About a Dog
I've Arrived

The Great Office Packing Diary

So right after yesterday's post, four amazingly wonderful things happened:

  1. Jason called to inform me that the gingerbread lattes are back at Starbucks.
  2. My mom emailed to inform me that she just ran into the Captain at the grocery store last week and he is fat.
  3. I re-Googlestalked him and found a photo of him AND his wife, and they are both hideous looking and lame.
  4. THEN Typepad updated its postie interface and now includes spellcheck (thank the good Lord in heaven), colors, bullets and (duh) numbering. WYSIWYG in the hizzouse!

I could very much die happy right now, but I think I'll wait until I have a latte first.

I also have so much else to live for! Like moving to my (new!) (window!) office! I'm supposed to be packing right now. I am procrastinating.  Instead...

Look! Double-jointed fingers! Aren't they cool?

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OK, time to pack. Packpackpack.

11:02 a.m. Stare very hard at orange crates. Wish for Jedi powers. Pout.

11:03 Get IM from Kristie re: gingerbread lattes. Mutual online drooling commences.

11:05 Drag empty crate to desk. Get wedged between wall and full heavy crate.

11:08 Years of playing tetris have done NOTHING for me. NOTHING.

11:11 Full crates out in hallway. Empty crates by desk. Open desk drawer.

11:12 Change mind, decide to pack old Wall Street Journals instead.

11:14 Should really recycle them, but then what would I use as a prop to look smart and informed? The talking Pets.com puppet?

11:15 Wrap Pets.com puppet in protective layer of Barron's and put in crate.

11:22 This is so boring. Pack space heater, fan, extra Gladware containers.

11:23 Bookends, oatmeal, peanut butter, honey and two boxes of teabags.

11:24 Also a rolodex. Did not know I owned a rolodex. Scan for celebrity names. None.

11:25 Bah.

11:27 Time to pack top desk drawer of mystery. Tremble with anticipation over what will be found next.

11:28 Christmas cards, a ruler and file folder labels.

11:29 An autographed photo of Judith Light.

11:30 Paystubs dating back to 2001.

11:31 Wow, I've made money. Where did it all go? Oh. Right. The shopping.

11:32 A package of dried ancho chiles. OK, that's even weird for me.

11:33 Seven dayplanner pages; January 14-21, 2003. I went to the dentist on the 16th and had a meeting re: feasibility reqs 4 site enhance on the 19th. I hope it went well.

11:37 Thirty-five pages from my cat-a-day calendar that I have saved for some reason. Awww. Kitties. Squishy. Put in crate.

11:38 An OCD self-assessment worksheet, folded meticulously; not filled out.

11:41 Jackpot! A monster stash of napkins, salt, pepper and plastic cutlery.

11:43 A Pillsbury promotional recipe book for the holidays. Awesome. Just in time.

11:44 Canadian nickels, band-aids and a spare roll of scotch tape.

11:45 Chocolate-covered espresso beans. Buzzbuzzbuzz! Also eyeglass cleanser.

11:47 Hairbrush, lint roller, chap stick and hand lotion. Time to primp.

11:52 Supremely bored. Check email. Mom is yelling because I voted for Kerry; the JLB is singularly obsessed with finding gingerbread lattes; someone joined my notifylist.

11:56 There is free pizza in the kitchen, but am supposed to interview an editorial assistant candidate any minute. Would it be bad to eat pizza during interview? Am starving.

11:57 Shit, I've got actual real-life WORK to do too. Editing and whatnot. Print deadlines and the like.

11:59 A card from Jason, a note from Mir and four thank-you cards I meant to send to wish-list gift givers.

12:01 Fuck the interview. Am getting pizza.

12:35 So okay, the INSTANT I got pizza it was interview time. But then my friend Sprocketeer was here with her brand new baby girl and I had to hold her and smell her head and then my coworker was all, "Amy, interview. Now. Put baby down" and I had to fly into my office holding a plate of cold pizza and shake hands with assistant candidate who probably thinks I am a crazy insane person who keeps dried ancho chiles in her desk.

12:37 (It was one of those interviews where halfway through I stopped quizzing her about herself and starting pitching the company and the position as the best thing ever and you totally want this job and oh my god, please work for us please please please.)

12:39 Am shill. Also cold pizza rules.

12:51 Since I figured some of you would totally think I am lying, I took a picture of just some of the stuff I found in my drawer.

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Clockwise, from the thing on the wall: UPS delivery notice from 8/9/04, a lid for a Gladware container sans actual container, 35 cat calendar pages, cold pizza (from kitchen, not from drawer), lint roller, eyeglass cleaner, honey, small moldable snowman, dried ancho chiles, Christmas cards, stack o' paystubs, Judith Light.

12:57 More scotch tape and JCon swag. The hell?

1:00 Oh SHIT. That thing that I was supposed to fill out and give to that guy like, ages ago. Shit. Does he even work here anymore?

1:12 There is just Too Much Crap. Am going to drown in the Crap.

1:14 My calculator! Whee!Was wondering where that went.

1:17 Apparently my new desk is already in my new (window!) office. Yay!

1:31 OK, so I can only accomodate very skinny guests. Desk is huge and mammoth. Problem could be solved if I had them turn the desk to face the other direction but then people in the hallway can see my monitor. So no. Lose weight or just talk to me from the doorway.

1:33 From under the desk: more paystubs, three Sephora bags and that black jacket I thought my drycleaner stole.

1:34 Unpaid parking ticket, second notice. Shit.

1:36 A book of...poetry? Seriously, the hell? Am I accidentally packing up someone else's office?

1:39 Look at all the progress!

