Of Poop & Puppies
Wednesday Advice Smackdown


I met my friend Andie at my first job out of college. The job sucked. Our three-martini-lunches-on-Fridays did not.

We both left the Job Of Suck within two weeks of each other, and have been best friends ever since. Actually more like sisters. Sisters who are alcoholics and can rationalize ANY clothing purchase for the other in minutes.

Andie: Well, I like this skirt, but I just bought that other skirt, plus the shoes, so I probably shouldn't buy this one too.

Amy: But that skirt GOES with the new shoes. That skirt will go with EVERYTHING.

Andie: Really? Even though it's a shade of red I've never actually seen before?

Amy: Yes, and also I'm buying this Hello Kitty underwear and you need to wait in line with me. Then we shall go drink some more.

Andie: Okay then, I'll get the skirt. And maybe that belt too.

This is Andie.


(I am so sorry, baby, but you know I had to post this picture. I mean, COME ON.)

(Andie has a special ringtone on my cellphone. It's "Get Ur Freak On" because we always sing "Get Ur Drink On" on our way to happy hour. Yep. We do.)

Andie got married this weekend. Jim makes her very happy, which makes me very happy.


I was the maid of honor. (Andie said matron of honor, because there was another girl who was technically the unmarried maid of honor, but I said fuck that, we're both maids because I am not ancient.)


I got my dress for $50 on eBay. I know! I suck.


(Christ. Narcissistic much? You will notice there are zero pictures of Jason. Zero. He was there, I swear.)

Img_1254  Img_1268

It was a gorgeous wedding and gorgeous weather and Andie looked gorgeous in the dress I was with her when she bought that made me cry when she tried it on. It was the one time she didn't need my help in rationalizing the purchase.


Okay, so this one time Andie and I went to the wedding of a mutual friend from the Job Of Suck together. We drank just a wee bit too much. And by "wee bit" I mean we were completely trashed before the salads were brought out.

Anyway, the waiters stole our cake when we put them down to go pee. We wanted cake. We also wanted to get the attention of this one groomsman who Andie went on a date with and then didn't call her. Or maybe she didn't call him. Either way, it seemed monumentally important at the time. And getting his attention by pretending to be lesbians also seemed like a good idea at the time. We smushed together in this big armchair and proceeded to feed each other bites of cake that we cut from a hunk of cake that was sitting on a table next to us.

We got the groomsman's attention. He came right over to inform us that we were eating the top layer of the wedding cake. The top layer that the bride and groom wanted to save for their one-year anniversary.

Um, d'oh?

So what's worse than eating the top layer of the wedding cake? Well, not much, but eating the bride's cake right off her plate while she's mingling comes in pretty damn close I would say.


(I knew she wouldn't care, but LORD, you should have SEEN the looks I got from nearby tables.)

Doesn't my hair look pretty? We all went to a salon that morning to get our hair done, but it was kind of scary. It was in TinyPodunkville, Pennsylvania and the salon's actual location had been flooded. So we were in a makeshift salon in some house. There was a bathroom, but no sink, so you had to wash your hands in the one shampoo tub.

They also had no hot rollers. NO. HOT. ROLLERS. So you know how they curled my hair? They sprayed it with hairspray and then curled it with a curling iron and then sprayed it again.


People, do you KNOW how bad that is for your hair? Your hair SMOKES when you do that.  Please, for the love of God, don't ever do that to your poor hair.

Luckily, there was no teasing of my hair, because I proclaimed that there would be no teasing. Amy's hair + teasing = rat's nest + scissors - Amy's hair = Amy crying.

But it was all worth it, I think, because my hair was curly and lovely and did. Not. Move. All. Day.


It even stayed put during the White Girl Dancing.

It even looks pretty good in this picture, which I only have a vague memory of taking. (Although I definitely remember the Burger King. Oh my God, that was so good.)


Anyway. Congratulations to Andie and Jim. Love you both. Here's to years and years of happiness and lots of dinner parties disintegrating into drunken chaos.





