I am dedicated to posting today. I will post today.
What the hell am I supposed to post today?
Those of you who know me in real-life (and some of you who know me in semi-real-life) are aware that the shit? It be going down. All sorts of shit going down. There is some news and then there is some NEWS and then there is WORK and there is LIFE and there is STRESS STRESS STRESS.
And then there is me, writing repetitively worded sentences that make no sense because none of this shit going down is suitable for our Internet broadcast.
I have never, ever wanted a completely anonymous blog/journal SO BADLY than right now. There. That's all I can tell you.
So what the hell am I supposed to post today?
Man. I wish I wasn't too snotty for memes. Or that I trusted you lunatics enough to invite guest-blogging. Or that I could think of any of those other lazy-ass things bloggers do when they have nothing to write about. Audioblog? Cat photos? Advice Smackdowns?
I know! A list! A list of things that aren't connected and require no real context or narrative arc.
THINGS AMY HAS DONE, SAID, SEEN OR THOUGHT ABOUT SINCE SHE LAST UPDATED LIKE, THREE WEEKS AGO:
1. I cursed out some punk-ass kids in Adams Morgan for pelting passerbys with showballs and then realized that four of them were much taller than me, but continued to yell at them, possibly because I am crazy.
2. I crawled into bed and pulled the covers up only to discover that the dog had PEED in my BED and I was lying in WET DOG PEE STAINS.
3. I contemplated killing the dog.
4. We began hardcore, remedial housetraining of the dog, sans doggie litterbox.
5. The holes in my wall have finally been patched up. Now we must repaint. The odds of repainting being done anytime in the next six months: none to nonexistant.
6. Our coffee maker broke.
7. I cried.
8. We bought one of those pod coffee maker thingies.
9. In. Som. Nia.
10. I ordered shoes online in the middle of the night.
11. I wandered around the house barefoot in the middle of the night.
12. Right into doggie pee puddles.
13. I switched to decaf.
14. I fulfilled someone else's lifelong dream. And then totally made her give me credit for it and then wrote about here because I am a WHORE LIKE THAT.
15. I took Peaches 'n Cream Barbie out of the box and discovered that 20-year-old Barbie hair gets really weird and her feet totally swell after time and won't fit in her shoes.
16. I spent approximately eleventy hundred hours at work, wrote three hundred gazillion special reports, missed a deadline, took a nap at my desk, woke up drooling an hour later, made a deadline, yelled at someone, barely refrained from hugging my new assistant because of all the LOVE and the COMPETANCE and switched to decaf. Again. I mean it this time.
And a lot of other stuff happened too. But I forget. It's kind of a blur. Is it February yet?
Anyway. If y'all can just keep sitting tight for a little while longer I promise there are good things coming. Coherant sentances and humorous stories and the long-awaited focking mix-tape masterpiece and maybe a even a grand ambitious move to Movable Type.
But probably not, because who the hell am I kidding? I'm on DECAF people. For like, another hour or something because I am falling assslllllllep rigt noww and zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.