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August 2004
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October 2004

The Lazy Crazy

You knew this was coming, right? Come on now. I got myself a little notify action goin' on: email: So there's like, shit happening in mah life. Drama and whatnot. So the every day posting? Of a brilliant, long, hysterical, classic (and did I mention long?) entry? Every damn day? Are you kidding me? And since y'all yelled at me for taking a few days off around Labor Day, I'm scared to NOT post every day, lest you get all worried and call the blog authorities or something. So here. Join the little listy thing and I will email you... Read more →


Ouch.

(I meant to write a 9/11 entry. Maybe to tell you about how I was trapped in traffic on a bridge in D.C. when I saw the fireball at the Pentagon and felt like the world was coming to an end. Or maybe to tell you how I drove to work anyway because I didn't know what else to do, and how I watched another driver at a red light singing along to a CD, oblivious to the horror unfolding on the radio waves. Or maybe to tell you how my brother-in-law was on the subway when the planes hit,... Read more →


The Great Amalah Caper

So I remember what I was planning to write about yesterday, instead of writing that horrific train wreck of an entry that I posted instead. And I cannot BELIEVE I forgot about it. This is something that happened LAST Friday, and I'm horrified that I did not rush right on over to TypePad.com to spew righteous indignation all over the place. Suspicions that I am a total comment whore when it comes to sappy, lovey-type posts have been confirmed. Y'all, someone in Pensacola, Florida used my credit card to spend $1,900 at an Office Depot last week. Nine. Teen. Hun.... Read more →


Wickedly Bad & Awful

Or, The Laziest Post Ever So I had a topic I wanted to write about today. It was something important. I even wrote a few sentences in my head while I was brushing my teeth this morning and they were quite funny and very insightful. I was well on my way to winning a Diarist Award, I know it. But I have absolutely no frickin' idea what it was now. Life? Death? Dog poop? Why brie cheese with fig jam on French bread is probably the best food combination this side of peanut butter and chocolate? Nope. It's gone. So... Read more →


Self Interrogation

Hello? Amy? Are you here? Hi! Hi! Yes! Am here! Jesus Christ, girl. Where the hell have you been? Um. Around? Sleeping mostly. Sleeping around? Haaaaaaaa. That was funny. I am funny. Shut it. You could have posted something. You had the whole damn Internet worried. Sure I did. I also sent the stock market plunging and got the terror alert raised too, because I'm just that important. Whatever. You just liked leaving that last post up so you could get dozens and dozens of comments. True. I also like vanishing and being all mysterious so people will write me... Read more →


Love in a Time of Madness

My house is a mess right now. For real. I have not put clothes away for about two months. My suitcase from Miami is still sitting in the bedroom. My shoes sit in a pile that could double as a small child's fort. Today I noticed the cobwebs that coat the dining room chandelier have taken over the ceiling. The entire kitchen is sticky. I'm not even going to address the bathroom -- I'm tempted to just board it up and say "Bathroom? What bathroom? The McDonald's down the street has a nice one" when anyone asks to use it.... Read more →


Placebo

Dear Amalah, Greetings and salutations from Limbo! Having a great time, wish you were here! Wait, now I’m having a bad time. No, a good time! Wait, no! Haaaa! As you can tell, it’s a party every minute around here. That killjoy Lexapro is still hanging around and dude, I totally hate that guy. He’s such an asshole. There’s this new guy called Wellbutrin who just showed up – hasn’t really done or said anything yet so I don’t know what to make of him. I’ll keep you posted. Trileptal? Is such a slut. All the serotonins have had her... Read more →


The Wednesday Advice Smackdown

OR, A BREAK IN THE DRAMA, SORT OF Yes. I am here to give advice and to solve problems and finally tell you exactly how to get your damn life in order. Like mine! Because I am perfect and smart and totally together. (It's a new tradition at Amalah.com: Wednesday is now Opposite Day, where everything Amy says is completely the opposite of the truth. Sort of like lying, only let's not add THAT to her already impressive resume of compulsive behavior, okay?) Wednesday is also Busy Work Day, for I have done NOTHING for a week except file things.... Read more →