Wickedly Bad & Awful
September 09, 2004
Or, The Laziest Post Ever
So I had a topic I wanted to write about today. It was something important. I even wrote a few sentences in my head while I was brushing my teeth this morning and they were quite funny and very insightful. I was well on my way to winning a Diarist Award, I know it.
But I have absolutely no frickin' idea what it was now. Life? Death? Dog poop? Why brie cheese with fig jam on French bread is probably the best food combination this side of peanut butter and chocolate?
Nope. It's gone.
So instead? Some random crap, interspersed with selections from an IM conversation I had last night with Mir, because I've already had the conversation, which means way less work and typing now.
And If An Entry Full Of IM Nonsense Wasn't Bad Enough, Here's Some IM Nonsense That Won't Make A Lick Of Sense To Anyone Who Has Not Read The Book WICKED:
Amalah: just read your comment...I didn't give up on Wicked, I finished it
Amalah: Just thought the story kind of fell about after she went to the Vinkus
Mir: I read it years ago, so I'm fuzzy on details... but I do remember thinking it kinda dropped.
Amalah: And I sooooo could have done without the Star Warsian "The Wizard is your FAAATTHHHER!" thing. At that point? Literally chucked the book across the room.
Amalah: But the first half? Amazing. Loved it.
Mir: me too
Mir: I'm glad you finished it...sorry it was disappointing.
Amalah: want to rewrite the ending for him
Amalah: i was just a little letdown. like I wanted the ruby slippers to have more significance…some cool witchy magic power thing, not because the Witch’s daddy never loved her and wah wah wah
Mir: heh yeah I know what you mean
Mir: Now I kinda want to read it again, but I know it's just going to piss me off.
Amalah: I'm still interested in seeing the musical in NY though...I heard they rewrote the second half of the book to the point of being unrecognizable
Mir: Oooh, I wonder what they did.
Amalah: Plus it's got Joey McIntyre from New Kids on the Block as Fiyero! My hearthrob!
Mir: But, um, I dug "Into the Woods" so I'm guessing I would like it.
Amalah: I heard that they cut out Liir and kept Glinda in it more
Mir: I wonder if that pissed off the author.
Amalah: less time at the castle debating the nature of good and evil endlessly and such
Amalah: The author needs to shut up and praise the Unnamed God for every royalty check he gets
My next-door neighbor was induced at 7 a.m. this morning. This is her second baby. Jason and I started trying to get pregnant right around the time the first baby was born.
To say that I am jealous, bitter, resentful, unhappy, petulant, angry, bratty, selfish, hurt and sullen about this would...well, that would probably be about right.
Basically, green with envy. Like the Wicked Witch!
Mir: I need to write something people will pay for. I could get used to royalty checks.
Amalah: Yes, or write a musical that can charge $100 a seat to see a New Kid try to sing.
Mir: That's genius. I don't know that I can aim so high.
Amalah: You are going to be a VP though!
Amalah: Your readers BELIEVE in you!
Mir: Oh yes! I left a very lovely, earnest, and not at all stalkerish message for my contact at Big Company today.
Mir: "Remember me? I'm just checking in! Hoping to hear from you soon! I love Big Company with all my heart!"
Mir: *cue music appropriate for the selling of one's soul*
Amalah: Hmm...definitely should be a NKOTB song
Amalah: Step by step, ooh baby, gonna get a job in your wor-or-ld
Amalah: (please do not judge me for still knowing New Kids lyrics)
Amalah: (I was a very lonely child)
Mir: You poor dear!
Amalah: I wrote them stern letters after they used the word "hell" in one of their songs.
Mir: Did you really???
Amalah: in sixth grade.
Mir: Oh my.
Amalah: I felt it was too risqué.
Mir: In your middle school yearbook, do you have big bangs and look very earnest?
Mir: hee that's a very amusing mental image.
Amalah: I? Was Not Cool.
Amalah: I took Not Cool to new and frightening levels.
Mir: But look at you now! So cool!
Amalah: ‘bout effing time, really.
Mir: You worked hard for it, clearly.
