The Wednesday Advice Smackdown
T.V. From The Fiery Depths of Hell

I Just Kept Typing Until There Were A Lot Of Words

AAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Hi! Hi hi!

Where you been, bitch?

I have had absolutely nothing to write about. Nothing interesting to say at ALL.

And now?

Still nothing. But I'm starting to get testy-sounding emails from people.

So that's why you're doing the thing where you talk to yourself again, right?

I'm not just talking to myself. I'm talking to my ITALICIZED self.

Oh, right. Completely different then.

gah-gah-gah2

Oh my god, oh my GOD, y'all. There was a tragedy at my house this weekend. A TRAGEDY.  Saturday night. My television like, blew up.

I turned it on and there was some scary white static and then a popping noise and then *poof*. No TV.

So now? I need to buy a new TV. And I have no money to buy a new TV. But I HAVE to buy a new TV, because of The Apprentice, people. The. APPRENTICE. 

My TiVo is recording and recording away in vain. I have no idea what it's recording and I'm frightened.

We cannot watch movies, we cannot play Playstation. We toyed with the idea of playing actual BOARD GAMES on Saturday night because we had nothing to do. I went to bed at 8:30 p.m. last night because I have no PURPOSE in LIFE anymore.

Oh, Amy?

Yes?

You know tomorrow night? Season premiere of Gilmore Girls.

JESUS CHRIST.

gah-gah-gah2

Attention All Dog People:

You must help me. Help! My puppy is teething. Her "big" and "ferocious" teeth are coming in, but her baby teeth are NOT FALLING OUT. They are freak-of-nature teeth that won't budge. In a few days she will have EIGHT fully-grown canines in her precious little mouth.

We have bought her rawhide bones, knots, braids, flips and rings (both regular AND condensed), rubber bones and Kongs and balls, dental bones, pig hooves and all sorts of assorted vague animal hides. She chews and chews and chews and still. The. Teeth. Won't. Budge.

What do I DO, oh all-knowing crazy dog people? Do I need to take her to the vet? Do I attach a string to a doorknob? Do I need to chill out?

gah-gah-gah2

(I am extremely desperate to think of things to talk about.)

(I'm sure you didn't notice, because the topic of my dog's teeth has you totally enthralled.)

I'm getting a new office! Yes! There's going to be some big internal office move for reasons that were explained to me but I really wasn't listening, because I was too busy scanning the floor plan for my name, lest I was getting moved to the supply closet.

Because really, I deserve to move to the supply closet. I mean, I'm totally brilliant and everything, but I haven't exactly been at the top of my editing game the last few months.  You may be totally shocked to hear this, but Amy has kind of been a little bit of a complete and utter wreck recently.

But apparently, my job has not noticed, because I, Amy, Managing Editor Who Is Barely Managing To Hang The Fuck On, am getting a window office.

A. Window. Office. Complete with my own personal temperature control. (And also a window!)

The temperature! Will be in MY control! Too cold? HEAT. To hot? Air! It'll be like magic!

I will also be able to see the weather, which is very exciting. And if I park my car on the roof of the parking garage? I can stare at it all day, because that's all my window will overlook.

But still. Am excited! Am important! Have completely fooled them all!

gah-gah-gah2

So what else did you do this weekend?

I went to a wine festival in Maryland and got drunk.

And no drunk post? You SUCK.

Well, it was kind of far away so I was sober by the time I got home.

Pfft.

Yeah, I know. Can you imagine me sending out a drunk Notify? That would have been hilarious.

Haaaaa. Yes.

"NEw entri bizzitchES that yoo shouldf read right now cuz am DRUNBK and hgaaaaaaaaaa."

See? Now I'm all mad at you for sobering up.

Am sorry. It won't happen again.

 

Notified Readers Know It Damn Well Won't Happen Again.

Comments

type a

an apple? apples always took my teeth straight the eff out! you'll be happy to know, however, that my sweet little asa has turned into the tasmanian devil for no apparent reason . . . .

Shiz

Here's to the new office with the window and to FOOLING THEM ALL!!!! Hahahahahaha!!!!

Good for you. Congratulations! I say you deserve it for going on in spite of the bad, bad crap.

Oh, and I posted a slightly edited version of our iChat about Ihar. It's in the comments under the Ihar post. I took out your ph# and work stuff, but tell me if anything else should come out!

Heather

Congrats on the window office. We moved office spaces about six months, and I lucked out with a window office. Good. Times. I, too, went to a wine thing this weekend and got drunk, and I, too, was sober shortly after getting back home. That kind of sucks.

