, but it’s not.

(Has anyone ever managed to get your period at the exact moment you've chosen to take a pregnancy test? I have. Am talented. Am also pathetic, because I still stared at that blood-stained pee stick for a minute and a half to make sure the results window said negative.)

(All male readers have just fled screaming from the room.)

Anyway, I hate Clomid, because it Did Not Work and it was Supposed To Work. So now what? IUI? Other various injectables that will leave me bruised and hormonal and riddled with The Crazy? $10,000 IVF cycles? Black-market babies?  Another cat?

My next-door neighbor is about to have baby number two. Guess when we started trying? Back before baby number one. I found myself spilling this information to her right after congratulating her on the second pregnancy.

"Congratulations!  Wow, number two. So soon? Really? Well, I guess she IS coming up on two years old…but you know you’re not the only grown-ups in the building who would like to be all responsible and shit because we’re trying but it’s not working because I’m defective and I’d appreciate it if you stopped flaunting your own glorious fertility all over the place, thank you very much."

Blah. Am a bitch.

Number of questions I have received for tomorrow’s advice column: 0

ZERO. What, I don’t look like someone who can be relied upon to fix your stupid problems?  What, you want your advice columnist to have functioning ovaries and mental stability all of a sudden?

Everyone raise your hands if you are sick of that little divider thing and wish I would stop thinking it's cute and stop being too lazy to write a cohesive, well-thought-out, non-MTV-generation-type post.

Yeah? Well. It's hormones...or something. Step off.

IF YOU THINK I AM CAPABLE OF MORE INTELLIGENT THOUGHTS THAN THESE, YOU ARE WRONG, MISTER

A conversation with Chris:

amalah: you think that three-squash soup from last thursday is still good?
amalah: I’ve had it in the fridge
amalah: (I'm such a child.)
chris: not sure about that but there’s one way to find out!
amalah: Here! Smell this for me!
chris: I'm the same way with food and stuff
chris: sniff sniff...mmm, three squash!
amalah: hmmm...I think it’s down to about two and a half squash
amalah: squashes?
amalah: squashi?
chris: I was just thinking that
amalah: squashes doesn't look right. It's a verb
chris: yeah, that doesn't seem quite right to me either...just squash?
amalah: i think so
chris: like fish
chris: fish and squash
amalah: one squash, two squash, red squash, blue squash
chris: LOL
chris: Dr. Squasheuss
chris: Horton Hears A Squash
amalah: To Think That I Saw It On Squashberry Street
chris: Hop On Squash
amalah: Green Eggs and Squash
chris: There's a Squash In My Pocket
chris: Yertle the Squash
amalah: How the Squash Stole Christmas
chris: Squash in Socks
amalah: Did I Ever Tell You How Squashy You Are?
chris: Thidwick and the Big Hearted Squash
chris: (obviously I'm cheating, for I have gone to Amazon)
amalah: (me too)

(EDITED TO ADD: If you would like a post with pictures, I advise you to go HERE.)