The Unbearable Lameness
October 18, 2004
So have you ever been at a stop sign, stopped behind a line of cars all waiting to make a right turn onto a busy street? And you don’t really pay attention to the cars in front of you? But you just keep staring to the left to watch for spaces to turn? And you see a space and just kind of assume the car in front of you took it, because it was a HUGE FUCKING SPACE?
And then have you ever inched up a bit to see to the left a little better, only to rear-end the car that did not take the huge gaping space, but is still at the stop sign?
Yeah, me neither.
I also lie a lot.
Now of course, one really can’t do much damage while rolling forward at three miles per hour, but one can make a sickening THUMP sound, panic, start reversing until the frantic car behind you is all HONK STOP I’M HERE TOO BITCH HONK.
Her car was fine, so was mine. I may have added a wee nick in her bumper, but she had a city bumper already so there was no way to tell. (A city bumper. You know, if you have to parallel park all the time so your bumper looks like you shave it with a dull Gillette every morning.)
No exchanging of info was necessary, I apologized profusely and she looked at me and shrugged and was all, “Yeah, so? Bitch.”
A lovely way to start the morning.
But how was my weekend? Was it any better? Well, if we’re simply going for whether or not I did anything as boneheadedly stupid as vehicular homicide at a stop sign, then yes. It was better.
We had dinner with some friends, saw Team America: World Police (verdict: while not as mind-blowingly hilarious as the South Park movie, puppet sex and puppet vomiting are way funnier than they have any right to be), and bought Ceiba some winter clothes.
Yes, that is correct. I bought my dog some clothes. I ask you, is there anything in the world that screams “HELLO MY WOMB IS COLD AND BARREN” louder than this?
I didn’t think so.
That’s Ceiba modeling her pretty new quilted winter coat with a fleece lining. I also got her a red thermal hoodie sweatshirt. (It has a HOOD. For a DOG.) And I also very possibly bought her a red cape fleece thing with a fluffy collar because another couple was trying it on their dog at the store and it looked so damn cute.
I am so lame. Lame!
I also took some naked dog pictures. Please don’t report me to the authorities.