Blah De Bloo Blah Crap Entry
Cry Hard With a Vengeance

A Little Cop-Out

Oh my GOD y'all. What a day. What a fricking freaking fucking day.

I have a cold that will not quit, a sinus headache and a hacking cough like my three-packs-a-day uncle. Who died. And who I just made up because I couldn't think of anything and I needed a simile. I also stepped on my dog this morning and dropped the can opener on my cat. Then I ruined my Spiga shoes by spilling a gingerbread latte on them.

Then? When I went to write today's entry? I had this great idea to do a Drunk Amy Retrospective. Links to my drunk posts and a series of vignettes about Things Amy Has Done While Drunk And Found Out About Later. It was going to be brilliant. And then I looked at the calendar.

Wednesday. Shit.

So I compiled all of this week's Advice Smackdown questions, which were all wonderful, but I just wasn't feelin' any of them. Or even feeling them. Everything I wrote was just blah blah lame lame jump the shark blah. I just wasn't up for the hair advice as I had the worst stringy flat frizzy hair day ever today, combined with winter-onset dry skin and two nasty premenstrual zits. (Just except for the actual "premenstrual" part, as I STILL DO NOT OVULATE OR MENSTRUATE BECAUSE MY OVARIES ARE RETARDED.)

So I hope no one needed really urgent advice this week, because I suck. I also look as shitty as I feel if that's any comfort.

And now? I have just finished watching A Little Princess, which I TiVo'd last week and have been waiting for Jason to work late or go see strippers some night so I could wallow in my little-girl-sappiness. (Me: "But it was directed by Alfonso Cuaron! Who did Y tu Mama Tambien! With the threesome! So it's cool!" Jason: "Whatever.")

And lord, I cried like a baby. Full-on heaving sobbing with hiccups and tears and runny eye makeup. (Waterproof my ASS, Loreal.) It was the best cry ever. Even better than Steel Magnolias with Sally Field crying in the cemetery just before Olympia Dukakis is all, "Hit [Shirley Maclaine]!" and they all start laughing through the tears which is Dolly Parton's favorite emotion.

That scene doesn't hold a fucking candle to the end of A Little Princess. See, she's all hungry and tired from being a servant and she recognizes her father but he doesn't remember her because he has amnesia from the nerve gas from the war and Sara is all "PAPA! PAPA!" and sobbing and then the police drag her away in the rain and then that mystical Indian dude is all "SCHWAA WAA WAA WHAMMY" and her father is like, "SHIT!" and runs outside and screams "SARAAAAA!" just as the police are taking her away and the evil school mistress is all, "Fuck." and then they all hug and are crying and happy and wah.

It was awesome. I think I might watch it again.

So there's really no way I can do an Advice Smackdown in this schmoopy sappy state. I have absolutely no edge tonight. I really would just like to tell you stories about magic and how all people are good and all girls are princesses and la la la.

And y'all would just fucking hate that. So piss off. Til tomorrow, anyway.

Comments

Rachael

I get teared up just thinking about the end of that movie. I think I need to go have a moment.

mc

But wait, have you seen the Shirley Temple version? It is soooo good and sappy, and I really can't imagine anything better, especially on a day of suckiness. And, yes, I know - Shirley Temple. But it is GOOD.

Gypsy Mommy

You are the first person EVER to understand how wonderfully sad & terribly funny that scene from Steel Magnolia's is (to me and now you)!!! You are the Queen! AND on top of that I have bought The Little Princess not once but twice and I still don't have a copy because I soooo want to share (and I'm only child and don't share easily) the wonder and magic that is THE LITTLE PRINCESS so I keep giving it away!! I Loave That Movie!! When was it on? What channel? OMG - I Just remembered I think my mom bought me some Shirley Temple movies at a garage sale....I HOPE-HOPE-HOPE it has the Little Princess in it...I've never seen the Shirley Temple one.....I know, I know....SHUT UP ALREADY!!! Nitey-Nite!!

Oliquig

I need to number things, because I have been drinking and thoughts aren't quite up to paragraphs.

1. I watched that movie when it was on last week, and totally cried at the end. I even yelled, "Go get her!" Even though I've seen the movie many times before.

2. Love me some Steel Magnolias, am always saying, "I just want to hit something, and hit it hard." To which friends will respond, : "Here, take a whack at Ouiser!"

