Complaints & Advice & Such
Real & Actual Wednesday Advice Smackdown

This Is Not An Entry About Ashlee Simpson

Bah. I tried to write an entry yesterday. I really, really did. I wrote a lot of sentences but they were stupid. And they were all about Ashlee Simpson.

ASHLEE SIMPSON Y'ALL.

I am obsessed with her. The lip-synching! The hoe-down! The scandal! The acid reflux! It's the best story ever, because I have nothing better to do than to take sick pleasure in watching a 20-year-old pop product implode. Schadenfreude, table for one. (I totally just looked that up in the dictionary. Again, I really need a better hobby.)

So I didn't post anything yesterday, because I didn't want an entry about Ashlee Simpson. Entries about Ashlee Simpson do not win you Diarist Awards. Entries about Ashlee Simpson do not convince your father that blogging is a viable path to a professional writing career. Entries about Ashlee Simpson are dated and passe three minutes after you hit "Publish."

So this is not an entry about Ashlee Simpson. Instead? Pictures! With funny captions! Which is only slightly less lazy!

Img_1432_1

Hi, I'm Ceiba. Saaaay-bah. I enjoy eating cat poop and used tissues. I do not enjoy wearing this stupid hoodie. It is a tad gangsta for my taste. I have recently learned that the outside is a big, big toilet. I also know how to sit and lie down, but only if I can tell that you are holding a treat for me. Am smart. Cat poop is yummy.

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I also fart and then look at Mom like, "What did you DO?" See? Smart.

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Hi, I'm Max. I am heart-breakingly gorgeous. Am I not gorgeous? And adorably cross-eyed? I enjoy sleeping, shedding and InStyle Magazine. I would also like you to serve me that dog on toast with maybe some mayonnaise. I love mayonnaise.

Img_1458

Hi, I'm Amy's hair. I don't know why she put me in a French braid. French braids are stupid and I haven't been in a French braid since Amy was in middle school and went through that unfortunate wearing-a-French-braid-every-damn-day phase. I would also appreciate it if Amy would stop letting that damn dog chew on me. I also love mayonnaise.

The_purse_1

Hi, I'm Amy's purse. I am beautiful. I am cranberry, pink and grey. I would like a matching scarf and maybe a jaunty hat. Amy will buy yarn or perhaps wish list items for anyone who will make me one. Because I own that bitch.

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Hi, I'm Amy's flower pin. I am whimsical.

Comments

Pratt

arrgh..I mentioned Ashlee yesterday..and do goofy photos with captions.Oh the blogger shame. Excuse me while I go jump out a window.

Shelly

I really like the purse. and the cat. But not enough to make either one a hat or a scarf. Sorry!

Shelly

Oh and I think Ashlee Simpson sucks too!!

Oliquig

If i could knit I would make you a hat and scarf, alas I don't, so instead I will join in the mockage of Asslee (TM Twop). Befond all the non-singing due to indigestion, what is is up with the weird hoppy dancing she always does?

type a

hello. i am type a's calloused fingers. i will crochet scarf for amy's purse.

Oliquig

Since boefond is not a word, I will make a correction and go with besides.

Minarae

Oh my goodness, Ceiba in the hoodie=TOO MUCH CUTENESS!! Am now stuck in permanent "Awwwwww" mode.

bmh

As fierce as a Ceiba toothed-tigah in the hoodie. Watch out 8 Mile (of cat poop).

Heather

Ceiba is totally gangsta. Also? I have that flower pin....Gap?

lizardek

That flower pin is frightening me. BUT, OH THE ADORABLENESS that is MAX! (and Ceiba, but OH MAX!)

Manda

I normally can't stand pets in clothes, but I just have to say that GangstaCeiba is too damn cute. :)

PoeticaL

Your dog and YOUR cat are beautiful. :-)

Fraulein N

How did you get the cat and dog to stay in your arms long enough for a picture? I know Ceiba's a sweetie, but my cat would've cut her. And then me, for trying to pull that shit.

m

Methinks that I have seen Ashlee Simpson wearing that jaunty hat that matches the Coach bag. I love watching train wrecks...

Serenity

Sorry, I'm just not buying the GangstaCeiba look. How can she be gangsta with that big grin on her face?

She looks more like, "Hi, I'm AboutToGoDrinkWaterFromThatToiletBowlAsSoonAsI GetThisStupidRedHoodedSweatshirtOffOfMeCeiba".

She is cute. I do agree with that.

Wendy

Prrrrretty puppy!

Shiz

Max IS heartbreakingly gorgeous!

And? Pretty necklace in the last pic.

jen

I see your Ashlee Simpson obsession and up you not one but TWO Olsen twins. My house is littered with Us, People, In Touch, and Star Magazines. (Star is the best because they bring the mean.)

Apparently the little darlings are having trouble because they had to start college in the middle of fashion week. Honestly, can you imagine the horror?

jen

Also? If you couldn't write yesterday, you should place the blame on the real culprits - Ashlee's band.

Amanda

I love the purse. The dog hoodie is something i would be cruel enough to do my own dogs.

Zoot

I'm curious as to how in the HELL Amy's Hair managed NOT to be attached to a scratch up face because she was holding Max and Ceiba at the same time! Do they get along now!

stinkerbell

like I said, if you buy the yarn Ill make you teh scarf or the hat :) I even gots references.

otherwise stop making me spray shit all over my frenchie puter looking at your gansta dog!

Shanna

The whole Ashlee S. thing is like a train wreck - you can't help but be caught up in it. Nothing like seeing a (talentless) star fall. :)

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