In Which I Please Everybody Except People Who Want Actual Intelligent Writing
January 07, 2005
In response to the many De-Lurking Day requests, I present a photo essay about the pets, the shoes, and the drunk. Also cows.
First up, just to make everyone happy...
(I took these all last night, when both pets were feeling especially squirmy and blurry and did not feel like being photographed. But I tried. FOR YOU.)
Next up, the drunk. New Year's Eve drunk!
This is Jen. And me. At Jen's house, which was where the party be at, bitches. We have only had three, maybe four glasses of champagne by now, tops.
This is Jason. And Mike, who is engaged to Jen, whose house it was, where the party, it be at.
You can SEE Jen trying to lean away from my terrifyingly large flower pin. She's all, "Put down the camera and HELP ME."
Do not ask me how I got my hair to do whatever it is doing in this picture. With the flowing and the curling. I may have made a one-night pact with the devil.
God help us. The white girls are dancing, and they are dancing to Snoop Dogg, and Amy has busted out her patented "Praise Be to Jesus" dance move.
Jen: I want YOU to put that muthafuckin' camera down THIS INSTANT or else I'll get Snoop down here to put a cap in yo' ass.
Erin: Hee. Being drunk is fun!
Amy: *not pictured, possibly because she was eating all the mini-quiches*
Honestly? I have no idea. Was I trying to kill Erin? Make out with her? Force her to smell the flower pin?
Uh-huh. We may be too drunk to stand up anymore, but we are BAD ASS GANGSTAS. Also pictured: Unidentified feet.
Jason: Yep. Y'all keep having fun there. I'll be over here on the couch, with my water, being all responsible-like. Fuckers.
Next up, more drunk! Drunk cows!
Translation: I was drunk, and decided to take pictures of cows. We were wandering past a local art gallery and were confronted by many, many paintings of cows. Just...cows.
I don't even know where to begin. Weiner! Udderly! Nudes! Cows! January!
I went to put the camera away, and there were MORE COWS. In my new Christmas Coach purse, next to my Chanel lip gloss. COWS.
What? This was SO FUNNY at the time I took the pictures. You have no idea how funny.
Do fuzzy slippers satisfy the shoe people? No? Well, life is just full of bitter disappointments now, isn't it?