Sarcomical

OH. MY. HECK. (Do you remember the Survivor girl that said that?)

When you said Gilmore Girls premiere I almost fell off my chair because you see I did not KNOW that. I did now KNOW that one of my most favorite things in life is happening and I did not KNOW. I am scared. Hold me.

I am sad about your tv. Very sad. Luckily, we have (counting in head...) 4 tv's in the house so if one blows up we have an alternate. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't watch my fall lineup. AHHH!

Also, I am too glad to hear Asa is being devil. Lucy is being farting demon. Et tu?

yogagirl

kippy had the same problem..he looked like a shark. his canines had to be pulled out or they never would have come out on his own. i actually waited too long and he's got a serious underbite now. he looks like a dork. but now he's only got 4 canines instead of 8 and they did it at the same time he got neutered. aren't you gonna have ceiba fixed? do it soon. it can mess up her mouth and you dont want your precious baby lookin' like she come from Alabama or somethin'.

Mel

Have been reading & lurking forever. Love or is it loave the site. Cieba's teeth are finally drawing me out of lurk mode. Call the vet the baby teeth will most likely need to be pulled. Just went through the same exact thing with one of my 4-legged children

Colby

About the dog chewin' thing? Personally I keep the dog toys to a limit. I want the pooch to know certain things are hers one at a time. If the dogs chews all the toys away and still chews? Take 'em away and beat the tar out of it. Kidding. About the toys. . .

Tjej

UH oh. Amy's gone schizo.. but we love her all the more for it ;)

Mir

You're not going to sell that kick-ass purse to get a new TV, are you? ARE YOU?? I mean, I know it's a difficult choice, but still.

Pratt

office with a window - way to go...but what will the view be of? I look out my office window and see:
1. squirrel fishing out leftover pizza from a trash can.
2. law student fishing out leftover squirrel.

suzanna danna

Teeth?... what? You have to pull dog teeth? Ring, Ring... Hello? Hi? Darwin? It's for you. Ok, sorry. Yeah, going to hell. I know.

But seriously, did NOT know that, and the big tall hubby... still wants the tiny little puppy, so I need... nay NEEED to know these things. Let me know when you find out.

Loave.

samantha

glad you're back. I refrained from sending you an email, I figured you were busy walking around with your pretty, pretty purse. ;)

bmh

GILMORE GIRLS!! AAAhhh! So excited. Luke and Lorelai? Luke and Laura?? Coincidence? I think not.

I'm sorry, did you say something else?

feisty girl

Oh my GOD. This is like a plutonium gold alert. You need a TV by tomorrow night. Credit must be obtained and used! Best Buy is your friend! Rory was not raised to be a home-wrecking whore, and yet she is!!!

Stu

You have to watch the series premiere of Gilmore Girls, I repeat, HAVE TO!

Why?

I'll tell you.

Because I am unable to. I now live on an army post with a bunch of guys who made very demeaning remarks directed at me when I mentioned the show.

So, that means you must watch and post what happens so I can be in the know, and not made fun of.

I don't like to beg, but I will if I have to.

Fraulein N

So sad about the dead TV. This is why you need an alternate. Or two or three. But yay for your new window office! Am jealous. And also a little bit smarter, because now I know that dog teeth come out. Hrm.

Serenity

I feel your pain about the exploding television. Mine didn't explode, it just had to go in storage while I lived with my apparent insane and dense brother for a year. No t.v. The man does not own a television! I made attempts to intervene because hey, this is family and we can't just sit back and watch our family deteriorate, sitting on the couch, staring at the walls!

My thing that nearly killed me was missing out not only on Gilmore Girls for an entire season but The Amazing Race. Didn't this half witted sibling realize that The AMAZING Race was on? Of course it's good, that's why they call it AMAZING.

I lost that battle and now my brother sits in a corner of the living room with drool escaping his mouth while reading...books! BOOKS for cripes sake while the AMAZING Race is going on.

I do now have a television in close proximity but I am still recovering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after that full year of no t.v. so, Queen A...do us all a favor and get a new t.v. or at the very least, go to the Best Buy and pretend to shop while those shows are on.

You'll thank me later.

Coleen

Man. 237 emails? Sometimes I feel like the Brad Garrett to your Ray Romano, kid. Looky all that loave!

Tell Jason I'm looking for some Vera Bradley pieces in the discontinued Jasmine print if he's still looking to buy pretty things on eBay. Also, shoes. I'm a size 9.

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