Blah blah blah insert insincere apology for not posting here and random non-word stress sounds i.e. gaaaaaaaaaaaaah, aaaaeeeeeeeiiii, etc.
ANYWAY. It's almost Christmas, people, whattaya want from me? All I've been doing is shopping and cleaning and drinking.
Tonight I went to the MALL, like, in the SUBURBS and it was exhausting and a little frightening. Some of that was my own damn fault, as I was wandering aimlessly through an unfamiliar mall, without ever looking at the directory, in three-inch heels. Because I am a MORON.
Some of it was NOT my fault, but the fault of my very first purchase, which was much heavier than I anticipated and set off the alarms in EVERY STORE AFTERWARDS. The alarms would go off as I ENTERED the store, and by store number four I was like, "HELLO STORE, I AM A PRE-EMPTIVE SHOPLIFTER. THAT WAS YOUR WARNING." Only not. Mostly I just pretended that I didn't hear the alarms, which was really cool and believable.
Luckily, most of the mall employees felt kind of sorry for me, as I was clearly out of my element, wandering around in stilettos and an oversized clutch purse with a purchase possessed by the store-alarm devil. It's kind of sad when you realize the 16-year-old working the register at a woefully understocked Waldenbooks feels sorry for you.
Also, I would like to retract previously-made statements made previously on this site regarding Ugg Boots. I said they were ugly. And I made some tired Ugg/Ugh/Uggly joke too, for which I apologize for on the basis of humor.
But mostly I would like to apologize to Ugg Boots, because I misjudged them. I saw some very frumpy-looking people wearing them and looking extra frumpy, so I was all, ew, frumpy fashion victims.
But now I like them. Shut up. Am fickle.
Amy: Ew. Am so sick of those goatherding boots or whatever.
Jason: Really? I think they're cute.
Amy: Really? Oh. Me too!
BUT CAN I FIND THEM ANYWHERE? I CANNOT. Size 7 Sundance Uggs have vanished off the face of the retail earth, only to be found on eBay, marked up beyond belief. Or you can order them now and receive your pair in like, four months, when it's 80 degrees.
Uggs are now the Cabbage Patch Kids of 2004 and I am late to the early-morning toystore riot. And my heels are pinchy.
On a completely unrelated note that I remembered just now, someone at work called me pumpkin this morning. "Pumpkin." I call Ceiba pumpkin, because she is small and squishy and stupid, and also the color of pumpkin pie. I do not believe I am any of those things.
Amy: Dude, I just got called "pumpkin" by some guy. The hell?
Anonymous Yet Wise Source: When someone calls you babe, they want to fuck you. When someone calls you sweetie, they want you to do something for them. When someone calls you honey, they like you. When someone calls you pumpkin? Unless you are their two-year-old daughter - you must turn and run.
Speaking of that little furry slice of pumpkin pie (ew), here she is in her new Christmas sweater.
Her Nana sent it to her. I think Nana would like an actual grandchild. What do you think?