"Weekend" -- A Musical Extravaganza In Three Acts
Wednesday Advice Smackdown

This Post Has No Pictures At All

Sorry about that. It’s all reading and words. But don’t worry, I don’t use any big words.

And I seriously have the attention span of a gnat today.  A drunk gnat.


We’re going to Miami! South Beach. In two weeks. A last-minute little getaway for our anniversary. Six years. SIX. We’re on two hands now. We’ll be using our toes to count the years soon.



Of course you have. Here, I wrote this today and would like to share it:

That’s the forward P/E ratio, and there’s no need to worry about figuring it our yourself…Yahoo Finance has it for you!  If you go to Yahoo and enter a quote, you’ll see a P/E ratio come up with all the other basics, but this is not the one you want. That’s the “trailing P/E ratio” which is talking about PAST earnings history, not future earnings potential.

If you are talking about the company’s estimated earnings for this year, you’re talking about the FUTURE earnings, so you want the “forward P/E ratio.”  From the basic quote page at Yahoo, click on “Key Statistics” from the left-hand column. In the top box you’ll see the forward P/E ratio. Take that number.

For example, I have a quote open now for Microsoft. If I look at the forward P/E, Yahoo gives it as 20.50.  I would then say that MSFT is trading at 20X its 2004 estimated earnings.


I apologize for the above. While it’s one thing to not have anything to write about, it’s something completely different to purposely torture your audience just because you felt like cutting-and-pasting something.



I have been added to Julie’s Big Ass Page Of Infertile People Who Write Things On The Internet. 


And while this thrills me beyond belief (Traffic! Hits! Julie knows I exist!), it also makes me sad, sad, sad.

I was supposed to be all pregnant and fat by now, but I am not. I am skinny and get drunk a lot. This should be a good thing, but it’s not.

(Has anyone ever managed to get your period at the exact moment you've chosen to take a pregnancy test? I have. Am talented. Am also pathetic, because I still stared at that blood-stained pee stick for a minute and a half to make sure the results window said negative.)

(All male readers have just fled screaming from the room.)

Anyway, I hate Clomid, because it Did Not Work and it was Supposed To Work. So now what? IUI? Other various injectables that will leave me bruised and hormonal and riddled with The Crazy? $10,000 IVF cycles? Black-market babies?  Another cat?

My next-door neighbor is about to have baby number two. Guess when we started trying? Back before baby number one. I found myself spilling this information to her right after congratulating her on the second pregnancy.

"Congratulations!  Wow, number two. So soon? Really? Well, I guess she IS coming up on two years old…but you know you’re not the only grown-ups in the building who would like to be all responsible and shit because we’re trying but it’s not working because I’m defective and I’d appreciate it if you stopped flaunting your own glorious fertility all over the place, thank you very much."

Blah. Am a bitch.


Number of questions I have received for tomorrow’s advice column: 0

ZERO. What, I don’t look like someone who can be relied upon to fix your stupid problems?  What, you want your advice columnist to have functioning ovaries and mental stability all of a sudden?


Everyone raise your hands if you are sick of that little divider thing and wish I would stop thinking it's cute and stop being too lazy to write a cohesive, well-thought-out, non-MTV-generation-type post.

Yeah? Well. It's hormones...or something. Step off.



A conversation with Chris:

amalah: you think that three-squash soup from last thursday is still good?
amalah: I’ve had it in the fridge
amalah: (I'm such a child.)
chris: not sure about that but there’s one way to find out!
amalah: Here! Smell this for me!
chris: I'm the same way with food and stuff
chris: sniff sniff...mmm, three squash!
amalah: hmmm...I think it’s down to about two and a half squash
amalah: squashes?
amalah: squashi?
chris: I was just thinking that
amalah: squashes doesn't look right. It's a verb
chris: yeah, that doesn't seem quite right to me either...just squash?
amalah: i think so
chris: like fish
chris: fish and squash
amalah: one squash, two squash, red squash, blue squash
chris: LOL
chris: Dr. Squasheuss
chris: Horton Hears A Squash
amalah: To Think That I Saw It On Squashberry Street
chris: Hop On Squash
amalah: Green Eggs and Squash
chris: There's a Squash In My Pocket
chris: Yertle the Squash
amalah: How the Squash Stole Christmas
chris: Squash in Socks
amalah: Did I Ever Tell You How Squashy You Are?
chris: Thidwick and the Big Hearted Squash
chris: (obviously I'm cheating, for I have gone to Amazon)
amalah: (me too)

(EDITED TO ADD: If you would like a post with pictures, I advise you to go HERE.)



That post? Squashariffic! Oh, and for the record, I did not run screaming from this post :-)


No period on pregnancy test for me. But period AT store that I was at for the SOLE purpose of buying a pregnancy test. When I went back home and cried? I realized I needed tampons and had to go back to aforementioned store. So, can I join your club of The Crazy, Volume: TTC?


