The Post-Christmas Pre-Birthday Drunkening
How to Write a Book

Happy Birthday, You Huge Freaking Pain in the Ass

Behold, the blank space of the unwritten entry!

So Christmas is over. My birthday is over. It was a glorious run. But now, it is over.

I am at home all this week, however, so I am not hitting the "oh shit I'm back at work and this is my life forever and ever" wall yet.

Instead, I am freaking out, because:

1) Our heat is not working. It is freeeeeeezing in here. Max and Ceiba have called a truce and are both leeching off my body heat under the covers.

2) Ceiba fell off the bed this morning and cried and limped and still seems to be walking funny but it could just be that she is cold.

3) I have not chosen winners for the Focker Swagathon, nor have I finished the playlist for my Amalah: The Album mix CD that will be the bonus prize for the winners because honestly, the Focker stuff is a pile of complete garbage.

4) I am trying to write a book. I have taken this week off for this express purpose. But I've hit the "six solid pages of literary gold followed by narrative implosion" wall that I hit every time I try to write something that is not:

   a) A really disorganized entry about assorted things I am freaking out about.

   b) List-related.

   c) Completely stupid.

So instead? Let's just talk about my birthday. Which was yesterday. I've been stressing to Jason for WEEKS about how I want to do NOTHING on my birthday except to relax, chill, veg out and etc. No parties, no friends, no fuss.

Jason: Well, that's good, because I wasn't planning a party and you don't have any friends.

Ha! I kid. But I really hate the Big Birthday Fuss, because honestly? I had no say in my arrival into this world and would rather be celebrated for actual accomplishments, like writing the next great American novel, or at least 3,165 words of it.

So I slept late, got breakfast in bed, re-admired my new Tiffany's necklace that Jason got for my birthday but I insisted on opening on Christmas, and then horribly abused Jason's good nature by responding to his offer to go see "any movie [I] wanted" by dragging him to The Phantom of the Opera.

(Have I ever mentioned that I have a horrible weak spot for horrible musical theater? I do. I own soundtracks, people. Original cast recording soundtracks!)

Jason, At The Theater: You sure you don't want to see Lemony Snicket? The Life Aquatic? Spanglish? Anything?

Amy, Digging In Her Birthday Girl Heels: Phantom. Of. The. Opera. There is singing! And melodrama! And then more singing!

Jason is so wonderful. He even refrained from killing me outright when I said (with great delight, as we taking our seats), "This movie is going to be so, so bad. I cannot wait."

And it was...well, it was not great. It was also three hours long, so it gave me tons of stuff to nitpick and overanalyze the rest of the day and show off my pretentious geekitude when it comes to Broadway musicals. And Jason LISTENED TO IT. All night! And he even NODDED. Like he CARED.

He also took me to dinner at Ceiba, the restaurant frpm whence our dog's name came from, and I got to wear all new clothes and carry my new sparkly black satin Coach bag and our menus said Happy Birthday Amy with like, three exclamation points and I got a very special birthday flan wish for dessert.

Amy, Peering Obnoxiously at the Next Table's Menus: Oh, it just says happy birthday on OUR menus. Not everybody's.

Jason: *sticks fork in eye*

Next year? I want a pony. Preferably one who can sing Broadway showtunes.



Seabiscuit:The Musical?


Happy Birthday Amalah! Wish I had the week off too...I think I hit that wall last Friday when I was one of three people here.

Scarlett Cyn

I'm politely requesting photos of:

a) Said Black Coach bag
b) Tiffany's necklace

Because dammit, you know better! (I'm such a materialistic bitch, I know! But I love me some pretty bags!)

*sobbing for lack of photos of which to drool over*

Scarlett Cyn



You can SO squeeze a picture of Ceiba into your novel. She's wee! and wears sweaters! How could novel-readers not appreciate that?

And photos of your Stupid Spoiled Whore Celebratory Birthday Tiffany's Necklace are in order. Please.


Amalah: The Album? I TOTALLY would've given the whole Focker Swagathon a stab if I knew there was a mix CD involved. Maybe I can snatch one as a prize in a future contest?

Musical theater rules, by the way -- no shame in your game. And good luck with the book. Try to stay warm.


First time visitor... you cracked me up.

Happy Birthday & good luck with that book!

type a

type a: you thought the focker stuff was garbage? really?

amy: shut the fuck up and finish my scarf. did you hear the part about our heat?


Happy belated! So glad your birthday was a good one!


Happy Belated Birthday Amalah!

I hope you got lots of toys, clothes, socks, and pots and pans, like my mom!


I am sorry to report that I saw the Focking movie on Sunday night - and I laughed. I laughed a lot. I also had polished off a pitcher of some kind of Lite Beer beforehand. So I would have probably laughed all through Phantom, too.

Anyways, I'm glad no winner has been selected from last week's Fock Off - it gives me hope that I could still win. I saw the movie with a potential love interest and I need to start collecting ALL memorabilia of our future relationship now. Won't he be surprised to ever come over to see I have built a flippin' SHRINE to our pre-"first date" date. Ha ha. I wouldn't do that. Really.

Pick me! Pick meee!


Happy belated birthday! I also have many, many soundtracks, including the one for "Mamma Mia." Which, I must confess, is pretty much just "ABBA Gold" with more people singing.


Hee. Also, do you think Jason will divorce me when I tell him that I still have every intention of buying Phantom of the Opera on DVD?

Real Girl

Erm, yes actually. Yes, I think he will...

Although I think I better start preparing Real Boy now for the yet-to-be-completed Rent movie.

Rent! The movie! Probably filmed in Canada or Australia beacuse hey, they look like New York too. Except so not.

Good luck with the writing...


At least the zany DC weather will be "mild" for the rest of the week...

suzanna danna

The hubby took me to Phantom last Wednesday night because he rocks and knows that I'm a bit of a musical dork (he even does Fosse jazz hands when bribed)... so last night, what surprise did he have in store for me when I got home?

Dodgeball! My JASON BATEMAN LOVE (needs caps) knows no bounds!!!!!

Glad your birthday was a happy one, good luck on the book Amy.


Happy belated birthday! Glad you had a lovely day, filled with musical goodness.

Fraulein N

Amalah, you deserve a pony next year, if only for writing 3,165 words of the Great American Novel. But only if there are pictures of your Spoiled Birthday Girl Swag.


my degree of dorkitude: have seen phantom something like 12 times (live). cannot bring myself to see the movie. what if it ruins it?

see? will die a lonely dorky death! but when i get there? there will be candles and some creepy dude in a gondolla...

Dr. Johnny Fever

I read a review today that compared Phantom to Ishtar.

Regarding your pony, do you ever take it off any sweet jumps?


ponies can't do sweet jumps, they're too short.

you can, however, use them to store your nunchucks in the saddlebags.


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