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1:41 Look at all the crap!

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1:46 The desk might still be covered, but at least all the drawers are empty.

1:47 Except for...

1:47.4837 SHIT!

1:48 Goddamn motherfucking cockshit drawer with all the pens and rubber bands and whatever.

1:52 Holy hell. I have a print deadline in an HOUR. AN. HOUR.

2:05 Stupid corkboard with all the stupid thumbtacks is so boooooooring.

2:15 You know what is not boring though? Crate races.

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We had a drag race in the widest hallway; Print Team vs. eComm Team. VP Mike and I were the Print Team Racers and we done SCHOOLED them eComm people. We kicked their asses and GOOD.

2:38 Am feeling a little seasick right now though.

2:45 Am in full "throw everything into crates with reckless disregard for breakables or spillables" mode. Finally, some progress!

2:47 Ew. What the hell is all over the inside of my minifridge? There's black sludge everywhere.

2:50 That looks like a "Monday" clean-up job to me.

2:51 If anyone would like to know what soups are being served at Panera, just ask me, for I have a schedule.

2:57 All sorts of ink-related nastiness in the bottom of my pen holder.

3:00 Print deadline! Bah! Another secret stash of Post-its! Am crazy Post-it Girl! Give me some candy!

3:05 Holy shit, y'all. I think I'm done. DONE!

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Four hours, seven crates, 12 labels and seventeen bazillion pens and paper clips later, I am done. And I am so glad I'm leaving this office, because Christ, it's FILTHY. Am not a grown-up at all; am a little messy girl who never cleans her room but just shoves stuff in drawers or under the bed.

Or in big orange moving crates. And small Starbucks bags.  Whatever.

Comments

Shiz

Squeeeeeee! I LOVE AMALAH! I want to come work for you and have cart races in the hall! ROCK ON.

YouRock!YouRock!YouRock!YouRock!
YouRock!YouRock!YouRock!YouRock!
YouRock!YouRock!YouRock!YouRock!
YouRock!YouRock!YouRock!YouRock!

Lee

I notice you have on your protective safety sticky note eyewear for the crate races. Very Chic.

MamaKaren

You have the same crates and stickers (well, my labels were red, but otherwise just the same) we just had for our office moves two weeks ago! I wonder if you'll get the overbearing moving foreman who insisted upon calling me "Sunshine."

ben

"Lose weight or just talk to me from the doorway."


You are so freakin' awesome. I want to work there! And, you can so eat pizza during my interview. I won't even stare, much.

spammit

You? Make me giggle with squee. Yay Amalah!

Oliquig

Re: Gingerbread Lattes

The moment I read Type A's post I ran (technically I got in my car and drove, because 50 mph winds!!!) 5 blocks (am lazy) to nearest Starbucks.

Yum. Actually considered going back for more, but realized too many people had seen me drink the whole thing. Bad Oliquig was taunting others in a meeting.

Dawnie

I feel your pain. LORD, do I feel your pain. For I must do this for my entire APARTMENT. All of which resembles your office in the way that I have TONS of useless and random shit EVERYWHERE.

GAH.

Am tempted to sell it all and start over. Could then rent small trailer instead of big ol' truck.

suzanna danna

Heh. Find any good stuff in the Sephora bags?

Heather

Oh the squee! Your packing diaries are the funniest thing since sliced bread. Except sliced bread isn't funny. Dammit.

Mir

Okay, how much of a slumming SCHMUCK do I now feel like for having had a $.64 coffee from McD's this morning, now that I know there are gingerbread lattes back at Starbucks which I cannot even afford because I am an unemployed loser? I would cry, but I'm laughing too hard from the crate racing picture. It's bittersweet.

Shiz

I know have your crate picture up at my DESK. Because YOU? Are fonny.

Rachael

I like how your purse made it into the picture. My kind of girl!

Mary

Can I come work with you? Please? I will take half pay, because even half pay would be more than what I'm making now ($0). Plus, hello? FUN!

lizardek

Those double-jointed finger photos may give me nightmares for weeks! ow

Tjej

I still have Starbucks' gingerbread syrup that I bought when I went home to visit in March. (My old store was selling some for 99cents a BOTTLE): Unfortunately, when I make the lattes, it's just not the same. I need the Starbucks espresso to complete the flavor. Wanna FedeX some ovah?

Zoot

Typepad would get the cool featurs after I leave. However - cant you see that "text color" tool as one that could easily be abused?

I'm impressed you got all your packing donein one day....thats a lot of stuff. Cant wait to see pics of the new office!

jen

The gingerbread latte part made me squeal loud enought to wake my husband up two floors away. (An eggnog latte mention would have done the same.)

Once upon a time when I had a big career and a title, I had a window office. With a window that OPENED. Used to take conference calls on speaker phone just so the hoi polloi on the other end of the phone would hear traffic on the street below and know I was speaking from a window office. (And yes, eventually Karma bit me in the ass, but what a ride while it lasted!)

Fraulein N

I totally want to work in your office, what with the crate races and free pizza. And Post-Its. I love Post-Its.

But Amy? I think your fingers have scarred me for life.

Shiz

I still heart thee, Amalah. Happy (and heart to you) Monday morning!

type a

okay,
black sludge? diet coke
panera? chicken and wild rice. tuesday/thursday
cat calendar? match you, page for page

type a

oh, and your fingers are freaking me out a little. but just a little. still the best.

bmh

Gingerbread will never replace the love I have in my heart for Pumpkin Spice.

4 hours for the office move? I'm very impressed. I'm currently in the running for the longest move possible as I have been packing since June. Very. Easily. Distracted.

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