You guys? Stop it. You're making me all sad and weepy. I read AB's page today and it did more of the same. I am heading to the UPS store now to send you some eggs. Or something. Maybe if I pack them on ice, they will still be good? I would give you all babies if I could. Seriously. I'm not going to have any, so you can have all of mine. At least cosmically, doesn't that equate somehow? I would if I could...


i'm adding you to my prayer chain. now when i go to sleep i'll add "i hope amy AND zoot get knocked up soon. amen."

and questions for tomorrow? i got one for you.

dear amy,

i've been talking to the guy online for the last 3 weeks or so. we've been doing the email chatting thing and have been flirting back and forth. we've seen photos of each other and both of us have stated that on a scale of 1-10 in wanting to meet in person, we're both about an 8. he lives in the same town as i do. here is my question. he has my phone number and has had it for a few days, yet he only emails me and doesn't call. he says he wants to meet, but hasn't asked me out definitively. what gives? is he just out for a piece of a$$ as a friend suggested? and if so, don't we have to TALK first so that we can meet?


been out of the game way too long.


I will never ever never ever never ever even be able to look at a pregancy test again without thinking that it could be red.


The next time Chris and I get into one of those squash-type conversations, can I call you? We can gang up on him and have so many more than him that he will have no choice but to cry like a little girl. Also, come on, no The Squash in the Hat? That's just plain wrong.

type a

your gah gah gahs are so much better than my lame ass meme from today.

and? if we're voting? i say "another cat." but, at least you're already working on it. i won't know that i'm challenged [is that the word we're using?] for years yet. something to look forward to.

Scarlett Cyn

Chris did not go running from this post cause he is a REAL man and is not afraid to obviously prove that he is a WEE bit in touch with his feminine side.

Amy? Did you notice that you and I are on Julie's list? On the same one?

gah gah gah gah gah gah gah gah gah gah gah gah

(I love that, don't stop)


The world is a very unfair place. So many idiots (myself included, I guess) get knocked up at the mere THOUGHT of sexual encounters, and all of these good people who are actually deserving of having little babies are having trouble getting them. Very not fair.


Amy, I'm sorry you've officially joined the ranks of the infertiles. I know it doesn't make up for any of it, but we're very, very cool. Just stay away from people who say things like baby dust...


I still think you're the loaveliest.


Holy crap. I always assumed you had a drunk monkey making up those advice questions. I was really embarrassed that your drunk monkey made me laugh.


Also, um, can I admit that I did NOT know there were three types of squash. And also? Have I told you lately how much I loave, no, LOVE your design? I was reskinning my site last night and I just kept thinking "Not as cute as Amalahs".


"A Squash in my Pocket" sounds, um, uh... suspect.

Love the gahs. Do not get rid of them! I loave them.

Also, I am not using my eggs. Would you like them? My uterus perhaps? I have no idea if it will work better than yours, but it's worth a shot?


i just love squash. You're so squashy, Amalah. You know, the Bed Head product from yesterday's post is kinda squash shaped. Hmmm. Yes, I will also be praying for you and the Zoot to get knocked up and STAY that way. I feel guilty almost for not having pregnancy issues and reading all about yours and Zoot's and getupgrrl's but lord I am getting some education. And the only reason I don't have pregnancy issues is because I'm not trying to get pregnant...being unmarried and avoiding all baby making activity...so I have plenty of eggs to share...
also am a fan of the gahs. Would like to steal them but then everyone would boo and hiss.


I'm new! I'm new!
someone tell me how the advice thing works. Do I just ask?

that seems forward. Anyhow, I could use tons of advice or at least I can pretend.


I'm link-deficient.
I should have just clicked.

false information needed alarm.



The thing about being among the Infertiles is that it's a lifelong club, and No Fun At All. I still consider myself a member, 2 kids later. I would give anything to make things different for you and Zoot (and most others I know who still struggle). All I can tell you--which will probably sound stupid and trite and make you want to smack me--is that somewhere deep in my heart I believe that my struggle in attaining motherhood was something I needed. Would I choose it again? Hell NO. But it worked out in the end, for me, and I KNOW it will for you as well. Now if we could just light a fire under someone's ass and speed it all up, that'd be good, too....


Loave the squash outta you!


Sorry for your trials and tribulations re: the whole baby thing. I know how much it hurts to watch the neighbor conveive time and time again while you hope for one, just one, damn egg to take! Hang in there.

Oh, by the way: how much do I LOVE Carbon Leaf's Indian Summer? SO. DAMN. MUCH. I can't even tell you! If it was on cassette tape, I would have worn it out by now!

your personal handmaiden now and forever

Your heart is so big it would blow all the giant squashes away at the State Fair--it is that big. And your brain? That's a three-squash soup for sure because you are clever, original and searingly honest and that's why you are QUEEN of Everything. And you deserve to populate your kingdom with lots of smart little royal baby squashes-- and I am sending out good good wishes to the universe that it happens soon for you.


Ok, so I have a real, honest-to-goodness question (and a new email address, so I can ask it)!

My fiance is going through another round of "is the cancer back?" This is a month-long prep perioud where he gets more and more tired from not taking his medication (thyroid stuff) in order to get a scan completed. Then they nuke him.

I've been through this once before, and I hated every second of it. He gets depressed and just exhausted and then I can't see him because he's radioactive.

How can I make this month better for the both of us?


P.S. - Keep in mind during the worst week? I'll be starting law school.

Suzanna Danna

I'm sorry things haven't turned out the way you and your husband planned. (much loave)

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