3. What a waste of Gingerbread latte, poor you.

4. This has zapped the rest of brain, must leave now. May tommorow bring you happiness, and pretty shiny hair.

Lisa

I OWN that movie. We love it. My 10 year old still covers her eyes from the time Sarah walks across the board until her father recognizes her. She can't stand it. I love when they walk up with the breakfast and robes and all. Beautiful film. Seen Indian in the Cupboard? Great movie too.

Mary

I've never seen this version. Will have to go rent it...if, for nothing else, than it stars Eleanor Bron as Miss Minchin. (She's a lovely British actress who starred in Help! with the Beatles...so I'm automatically a fan.)

Zoot

I've seen that nine-million times and LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

Oh - and the whole reason I TiVo Joan of Arcadia and Extreme Home Makeover is for the Bawl my eyes out like a baby factor. It's healing.

Sarcomical

i don't blame you, girl. that was my favorite book as a little kid. i used to use her trick of imagining herself in another place when she was getting yelled at. was that in the movie?

suck, i think i saw that too and didn't record it because it wasn't the old version with shirley temple in it that i watched a looooong time ago. and it was good? damn.

you just take your time and FEEL that schmoopiness, honey. because hell, you're still funny when you do it.

yogagirl

oh god. i'm one of those people that puts "steel magnolias" in the dvd when I *want* to ball my head off. sometimes i'll even ffwd to that section. just to wail. "WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!"

am lame..
yogagirl

ben

Whatever.


(HA! That was a joke! Did you laugh? Huh?)

I need to get this movie. My wife always (ALWAYS) cries at the end of the Abyss when he types "love you wife" on the armband communicator thingy. And I got a little misty when Lord Vader apologized at the end of episode III. No, wait, it was the old third episode, it's now the sixth episode. No, it was always the sixth episode, they just made it third. Ah shit.

I mean to say - I get it. And I'm gonna rent Little Princess and watch it while my wife is out looking at strippers. Really.

Coleen

Y'all, the Shirley Temple version has Arthur Treacher. Dancing. And Shirley tries to do ballet in the dream sequence. Dont' bust on the Temple is my motto, but girlfriend needed to stick with the tap shoes, is what I'm sayin.

I have not seen the Cuaron version, but since it doesn't stay true to the book's ending, I must see it now. MUST.

Heather

Dammit, how have I missed both versions?? The book always made me a little weepy, so I'm sure I'd lose it watching the film. Hope your hair bounces back to its shiny self tomorrow.

Sabine

I loooove that movie. That and "The Secret Garden". Those are movies that make my heart sing!

BTW - you cannot possibly look bad Amy. You are a very pretty lady, and one of the fortunate few that could be gorgeous and stylish in a potato sack and freakin' beanie! We'd all be sayin', "Gotta get me a potato sack and a beanie, cause that's what Amy is wearing!". So plllltttthhhh.

Roxie

Dang it! I've never seen the either version of A Little Princess. But, now I'm feeling as if I must do so. I'll send the hubby and three boys, ages 6, 9 & 18, to the strip club (or maybe some other "age appropriate" manly thing) and give it a whirl.
Here is a wierd coinkeedink. My boss was on a rant about other uncooperative employees and I grabbed a co-worker and said "hit her". The Steel Magnolia psychic connection spanned from DC all the way to the west coast. Creeeeepy!

kalisah

I am always quoting Steel Magnolias but nobody around me seems to get it. Another good one, "I don't know how you're doing on the inside, honey, but your hair's just holding up beautifully."

Sally Field et al is just so, so good in that scene that I sob and cry like somme hysterical trauma victim everytime I see that scene. And I must've watched that movie 50 times by now.

drivel

The best feel-good cry ever? Watch "An Affair to Remember". If I even think about Cary Grant realizing that Deborah Kerr really didn't stand him up at the Empire State Building, but that she was hit by a car and paralyzed, my eyes get watery.

Lee

I have one for you:

Empire of the Sun

If you don't cry at the end of that movie when Jamie's sees his parents then there is something wrong with you.

JoLynn

Amy, What is your gmail address?

suzanna danna

I just got back from out of town and I had to share... "The Notebook"... The book? Ka-Riiied like a leetle baby... the movie... Mister and I both, Ka-Riiied like leeetle bitches in the back row. Sa-hobbing even.

Big 6'5" man, Marine crying over James Garner loving his Alzheimer-ridden wife.

I ruined a whole tree's worth of napkins.

::sniff::

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