Mysteries of the Universe, Part One
August 06, 2004
In which Amalah confronts the questions of the ages...
What the hell am I banging and bruising my knee on repeatedly? Who is kicking me without my knowledge?
Where did all my red pens go? How do I keep buying and buying red pens and yet never have any?
Is it totally wrong to think the cleaning people are probably stealing my pens?
How can that really be how you spell "debilitating?" That doesn't look right. I feel like it needs an "h" in there somewhere.
Why has my hair suddenly decided to be curly? When did this happen? My hair has been poker-straight my entire life. In high school I would put it in hot rollers every damn day and would still be lucky to create a wave that lasted longer than the school bus ride. Now? That I decided to embrace the straight hair and got a haircut designed for super-sleek and straight hair? Curly. Wavy. Bendy. I'm not really sure. I do kind of like it, which means it's totally just a humidity fluke and will go away in a week.
How am I going to get my anniversary flowers home tonight? Should I buckle them in?
Why hasn't Jason's anniversary gift arrived? How do I break it to him and not sound like I just waited too long? Because I totally did just wait too long.
How did I end up married to a man who wants to put George W. Bush stickers on my car?
What in the world am I going to wear in Miami?
What time is our flight?
Where are the tickets?
Who's looking after Max?
Jesus Christ, what kind of half-assed travelers are we?
How in the world can my doctor call me an obsessive-compulsive if this is the way I plan my vacations?
Jesus Christ, where ARE THE TICKETS???
Why do so many medications cause "drymouth?" My tax dollars should be finding a cure for this.
Also "tremor." WTF LEG STOP WITH THE TREMORING.
Why did I eat that old cheese just now?