Wednesday Advice Smackdown
Miami Rhapsody

Mysteries of the Universe, Part One

In which Amalah confronts the questions of the ages...

What the hell am I banging and bruising my knee on repeatedly? Who is kicking me without my knowledge?

Where did all my red pens go? How do I keep buying and buying red pens and yet never have any?

Is it totally wrong to think the cleaning people are probably stealing my pens?

How can that really be how you spell "debilitating?"  That doesn't look right. I feel like it needs an "h" in there somewhere.

Why has my hair suddenly decided to be curly? When did this happen? My hair has been poker-straight my entire life. In high school I would put it in hot rollers every damn day and would still be lucky to create a wave that lasted longer than the school bus ride. Now? That I decided to embrace the straight hair and got a haircut designed for super-sleek and straight hair? Curly. Wavy. Bendy. I'm not really sure. I do kind of like it, which means it's totally just a humidity fluke and will go away in a week.

How am I going to get my anniversary flowers home tonight? Should I buckle them in?

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Why hasn't Jason's anniversary gift arrived? How do I break it to him and not sound like I just waited too long? Because I totally did just wait too long.

How did I end up married to a man who wants to put George W. Bush stickers on my car?

What in the world am I going to wear in Miami?

What time is our flight?

Where are the tickets?

Who's looking after Max?

Jesus Christ, what kind of half-assed travelers are we?

How in the world can my doctor call me an obsessive-compulsive if this is the way I plan my vacations?

Jesus Christ, where ARE THE TICKETS???

Why do so many medications cause "drymouth?"  My tax dollars should be finding a cure for this.

Also "tremor." WTF LEG STOP WITH THE TREMORING.

Why did I eat that old cheese just now?

Comments

Heather

Why, indeed? Have a fabulous time in South Beach. Somehow the stars will align and all of the details will fall into place. But maybe, find your tickets first.

Hudson

Because cheese, even the aged kind, cures everything. I loave cheese. I don't actually loave a whole lot. But cheese? Yeah, it gets loave. Have a wonderful vacation!!

Oliquig

What pretty flowers!

Have a great time on you vaca, I'm sure you'll find the tickets.

Zoot

Happy Anniversary. Did you look in the freezer for you tickets? Oddly enough that's where I tend to find things I've misplaced.

bmh

Happy South Beach-versary! Anni-leg-tremor-y! Red-pen-steal-ary! Anni-curl-hair-y!

But shit, the tickets!! I totally forgot about those. Oh, and a passport! Good luck with your search. I'd help, but I'm SOL here.

Sue

Am also having the straight-hair-when-I-wanted-curly-now-I-want-staight-and-it-is-wavy-bendy blues. My sister "helpfully" informed me that "gray hair changes the texture". "Piss off bitch" was my delicate reply. But she knows I love her anyway!

HAve fun in FLA!

Kiraa

Happy Anniversary! Happy vacationing!

Lauren

Happy anniversary, Missy, and have a great time this weekend! You so deserve it.

type a

my super straight hair? laughs at curlers. you are lucky. i am jealous :)

samantha

there are anniversaries for real people and blogs all OVER the place this week. Happy anniversary! I hope ya'll have a lovely sweet romantical time.
and the curly hair? I've decided to just scrunch my hair up in a bun while partially dry instead of messing around with curlers. Muchly romantic, I think. Okay, I just don't have curlers. I've got a big ass curling iron, though.

Hilldery

Happy Anniversary!

I was missing a red pen earlier today. There is a red pen klepto somewhere in the building. At least I still have my pretty purple pen.

Beth

Yes! Seatbelts work for flowers, for some reason.

Very Mom

Q: Why do people who suddenly find themselves with curly hair hate it?

Q: Why would I give my two left feet for curly hair?

Q: Why, no matter what kind of perm-rod torture I put my hair through WILL IT NOT CURL? Ever?

Jason

Uhm. Hate to break it to you babe. You're a Republican too. Yeah. I said it. It is useless to resist. Accept your destiny. Join me, and together we will...Ok, got a little carried away there.

Amalah

Hello everyone. I have killed Jason now. Anyone have tips on good Republican cemetaries?

Chris

Happy Anniversary, Amy. Enjoy the trip. The red pens? Part of the vast right-wing conspiracy. Ask Jason ;-)

Kris

There is a great bush sticker out there for your car. It says Like father Like son, One term only. :)

And the knee bruise thing, if you figure that out, let me know, I have the ghostly knee breaking mouse leaving bruises all over my knees too. :)

Sweety

Happy anniversary!

Suzanna Danna

Enjoy your trip!
Take bunches and loads (loaves?) of pictures!

Roxie

Happy anniversary and vacation! Your man is quite a catch and that is definitely worth celebrating. Plus he is so damn lucky to have you, you pretty, witty thing!
You might check your dryer for the red pens. Maybe it's tired of socks! Plus it would be a bonus if the tickets were in there too (in pristine condition, of course)!

pettit

...that shit was too real and way too funny...i feel for ya girl, i feel for ya.
- hey?..who's red pen is this?

yogagirl

I think I love me some Amalah......

stacy

Are you on hormone treatments at all right now? Because after I started that business my very curly hair reconfigured itself into a fluffy, slightly wavy mass.
Either way, have a fabulous anniversary. You most definitely deserve it.

Sarcomical

That is the funniest TRUE representation of a hyper-active train of thought I've read!

Mindy

Um, I wasn't going to go there, but since Stacy did, move over!

My hair was spun gold silky straight confectionary goodness until I had these blasted babies. Hormones are useful, yet wicked things. As soon as I started having babies (or otherwise messing with the hormonal state of affairs), my hair grew darker, thicker, curlier, and REDDER. Waaaaahhh! There is a pic on my blog holding Dylan when he was less than a month old, and my hair is auburn, ferchrissakes.

Give me back my spun gold. Sniffle.

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