Bah! Gah! Wah! And also Rah! Or something.
Sorry for the silence, peeps. Was at the Big Kids' Table yesterday doing Big Kid stuff like business planning for 2005 and brainstorming and syngergizing proactive opportunities with unilateral deliverables. It was very long. Lunch was a highlight, except for when I caved to peer pressure and ordered the "seasonal fruit and berries" for dessert instead of the cheesecake that I really wanted. Because I am 17 years old, apparently, and want to be the daintiest little eater at the Twelve Oaks barbeque ever so I can catch a beau.
Amy, if you're really so busy, how in the world did you find time to write this big whole thing earlier?
Because it's The Apprentice, jackass.
And The Apprentice is more important than your beloved readers of your journal?
That? Is the stupidest question ever. OF COURSE IT IS. IT'S THE DONALD.
Anyway. Here's Last Night's Apprentice In Fifteen Minutes As Told By Amy:
Sooooo, okay. The show is obviously trying to help the women stop with the constant losing and sucking, because the task is to design a line of women's clothing and sell it to buyers of high end department stores and such.
Maria is the PM for the women, and they choose a guy designer to work with who is all, "One word: Capelets." Ew. But the designer works really hard and basically does all the work for them. The women have decided that Elizabeth is the One They All Hate Now For Unclear Reasons and keep sending her off to do bullshit stuff away from the rest of the group and completely bash every word that comes out of her mouth. Blah. I hate them all so much.
Pretty John is the PM for the men, and they choose this really weird woman designer who works really, really slowly and is no help at all. Kelly the Army Guy shocks them all by actually knowing a thing or two about clothing and designs an entire outfit while the designer is off...somewhere else. In the bathroom or something.
(Diana broke in at this point: Amy! You forgot to tell Martha the bestest part! When Kelly shocked us all by designing that outfit, the guy from the restaurant task (Chris?) said: "Wow, is he wearing pink camouflage underwears?")
The teams are supposed to use models from Trump's agency for their little fashion show and the men are all: "Women! Drool! Pfjoajdl!" Especially Raj, who keeps asking them for their phone numbers, for he is a Tool. The women don't even meet the models because they know they might look like trolls on camera next to them. Their designer does even more work for them while they bitch about how much they hate Elizabeth. Shut up, Wee Stacy.
The day of the fashion show, John decides to leave all the decisions about pricing the clothes, which is pretty much the most important part of this task, to Wes and Kevin. Why does he do this? Because he wants to go watch the models get dressed before the show. For real. Wes and Kevin have no fucking idea what they're doing and the designer is again, No Help At All.
All the clothes are fugly. Both teams design capelets and the women's stuff is boring and the men's stuff is bizarrely haute couture and involves plaid knicker shorts...or something.
In the end, the men get TROUNCED. $7,000 to $22,000, because their clothes were priced way too high. So the women win, but I would like to clarify that they still all suck. They get to go to some "celebrity-studded party," which looks really boring, actually, and the only "celebrity" there is Lil' Kim, who is the Scariest Plastic Surgery Science Experiment Gone Wrong Ever. Holy crap. That woman ain't right.
And instead of taking the two people in charge of pricing (who are both strong players) John is advised by Kelly to take Andy, because he's the scapegoat-easy-target du jour.
So John takes Kevin and Andy to the boardroom. Trump jumps all over him for 1) Not being involved with pricing, 2) Picking a useless fugly designer, 3) Every other task-related decision he made, and 4)bringing Andy instead of Wes. Kevin is all disgusted at John and tells Trump that while he understands he's there because he did make a mistake, Andy has no business being there and John is a wuss. John is fired. Bye bye, John. You were pretty, but also useless.
So is Kelly some sort of mastermind? Did he know that Trump would punish John for bringing Andy? Is he devilishly brilliant? Is he, in fact, wearing pink camouflage underwears?
Also, I am in love with Kevin, by the way, who answers the TrumpPhone at the beginning of the ep in just his boxers, and dayum. Boy is built.