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September 2004
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November 2004


A Big Author is coming to the office today, and I must pretend to be a Real Editor. Who can like, write and shit. Also spell. And I must do all of this with a throat that is all but swollen shut for some reason. But I'm wearing my lucky Pink shirt, complete with Jason's cufflinks, because they cost more than mine. I shall be brilliant and together and financially savvy and I won't get the S&P 500 mixed up with the Dow Jones Industrial Average. Again. But all this professionalismissitude means that I won't be around today to write... Read more →

Advice Smackdown, Part II

Yeah. So, sorry about the abruptly truncated Advice Smackdown yesterday. Me, Last Tuesday: Wah! Send me questions! Now! Y’all: Ok! Ok! Y’all: *send dozens of excellent questions* Me, Last Two Wednesdays: Meh! Never mind! First, there was work. Then? There was a burned-out light bulb in my sensual office mood lighting. Then? A headache from the vile scorching ceiling lights I had to use instead. After work? There was my rock star food critic husband who wanted to go out for dinner to a new place. Then? There was wine. And then Lost. And then baseball! You see? There was... Read more →

Real & Actual Wednesday Advice Smackdown

Oh my god. The Wednesday Advice Smackdown is actually happenings on a Wednesday, and in true Smackdown format. Is miracle. You may remember the drill (but I don't blame you if you don't, since I have been a huge ass slacker about this for weeks). Questions will get posted throughout the day, all day, as I have slack-off time from work, which really means whenever I decide to cut-and-paste a question from the document that I wrote last night, from home, on my own free time, because I am a good worker who does not slack. In other news, I... Read more →

This Is Not An Entry About Ashlee Simpson

Bah. I tried to write an entry yesterday. I really, really did. I wrote a lot of sentences but they were stupid. And they were all about Ashlee Simpson. ASHLEE SIMPSON Y'ALL. I am obsessed with her. The lip-synching! The hoe-down! The scandal! The acid reflux! It's the best story ever, because I have nothing better to do than to take sick pleasure in watching a 20-year-old pop product implode. Schadenfreude, table for one. (I totally just looked that up in the dictionary. Again, I really need a better hobby.) So I didn't post anything yesterday, because I didn't want... Read more →

Complaints & Advice & Such

I'm still alive. I'm sure you're all relieved. Seriously, I will be the first to admit that I am the BIGGEST baby about being sick. I'm a nightmare. I expect the entire world to stop spinning until I feel better. And the entire world needs to bring me tea and sympathy and soup. So when I'm feeling shitty and I have to go to work? Holy hell, that's just tragic. And yes, I know October is not flu season. Shut it. I know the damn flu when I get it. I don't need no stinking CALENDAR dictating my diagnosis, thank... Read more →

Catch the Fever

killllllllllllllllmeeeeeenooooooowwww. So yesterday I got this email from my mom: After a few great weeks, we are back to the rollercoaster health again. Dad is having a biopsy on 11/10. (Five days before his 75th!!!!! B/day). Dr. Miller, bless him, found a growth on the inside of Dad's lower lip. He is starting on a diabetes med. This is all pretty upsetting but we will get through it as we have with everything else. So for right now he has a catscan coming up of the aortic artery (checkup). Thyroid ultrasound in Nov. We need a secretary to keep track... Read more →

I Hate Tuesdays

Um. So I kind of lost all the emails I had in my Wednesday Advice Smackdown queue. How? I do not know. But the folder is empty. (So I guess I didn’t “kind of” lose anything. I just flat-out lost them.) Somehow I have managed to completely screw up Gmail, the most user-friendly and idiot-proof email interface out there, and delete and entire label’s worth of emails. And then I went a step further and deleted them forever. Gmail users will understand how difficult this is, and have now lost all respect for my technical skills, and will probably send... Read more →

The Unbearable Lameness

So have you ever been at a stop sign, stopped behind a line of cars all waiting to make a right turn onto a busy street? And you don’t really pay attention to the cars in front of you? But you just keep staring to the left to watch for spaces to turn? And you see a space and just kind of assume the car in front of you took it, because it was a HUGE FUCKING SPACE? And then have you ever inched up a bit to see to the left a little better, only to rear-end the car... Read more →

I Should Be Fired For This Post

Bah! Gah! Wah! And also Rah! Or something. Sorry for the silence, peeps. Was at the Big Kids' Table yesterday doing Big Kid stuff like business planning for 2005 and brainstorming and syngergizing proactive opportunities with unilateral deliverables. It was very long. Lunch was a highlight, except for when I caved to peer pressure and ordered the "seasonal fruit and berries" for dessert instead of the cheesecake that I really wanted. Because I am 17 years old, apparently, and want to be the daintiest little eater at the Twelve Oaks barbeque ever so I can catch a beau. Bah. Again.... Read more →