There Are Pet Photos at the End, Promise
November 18, 2004
SMALL TRAGEDY OF THE DAY #1: My hosiery had an unfortunate encounter with my car door, so I had to take them off. I'm wearing knee-high boots, but you can still see my knees, which is asbsolutely SCANDALOUS at my office. Bare knees! With no nude nylons to preserve my modesty! Can pasties and g-strings be far behind?
This tragedy is further tragidized, however, because I did not shave my legs. Thank the lord for blond hair and all, but eesh. I feel yicky.
SMALL TRAGEDY OF THE DAY #2: Red pen. Explosion. Carnage. Permanently stained skin. Bah.
And now, a bonus Wednesday(ish) Advice Smackdown question, as it is of the utmost urgency:
Dearest Q to the E-
Tonight I am making Jell-O shots for a bachelorette party this weekend. While they may be an immature and trashy shot, they are liked by many participants on the bachelorette bus. My question is, how do I make these and still make them tasty and not taste like you just drank a liter of vodka?
An impromptu Recipedown! Awesome!
Okay, Jello shooters are easy peasy. One small package of Jello (I prefer lime), one cup boiling water and one cup vodka. Mix the Jello and the water, stir, add vodka, stir again, pour into wee souffle cups and chill. Or freeze.
The seekrit is DO NOT USE SHITTY ASS VODKA. This strips the shooters of all camp value and demotes them right down to trailer trash nastiness and visions of frat boys passing around the Mad Dog 20/20. So buy nothing that comes in a big plastic jug with the name of your local liquor store on it in a medieval-looking font.
You buy Grey Goose. Or Belvedere. Expensive, but for real, the rest of your party essentials are freaking gelatin and paper cups. You can splurge here. Also, put the vodka in the freezer for a few hours BEFORE making the shots. Vodka kept anywhere other than the freezer is Vodka Cruelty and I believe we can end this horror in our lifetimes. We just need to work together.
Next weeK? A Very Special Thanksgiving Recipedown, as I show you how to make the World's Very Best Thanksgiving Everything, or at least how to make your husband do it.
And for now? Some random photos from my camera because I can't think of anything else to write about, and oh my God, did I honestly start off this entry by talking about LEG HAIR?
Jesus. This entry was doomed from the start. Gimme a Diarist award! Send money and book deals! I am the next Bridget Jones! Only skinnier! And hairer!
Only Max is aware that the evil Vacuum Cleaner lurks behind them, creeping ever closer, waiting for the perfect chance to devour them all. Your only hope is to blend into the couch.
Jason: The fear is his eyes amuses me. Mwa ha ha.
Ceiba: I wonder if I left the iron on.
(Well, yeah. She's pretty in sepia. Shut up.)
Ceiba: *dreams of shoes, maple syrup and becoming the Ultimate Fighting Champion*
Ceiba: Look! I'm a mummy! Look! Kitty! Look at me!
Max: *will not look*
Amy: *will kill camera operator*
Care Bear PJs: *are adorable*
Amy: HA! Let's put my "I Voted" sticker on the dog's butt. I bet that has NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE.
Jason: Yeah! And let's put my Livestrong bracelet around her neck, because we are SO FUCKING TRENDY.