The Great Office Packing Diary
November 05, 2004
So right after yesterday's post, four amazingly wonderful things happened:
- Jason called to inform me that the gingerbread lattes are back at Starbucks.
- My mom emailed to inform me that she just ran into the Captain at the grocery store last week and he is fat.
- I re-Googlestalked him and found a photo of him AND his wife, and they are both hideous looking and lame.
- THEN Typepad updated its postie interface and now includes spellcheck (thank the good Lord in heaven), colors, bullets and (duh) numbering. WYSIWYG in the hizzouse!
I could very much die happy right now, but I think I'll wait until I have a latte first.
I also have so much else to live for! Like moving to my (new!) (window!) office! I'm supposed to be packing right now. I am procrastinating. Instead...
Look! Double-jointed fingers! Aren't they cool?
OK, time to pack. Packpackpack.
11:02 a.m. Stare very hard at orange crates. Wish for Jedi powers. Pout.
11:03 Get IM from Kristie re: gingerbread lattes. Mutual online drooling commences.
11:05 Drag empty crate to desk. Get wedged between wall and full heavy crate.
11:08 Years of playing tetris have done NOTHING for me. NOTHING.
11:11 Full crates out in hallway. Empty crates by desk. Open desk drawer.
11:12 Change mind, decide to pack old Wall Street Journals instead.
11:14 Should really recycle them, but then what would I use as a prop to look smart and informed? The talking Pets.com puppet?
11:15 Wrap Pets.com puppet in protective layer of Barron's and put in crate.
11:22 This is so boring. Pack space heater, fan, extra Gladware containers.
11:23 Bookends, oatmeal, peanut butter, honey and two boxes of teabags.
11:24 Also a rolodex. Did not know I owned a rolodex. Scan for celebrity names. None.
11:27 Time to pack top desk drawer of mystery. Tremble with anticipation over what will be found next.
11:28 Christmas cards, a ruler and file folder labels.
11:29 An autographed photo of Judith Light.
11:30 Paystubs dating back to 2001.
11:31 Wow, I've made money. Where did it all go? Oh. Right. The shopping.
11:32 A package of dried ancho chiles. OK, that's even weird for me.
11:33 Seven dayplanner pages; January 14-21, 2003. I went to the dentist on the 16th and had a meeting re: feasibility reqs 4 site enhance on the 19th. I hope it went well.
11:37 Thirty-five pages from my cat-a-day calendar that I have saved for some reason. Awww. Kitties. Squishy. Put in crate.
11:38 An OCD self-assessment worksheet, folded meticulously; not filled out.
11:41 Jackpot! A monster stash of napkins, salt, pepper and plastic cutlery.
11:43 A Pillsbury promotional recipe book for the holidays. Awesome. Just in time.
11:44 Canadian nickels, band-aids and a spare roll of scotch tape.
11:45 Chocolate-covered espresso beans. Buzzbuzzbuzz! Also eyeglass cleanser.
11:47 Hairbrush, lint roller, chap stick and hand lotion. Time to primp.
11:56 There is free pizza in the kitchen, but am supposed to interview an editorial assistant candidate any minute. Would it be bad to eat pizza during interview? Am starving.
11:57 Shit, I've got actual real-life WORK to do too. Editing and whatnot. Print deadlines and the like.
11:59 A card from Jason, a note from Mir and four thank-you cards I meant to send to wish-list gift givers.
12:01 Fuck the interview. Am getting pizza.
12:35 So okay, the INSTANT I got pizza it was interview time. But then my friend Sprocketeer was here with her brand new baby girl and I had to hold her and smell her head and then my coworker was all, "Amy, interview. Now. Put baby down" and I had to fly into my office holding a plate of cold pizza and shake hands with assistant candidate who probably thinks I am a crazy insane person who keeps dried ancho chiles in her desk.
12:37 (It was one of those interviews where halfway through I stopped quizzing her about herself and starting pitching the company and the position as the best thing ever and you totally want this job and oh my god, please work for us please please please.)
12:39 Am shill. Also cold pizza rules.
12:51 Since I figured some of you would totally think I am lying, I took a picture of just some of the stuff I found in my drawer.
Clockwise, from the thing on the wall: UPS delivery notice from 8/9/04, a lid for a Gladware container sans actual container, 35 cat calendar pages, cold pizza (from kitchen, not from drawer), lint roller, eyeglass cleaner, honey, small moldable snowman, dried ancho chiles, Christmas cards, stack o' paystubs, Judith Light.
12:57 More scotch tape and JCon swag. The hell?
1:00 Oh SHIT. That thing that I was supposed to fill out and give to that guy like, ages ago. Shit. Does he even work here anymore?
1:12 There is just Too Much Crap. Am going to drown in the Crap.
1:14 My calculator! Whee!Was wondering where that went.
1:17 Apparently my new desk is already in my new (window!) office. Yay!
1:31 OK, so I can only accomodate very skinny guests. Desk is huge and mammoth. Problem could be solved if I had them turn the desk to face the other direction but then people in the hallway can see my monitor. So no. Lose weight or just talk to me from the doorway.
1:33 From under the desk: more paystubs, three Sephora bags and that black jacket I thought my drycleaner stole.
1:34 Unpaid parking ticket, second notice. Shit.
1:36 A book of...poetry? Seriously, the hell? Am I accidentally packing up someone else's office?
1:39 Look at all the progress!
1:41 Look at all the crap!
1:46 The desk might still be covered, but at least all the drawers are empty.
1:47 Except for...
1:48 Goddamn motherfucking cockshit drawer with all the pens and rubber bands and whatever.
1:52 Holy hell. I have a print deadline in an HOUR. AN. HOUR.
2:05 Stupid corkboard with all the stupid thumbtacks is so boooooooring.
2:15 You know what is not boring though? Crate races.
We had a drag race in the widest hallway; Print Team vs. eComm Team. VP Mike and I were the Print Team Racers and we done SCHOOLED them eComm people. We kicked their asses and GOOD.
2:38 Am feeling a little seasick right now though.
2:45 Am in full "throw everything into crates with reckless disregard for breakables or spillables" mode. Finally, some progress!
2:47 Ew. What the hell is all over the inside of my minifridge? There's black sludge everywhere.
2:50 That looks like a "Monday" clean-up job to me.
2:51 If anyone would like to know what soups are being served at Panera, just ask me, for I have a schedule.
2:57 All sorts of ink-related nastiness in the bottom of my pen holder.
3:00 Print deadline! Bah! Another secret stash of Post-its! Am crazy Post-it Girl! Give me some candy!
3:05 Holy shit, y'all. I think I'm done. DONE!
Four hours, seven crates, 12 labels and seventeen bazillion pens and paper clips later, I am done. And I am so glad I'm leaving this office, because Christ, it's FILTHY. Am not a grown-up at all; am a little messy girl who never cleans her room but just shoves stuff in drawers or under the bed.
Or in big orange moving crates. And small Starbucks bags. Whatever.