Haiku Smackdown IIIVVVXXMMM: The Death of Smackdown
Yeah, so the Thursday Haiku Smackdown seems to have died. After one too many Wednesday nights of going "Oh SHIT" and throwing some pictures together, only to have participation and ku quality drop more and more each week, only to be so UNBELIEVABLY BORED OF THE ENTIRE CONCEPT, everyone here at Smackdown Grand Central all kind of stopped caring.
I'm sorry to disappoint the, oh, four of you who still care. Maybe we'll make it a monthly thing. The First Thursday of the Month Haiku Smackdown? The Second Tuesday of Months Ending in "R" Haiku Smackdown? Well. We'll see.
Wait! I know! We'll get Cousin Oliver to haiku! Maybe two 'kuers could get married! We could do a special edition from Hawaii! Or maybe a Very Special Smackdown where we all write anti-drug and alcohol 'ku.
Or we could all just move on with our lives and write sonnets, or something.
And Speaking Of Cousins:
Mir: By the way? I am watching The Miracle Worked on ABC Family and that's enough to make anyone feel better about their sucky life. At least I can see (sort of) and hear!
Amalah: WAAAAAA TAAAA!
Mir: It hasn't gotten to that part yet
Amalah: Is it the old one? With what's her name? Patty Duke?
Mir: Is that who it is? I have no idea.
Mir: I think it's a slightly newer one.
Amalah: Patty Duke had that sitcom...where she played herself and her identical cousin
Amalah: i also watched a lot of Nick at Night as a teenager
Amalah: Identical Cooooousins
Amalah: or something
Amalah: that was the theme song
Mir: Identical. Cousins.
Mir: Brain. Hurts.
Amalah: I know you're totally singing it now
Mir: Nope, never heard of it!
Amalah: I think it was a post-Parent Trap thing
Amalah: IMDB! Prove that I am not hallucinating!
Mir: Well you're a bit younger than me on account of I am old and decrepit, so maybe I missed it somehow.
Amalah: its a fairly old show...70's I think
Mir: If you were watching Nick at Night in high school, I would've been in college and without a TV.
Amalah: Not crazy! Look! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0056778/
Amalah: Patty and Cathy. Identical cousins. Yes.
Mir: That's just wrong on so many levels.
Amalah: ah know
Amalah: was horrible
I just realized that my best friend's wedding, the wedding that I am in, is about two weeks away. I do not have shoes. I was going to order shoes online about a month ago, but decided to check out Nordstrom Rack before I bought anything because they'd probably have something similar. I have not been to Nordstrom Rack and now I cannot remember what site had the shoes I wanted, or even what those shoes looked like.
And I also think I MAY or MAY NOT have heard Ceiba chewing on something that MAY or MAY NOT have been a beaded strap of my bridesmaid dress, which is still in a heap on my closet floor, waiting to be dry cleaned/pressed/steamed or whatever. And now I cannot bear to look at the dress in case the strap is ruined. I shall instead just ignore it and hopefully it has enough time to become sentient and repair itself like something from Star Trek.
And maybe Glinda the Good Witch shall arrive in a big pink bubble with some shoes. Yes.
Mir: That's the version I'm watching.
Amalah: GAH! Its that little girl from the Pepsi commercials!
Mir: "Starring Alison Elliot as Anne Sullivan! And she was never heard from again."
Mir: Yes, that's her.
Amalah: She creeps me out.
Amalah: That is one star-studded cast!
Mir: She's actually good in this. I mean, for a little kid, she does a great job.
Mir: She got creepy later.
Amalah: Twila Provencher! Eugene Lipinski!
Mir: All my favorites!
Amalah: DAMIR ANDREI!
Amalah: Hee. I am so funny sometimes.
Yeah, I know.
That was like, the most weak-ass entry ever.
Look, I KNOW, okay? I really had a good idea this morning and have spent all day trying to remember it, but I'm giving up. This was better than NOTHING, right?
That's...debatable. Much like the future of the Haiku Smackdown.
Oh my God.
I totally just remembered what it was that I was going to write about.
Well, for one thing, it did not involve me talking to myself in this stupid little way.
That's a start. Anything else?
Shit. I just forgot again.
Stupidest. Girl. Ever.
If I only had a brain!
Oh my God. Shut up. SHUT UP!