The Wednesday Advice Smackdown
Love in a Time of Madness


Dear Amalah,

Greetings and salutations from Limbo! Having a great time, wish you were here!

Wait, now I’m having a bad time.

No, a good time!

Wait, no!

Haaaa! As you can tell, it’s a party every minute around here. That killjoy Lexapro is still hanging around and dude, I totally hate that guy. He’s such an asshole.

There’s this new guy called Wellbutrin who just showed up – hasn’t really done or said anything yet so I don’t know what to make of him. I’ll keep you posted.

Trileptal? Is such a slut. All the serotonins have had her by now. We’re all just totally ignoring her but she keeps showing up.

And holy shit, Risperdal? Hard core. Just showed up and trashed the place in 20 minutes flat. We all did shots of Jager with that guy and blacked out. Felt like SHIT the next morning though, oh my GAWD.

So be careful with that one, dude. For real.

Anyway, things should settle down in about eight to 10 days, and hopefully we’ll be seeing our old friends Full Effects in three to four weeks. In the meantime, don't count on anything you're feeling or thinking, because I am OUT TO LUNCH. Like, completely. VACATION IN LIMBO, BABY!

Well, I’m pretty tired now, so I’m going to have one last little mood swing at the hotel bar and then go to sleep right around the time you’re trying to drive home from work. This is fun!


Your Brain

P.S. The airline lost my luggage. Fuckers.


Scarlett Cyn

You are too freaking brilliant. Even high on a multitude of happy "we'll-work-when-we-damn-well-FEEL-LIKE-IT-Bitch!!" Pills.

I love me some Amy. Yup, I surely DO!!!! Smoochy for Amy.

Fucking airline. They always pull that shit, don't they??? Asswipes.


Dear Amalah's Brain:

You're still missing out on some fun if Celexa hasn't shown up yet. Talk about flying high? You'll love him, I promise. He's only good to have around for so long, though...b/c the crash and burn w/ him will nearly kill you. As long as you keep the others around, though...I should think you'll be just fine and never know the difference.

Junkie's brain

type a

can i bring dayquil and midol over to play?

feisty girl

Because that's what you needed. No clean underwear. PLEASE tell me that you had your meds in your carry-on?!?


Will you be my Pretend Internet Celebrity Girlfriend? I'll send Pretend Internet Flowers and buy you Pretend Internet Presents! And I won't get mad if you leave the top off the Pretend Internet Toothpaste or forget my Pretend Internet Birthday! Think about it. ;-)

your adoring handmaiden now and forever

Oh my queen, you are so fucking brilliant. And, shall I empty out the bathroom cabinet then to make room for the new meds?

suzanna danna

I have some Zonegran, wanna share?


You are damn funny, girl, even in pain.

Here's to the FULL EFFECTS coming asap.


You know what Independent George would have to say here, don't you?


I hope that your meds start doing their damn job soon.


How about a little Soma to ease your landing? Or perhaps some Darvocet to make you not give a shit that you no longer have any luggage to speak of? Good, good times.


Dear Amalah's Brain,

I have to tell you that I've partied with Paxil, Zoloft, and Prozac before. Lexapro wanted to chill but the doorman had to turn him away since the place was at max capacity. All those guys know how to party but do you know who taught them how? Those old schoolers Xanax and Percocet. I saw those dudes put an ass whooping on Aleve too.


Risperdal!?!? Wow. That's some shit, dude. I think -- no, actually, I know -- my baby brother's docs had him on that for awhile to get rid of the voices in his head. Of course, he was a major Club Drug Kid, so circumstances are different, but ...

I'd recommend Effexor, but you already kicked him out for being a bastard. And I WOULD tell you to invite MY new friends -- Xanies and Yellowtail Shiraz -- but they're whores, too, and you don't need any more whores up in there.

Anne A.

That was the best. Ever.


I'm sorry, but I just realized that all drugs have names like they're Lord of the Rings characters. Following that logic, your bags are probably in Middle Earth somewhere. I'll have Frodo fetch them for you right away.


Heh. Lexapro's been a peach to me. An absolute doll. We're going to get married. Oh, wait. I'm already married. Well anyway, I hope you find a less whore-ish friend to play with. They will just pull you down into their web of evil. I hope the new friends are nice, clean, innocent gals who take you to the The Cheesecake Factory and shop at Gap and rent scary movies you can all watch together while eating popcorn.


I think the names sound more like they're from the Matrix than from Lord of the Rings, personally :)


Divalproex wants a play date. Or should I just send him straight to the liver?
Keep your head up, sooner or later there will be a solution. Believe me, I know.


Brains need help sometimes. That's just a fact of life. Help can come in many forms - embrace them all.

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