Awww, y'all are pretty! Happy day!


I know you don't like people making a fuss over you and showering you with compliments (hee) but Amy? Pretty pretty! And 50 bucks for that dress? Awesome!

bond girl

What a gorgeous background in those outdoor photos. It's very nearly as pretty as you, Princess of Pretty, who is the prettiest.


awwww..you made me cry. thank you sweetie!!! btw.. jason is in the first drunken picture of me. you have to look carefully.. he's in the back carrying a bag of wine.. naturally.
and that guy.. total loser. invited me to go rockclimbing with him during the day and on a wednesday.. then got pissed at me when i said i had to work. seriously.. some sketchy ones out there and i believe i've met quite a few as amalah can attest to.
fortunately.. i found a good one :):):) and am **so** happy!!! i have a fabulous hubby and some trully incredible friends.. ie amalah!! i am so blessed.

thank you amy for being you fabulous self!!


Love the new look.

Also, BEAUTIFUL pictures. We do not care what Jason looked like. We want to see more of pretty pretty Amy in her pretty pretty dress!


You look so very pretty in your $50 dress! I may also add that I am bitter, as my bridesmaid dress for my best friend's upcoming wedding is $300. 3. 0. 0. Sooo not okay.


That looks like it was a gorgeous wedding! Much congrats to your friend. I am usually not very big on wedding gowns but I LOVED hers - it was so classy. Also I loved your intricate hairdo. Pret-TY!


Pretty ladies! You both look simply gorgeous. The curling iron after hairspray, ehhgads..

Congrats Andie and Jim!


I have to say that Andie (and you too, of course) has excellent taste. Same maids' dresses and flower colors as in my wedding. :)

Pretty pretty people, and it's good to see you having fun.



You look like a Princess in that dress, Amy. The Princess of HOTT.

Andie, you looked okay, too. (grin)

Glad to see you had a great time!

Fraulein N

That's definitely a princess dress. Andie's got good taste. You all look glam.


Ditto with the pretty. That dress and the color of it is so flattering on you.

Sorry to hear about Ceiba!

type a

so, i'll see you in rehab then? we can be roommates and steal the top tier of jello molds.


I just came across your blog and have to say that it's really entertaining! I like all the pictures in this post and the commentary. The ebay dress is divine. The drunken chaos part was even better!


Wow. Pretty, pretty dress (and $50?! I am so jealous.) congrats to your friend Andie, and yeah for you being such an good Maid-not-Matron of Honor (there can never be too many maids of honor!) You were saving her cake from going to waste.


You are the Queen of Hotness in those pics. The dress looks absolutely stunning on you. Or, it could be that you make the dress look stunning, you pretty, pretty lady.


What beautiful photos -- looks like it was a fabulous wedding!


I just discovered your blog a few days ago after discovering your hubbie's great dcfoodies site (I am also obsessed w/ finding great restaurants in DC). You two are so cute! And I love your writing style & sense of humor...I've been laughing my ass off reading the archives! Plus I can relate to the name...I used to be called "Nomalah" by a relative. Gotta love those crazy relatives! Keep up the great posts...very entertaining!


Oops! Forgot to click the "remember me" button...I want to be special! Plus also wanted to say fun wedding pics! The joys of being a MAID of honor. I'm so jealous of the e-bay dress...wish i had known that before being in 3 weddings!


too many good things in one email. what are you trying to do? Cause massive widespread internet ENVY?


Those are the prettiest bridesmaids dresses I've ever seen! They are so simple, but elegant, and really ARE the type of thing you could maybe wear again. And the weather looked beautiful too. Great pics.


She (and her dress) were beautiful, and you're looking pretty as ever in your fabulous $50 dress. I am fixing to make someone else on e-bay very happy by giving them a good deal like that...$50 for the $200 dress I wore in Zoot's wedding. :(

Gerry Monaghan

Hi I got to this site through the Snarky Comment website, where I laughed my face off. I think your work is delightful. Thanks. G

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