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October 2004
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December 2004

A Little Cop-Out

Oh my GOD y'all. What a day. What a fricking freaking fucking day. I have a cold that will not quit, a sinus headache and a hacking cough like my three-packs-a-day uncle. Who died. And who I just made up because I couldn't think of anything and I needed a simile. I also stepped on my dog this morning and dropped the can opener on my cat. Then I ruined my Spiga shoes by spilling a gingerbread latte on them. Then? When I went to write today's entry? I had this great idea to do a Drunk Amy Retrospective. Links to my drunk posts and a series of vignettes about Things Amy Has Done While Drunk And Found Out About Later. It was going to be brilliant. And then I looked at the calendar. Wednesday. Shit. So I compiled all of this week's Advice Smackdown questions, which were all wonderful, but I just wasn't feelin' any of them. Or even feeling them. Everything I wrote was just blah blah lame lame jump the shark blah. I just wasn't up for the hair advice as I had the worst stringy flat frizzy hair day ever today, combined with winter-onset dry skin... Read more →

Blah De Bloo Blah Crap Entry

So I'm pretty much all moved into the (new!) (window!) office. I still need pictures hung up on the walls and for some reason I don't have a name plate outside my door like everyone else. Maybe I'm not really here. Am an illusion! It's actually quite cozy in this office. I have lots of plants and pictures and sensual mood lighting and Muppet finger puppets and such. And yes, I can keep plants alive. I'm really good with plants, just not plants with flowers. I kill flowers. But I grow absolutely indestructible green leafy plant things. Jason grows orchids and does surprisingly well with them. What a weird, mixed-up household we have. I also managed to snag a second guest chair, so now I can have two people visit at the same time. I don't think I've ever had two people visit at the same time, but maybe that was just because I didn't have a chair. Dude, it's a paradox. I still wouldn't advise anyone to sit in my second guest chair though. The first chair I stole had a broken wheel, so I snuck it back and took another one. This one has two broken wheels. I've... Read more →

I've Arrived

Well, I'm here. I've mostly unpacked and have surveyed my kingdom. Which is mostly a parking garage. My coat hook is up. The sun is going down and giving my computer the holy glare of burning death. And my blinds totally hate me. But still. Love. Also never, ever want to move again, because zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Read more →

The Great Office Packing Diary

So right after yesterday's post, four amazingly wonderful things happened: Jason called to inform me that the gingerbread lattes are back at Starbucks. My mom emailed to inform me that she just ran into the Captain at the grocery store last week and he is fat. I re-Googlestalked him and found a photo of him AND his wife, and they are both hideous looking and lame. THEN Typepad updated its postie interface and now includes spellcheck (thank the good Lord in heaven), colors, bullets and (duh) numbering. WYSIWYG in the hizzouse! I could very much die happy right now, but I think I'll wait until I have a latte first. I also have so much else to live for! Like moving to my (new!) (window!) office! I'm supposed to be packing right now. I am procrastinating. Instead... Look! Double-jointed fingers! Aren't they cool? OK, time to pack. Packpackpack. 11:02 a.m. Stare very hard at orange crates. Wish for Jedi powers. Pout. 11:03 Get IM from Kristie re: gingerbread lattes. Mutual online drooling commences. 11:05 Drag empty crate to desk. Get wedged between wall and full heavy crate. 11:08 Years of playing tetris have done NOTHING for me. NOTHING. 11:11 Full... Read more →

About a Dog

It’s raining today, which means my leg hurts. Or aches. Or throbs. It’s hard to describe. And no, I never broke it and I don’t have arthritis and I can’t predict the weather with it like a trick thumb or something. (Though I do have double-jointed fingers, which are really cool and also disgusting.) The story of my leg goes back to high school (at least for this story, anyway, as I believe my leg was present some time before high school as well), when I was dating the captain of the football team at a school that was not mine. (My school didn’t have a football team. There was soccer, but only if no one lost the school’s one ball, and we just used kindergartners for goal posts.) The Captain of the Football Team went to a big and gorgeous high school with cheerleaders and art class and a Glee Club. I really meant to write a story about him for the Many Loves of Amalah series that I started and then abandoned when someone distracted me by jangling their shiny, pretty keys. It would make a really good story, except that I’d be super-torn about linking to the... Read more →

Morning After

Amy- Some of your posts can get quite dangerous, have you ever considered using a stunt double? -Stu Advice column? Today? Are you drunk? Or just from Ohio? (This may be one of those posts where I should use a stunt double, because it's all politicky and I am not a politicky person and will probably piss people off and get stuff thrown at me.) So apparently, Jason and I made a little wager last night. If Bush won, he was allowed to go buy a Mazda Miata, which he wantswantswants and I'm all, moneymoneymoney. Also fucking Ford Focus which is not paid off and is worth a teeny weeny fraction of what we actually owe on it. But! If Bush won, he could buy it because...well, I forget why. I also forget what I was supposed to get if Kerry won. I really need to not make wagers while drunk. I suck at them. Anyway. But whatever. I'm not sobbing, I'm not distraught, I'm not shaking my fist at the heavens in self-righteous rage. Frankly? Kerry never impressed me much. I never really got how he was going to fix everything. Or anything, really. And while I certainly think... Read more →


Y'ALL Y'ALL Y'ALLK Hi, am drunk. Election Day Drunk, an American tradition or whatever. Jason and I left work around 3:30 to go vote, and there was no line so we voted and then got margaritas. And have been drinking ever since. WHEEEE. Jason is fuckinhg watching STAR TREK y'all. And he voted for BUSH. And is watching STAR TREK. And is making fun of me for voting for kerry and reminding me that I am registered Republican which is true but shhhhhhhhhhhhhh. HOLY FUCK STAR TREK IS CREEPY SOMETIMES. I just got off the phone qwith Coleeen who is also drunk and also yelling at Jason to shut the fuck up about Bush leading in Florida. I told her I was going to drunkpost as I was falling off the bed so she says hi and you all look pretty. My dog is wearing a Livestrong bracelet around her neck and an "I VOTED" sticker on her butt., It is cute. Haaaa. Jason just says he is drunk. Am shocked. Shocked! And now hje's going to play a Star Wars Playstation game becasue he is a LAME DRUNK REPUBLICAN. And yet I would still totally have sex with him... Read more →

Voting Is More Fun Than Reading This Site

Blah blah bliddity dee vote vote cakes or P. Diddy will kill you etc. I tried to vote this morning, but the line was two hours long. And the line at the nearest Starbucks was even longer. So no. Later. Promise. Because D.C. three electoral votes are going to decide the election this year! I can feel it! We sort of matter! Actually, the only real influence Washington, D.C. has on the presidential election is the Washington Redskins Factor. If the Skins win their last home game before the election, the incumbent gets re-elected. If they lose, the challenger wins. Green Bay totally spanked the Skins on Sunday. SPANKED. So since I watched the game with extra intense patriotic interest, I feel I have already done my civic duty. I spent most of the weekend pretending not to be sick. And then I spent most of yesterday pretending not to be sick at work. And eating leftover Halloween candy. But that’s besides the point. But since I have no point, I will just tell you about my hair. I did not cut it all off. I got a trim. See? Long and flowy and hippie-like: Front: Back: Very exciting. Later,... Read more →