Wednesday Advice Smackdown
The Wrath of Con

The JournalCon Freak-Out Post

OH MY GOD. JOURNALCON IS TODAY. TODAY.

I SHOULD BE THERE NOW BUT AM GOING TO BE LATE BECAUSE I MUST WORK AND ALSO FREAK OUT A LITTLE.

ALSO CAPS LOCK.

Okay. Will try to calm down. Will just take a look at the things on my to-do list:

1. Get swag.
2. Get extra-special swag for extra-special people.
3. Let hotel know we are bringing a dog.
4. Get haircut.
5. Paint toenails.
6. Wax eyebrows.
7. Lose 5 pounds.
8. Buy booze.
9. Buy booze that I will not drink until JCon.
10. Buy cigarettes. For other people. Really.
11. Buy pepper spray in case any of y'all are The Crazies.
12. Grow long, healthy and beautiful fingernails.
13. Get prescriptions filled.
14. Pack.
15. Repack.
16. Pack for dog.
17. Repack for dog.
18. Heap love and praise and adoration on cat.
19. Be at hospitality suite at 6:30 p.m. to be nice to attendees.
20. Learn how to be nice.
21. Select entry(s) to read at the Invited Reading Panel For Invited Important People
22. Not obsess on the incorrectness of entry(s) because it should be entry(ies) but that isn't right either.
23. Practice reading entr(ies) in mirror.
24. Get new non-stupid-sounding voice.
25. Write the most brilliant and funny entry ever to read at panel.

So. I have gotten my hair cut today. I can cross that one off.

HOLY SHIT.

I have been reading through my archives and have come to the conclusion that all my entries? SUCK. Why didn't anyone TELL ME all my entries sucked? I really should have been made aware.

Please, for the loave of GOD: If anybody is reading this who is NOT driving/flying/unicycling to JCon right now? Pleeeeeaaase find me a good entry to read out loud. One with no pictures and hopefully some coherance. At least a little. Tell me your favorite entry and I will loave you and squeeze you and call you George and will totally send you some of the non-existent swag that I forgot to get made for JCon.

 

Comments

Lee

So does that mean if I actually like your entr(ies) that I suck? I didn't think so. Your various spellings of the plural form of "entry" have me very hungry now because I keep reading them as "entrees". Did I mention I haven't eaten a thing today? Oh yeah, favorite post??? Has to be one of your gradeschool-boyfriend posts. Hilarity. Drama. ...and you used the word "mortified" once or twice.

Katie

i'm a big fan of any of freakout posts, esp. the packing for florida one...and what's up aiken. really all the entries are HI-STYERICAL. Go forth & be funny!

Suzanna Danna

http://www.amalah.com/amalah/2003/12/this_guy_i_saw_.html
That one is good.
http://www.amalah.com/amalah/2004/01/me_vs_the_unive.html
That one too...
http://www.amalah.com/amalah/2004/02/fuck_you_mark_b.html
Love this one...
http://www.amalah.com/amalah/2004/03/amy_vs_the_depa.html
Hee!
Or you could do the many loves of Amalah (1, 2 & 3... http://www.amalah.com/amalah/2004/04/the_many_loves_.html)
Those are always cute.
Hope you guys have fun.
Miss me like velcro.

samantha

what if you read any post, but while DRUNK? I vote for that, just because it would be funny.

Have lots of fun!

Oliquig

My favorites are:

4-21-04 Amalah Makes Some Demands

5-28-04 What's Up Aiken?

6-25-04 The 2004 Amalah Awards

Hope that helps, have a great weekend!

Gary

I definitly vote for 4-21-04 Amalah Makes Some Demands

GranolaSpice

SOME of us aren't going to be there. *weep* SOME of us have to entertain our families instead. Silly, silly family. SOME of us? Will tell you that EVERY entry is brilliant if you save us swag. No really. Brill. Yant. *weep*

Broad

I'm a fan of the old boyfriend posts, myself.

bmh

Many love the Many Loves. Do it, you "brilliant and funny entry"(s/ies) writing freak.

(and I mean that in the best and most envious of ways)

Hudson

I like the April 29th entry where you try to make your self more accessible and not so "elitist" (Jason's words in the entry, not mine). It was mucho funny and I also still have an affinity for Mac n' Cheese and Spam.

Fraulein N

Another vote for the Many Loves of Amalah. Those are 137 kinds of funny.

Heather

Really, they are all quite entertaining. Off the top of my head I enjoyed the one where you and Jason were fancy and crashed at the Helix when your air conditioning was out. But, alas, it is late late late East coast time, and you are probably already at the hotel being fabulous.

andrea

my favs..
the st.patrick festival that you went to and the day long binge and adventures, all the ones about many loves, the advice columns, and the drunken packing before you went on your trip to florida for work. no worries everyone will love your entries.. you are the queen of everything afterall.

Mary

I will just be a total cheeseball fangirl and say I loave alllll of your entries...even the incoherent, picture-filled ones. I'm such a dweeb.

Oh yeah, and you? Don't suck. Sorry, I have the market cornered on suckiness. Also I am pea-green with envy that you are going to JournalCon. So there.

Scarlett Cyn

First, and most importantly... you hair looks good!

Now then.... you ARE THE SHIT,woman.. I loave it all. I"m sure they are even better when you have to read them.

Good luck baby!

PS: Max is SO gonna kick your cute ass when he realizes you took HER with you.

Coleen

Independent George loaves the simple alcoholic.

Suzy Smith

Amalah is the funny. She did a fantastic job during her reading, y'all.

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