Wednesday Advice Smackdown
December 08, 2004
Our office Christmas party was yesterday, and I had such high entry-related hopes for it. But alas, it was very tame, and no one fell down, not even me.
Although there was a very dangerously slippery-looking dance floor, and my friend Sprocketeer kept daring me to go sliding across it on my knees while singing, "LET'S GET THIS STAR-AR-TED." I declined, but am still laughing at that mental image today.
But today is Wednesday, which means it's time to smack some advice down. So let's get this star-ar-ted with a question from Tonya:
Dearest Queen Amalah –
I have been wrestling with the idea of starting my very own blog. I have had a Live Journal thingy going for a couple of months now with very little traffic (although I have read your entry on how to up your traffic, therefore the shameless plug of my own journal here). My writing is nothing like that of the great Amalah, but there are things I feel I could offer the Internet community. Like my cat! The Internet NEEDS to see pictures of my cat! Currently it is more of a weight loss focused journal. But some day my husband and I would to travel down that road from “Childless & Happy About It, Hence All the Drinking” to “Trying to Conceive” to “Can You Believe What The Little Terror Did Last Night?” Not to mention that I have a laptop at home & cable Internet, ensuring a drunk post or two. My question is, what is the best way to go about setting up a blog? Do I go to Typepad or attempt Moveable Type? Or should I just start with Blogger or some other like service?
Also, and more importantly, how do I come up with a good tag line for my blog? It’s kind of like giving yourself your own nickname or catchphrase, something I’m not sure of how to go about doing.
Your Loyal Subject,
You should definitely start your own blog, but only if you promise not to be better at it than me. Also promise to not call it a blog, because I hate that word.
"Blog: Because Web Log Is Two Letters Too Many!"
(Heh. That would be a good tagline for your site. But too bad I thought of it first.)
Ahem. What? Oh. Your site. I'm partial to TypePad, because it gives you all the features of Movable Type without all the "HTML" and the "code" and the "make one mistake and fuck up your entire site forever" hassles. Plus, you don't need to install anything or find a hosting provider and stress about your server sharing bandwidth with some freaky porn site that involves clowns and pies.
But you do need to pay money, which is why a site through Blogspot might be better for you. I have two problems with Blogspot sites, because I am a Snooty Whore:
1) BLOGspot. There's that word again, and now it sounds like something you sneezed all over your pants.
2) TypePad and MT let you have your own jazzy little domain name, as opposed to www dot bloggityblogblogblog dot blogspot dot com.
(Wait, I lied. I have more than two problems.)
3) The comments suck. SUCK! I don't WANT to comment anonymously or log into the fake Blogger account I created just to avoid having to comment anonymously. I want to comment so all your readers will click on my link and go, "Hey, this site is even better than the one I was just reading! Awesome!" Blogger comments defeat me here.
4) Standard templates. There are some cool ones, but you're sharing them with 800 gajillion other blogs. (Although the same problem applies to the basic TypePad account, so pony up the money for a Pro subscription and you can CSS your little heart out or pay someone like me lots of money to design it for you.)
5) There are some CRAZY, CA-CA-CRAZY, BITCH FOOL ASS CRAZY people with Blogspot blogs. I fear it attracts them. Perhaps Blogger offers discounted broadband to insane asylums or something. I mean, I was just looking at a site the other day that looked like Crazy vomited all over Blogspot and this site contained everything that didn't make it into the toilet.
But it's free. And easy. And also free, so you don't need to be like me and despair over your bandwidth overages and worry about having to sell out and get Google ads or offer Queen of Everything trucker caps or something.
(Although perhaps my problems will all be solved now that I've gone and bashed on Blogger and I will have no more readers, ever. For I am bitch. Also the Blogger people might come break my kneecaps.)
For my birthday I was given Sebastian Potion 9. I am to assume this is some sort of hair stuff, as I got it from a friend who works in a salon. Have you heard of this, and if so, in your unerring hair wisdom, could you tell me what the heck to do with it?
I have not a clue. I've never used it, but according to the Sebastian people, it will fix everything that is wrong with your hair and also program your VCR. It appears to be either a hair moisturizer or de-oilifier or volumizer or de-frizzer or shinifier or split-end-mender or magic potion of love. Or all of the above.
Here's my Universal Advice for Mysterious Hair Products. On a non-important-day when you have no plans whatsoever, pour a small amount in your palm, rub your hands together and then run your fingers through towel-dried hair from roots to ends. Comb through. Style as desired, squint at reflection in mirror and declare it the Best Hair Day You Ever Had.
Or get back in the shower and re-shampoo if your hair looks like shit.
THERE ARE NO SEPHORA STROES IN VANCOUVER! Though I just found out there's one about an hour twenty minutes from me in Washington State. But before I drive all that way, have you smelled Peony Fleur de Sephora? Is it very pretty? I heart peonies. Do I want this fragrance? What other pretty, light & flowery and/or citrusy fragrances do I want? I have and like Clinique Happy (I KNOW; massive popularity makes it less likeable, but what can I say?)
I've also LOVED Calvin Klein's Eternity for, like, ever, but I've never gotten any and I've wondered if liking it puts me into the category of Total Fragrance Dorkness. I mean, Eternity was the "it" girl for a while in high school, along with Colors de Benetton, Tribe! (Barf), and Ex·cla·ma·tion! (Double barf). I feel the same way about Sunflower by Elizabeth Freaking Arden; like it, sometimes love it, but does that make me an Eau de Loser? Am I a total fragrance dorkwad? What do I do?
Help me Amalah-Wan-Kenobi, you're my only hope!
Gah! Colors de Benneton! Ex·cla·ma·tion! Sunflowers! You are looking at my adolescent fragrance hall of shame. (Along with Drakkar Noir, which every single boyfriend I had wore, so I would always get this weird feeling while making out with Boyfriend v.3.2 that I was back with Boyfriend v.2.1 who always reminded me of Boyfriend v.1.0. Yew.)
Oh, and this one time I got a free tiny wee sample of Lancôme's Trésor, and I made it last for three years. And then there was the Tommy Girl, like, decade.
I've never smelled Peony, so I will ignore that aspect of your question entirely and tell you about the perfumes I currently wear. (Amalah Stalker Wannabes, sharpen your pencils.)
Marc Jacobs. Yummy and properly expensive and since I love Marc's clothes and handbags so much I have brand loyalty to buy his perfume. (Which I'm sure he PERSONALLY created in his lab, spending hours and hours perfecting the balance of gardenia and musk. Marc! Marry me!) This perfume has flowery undertones with some spiciness. Or something. It smells pretty and makes Jason kiss my neck a lot. I would very much appreciate the Shimmer Body Powder, in case anyone was wondering what to buy me for no special reason.
Ralph by Ralph Lauren. This is my "casual" perfume. I cannot explain the distinction, but every woman needs at least one dressy fragrance and one casual fragrance. Although her decision to wear one instead of the other may have nothing to do with her wardrobe or her plans for the day. All women out there understand, I'm sure. This perfume is citrusy yet sweet and reminds me of the beach. It also gets my neck and cleavage area a lot of attention from Jason. Lucky bastard.
Got questions? Send them to firstname.lastname@example.org and then wipe that fool milk mustache off your face.