In Which I Please Everybody Except People Who Want Actual Intelligent Writing
January 07, 2005
In response to the many De-Lurking Day requests, I present a photo essay about the pets, the shoes, and the drunk. Also cows.
First up, just to make everyone happy...
(I took these all last night, when both pets were feeling especially squirmy and blurry and did not feel like being photographed. But I tried. FOR YOU.)
Next up, the drunk. New Year's Eve drunk!
This is Jen. And me. At Jen's house, which was where the party be at, bitches. We have only had three, maybe four glasses of champagne by now, tops.
This is Jason. And Mike, who is engaged to Jen, whose house it was, where the party, it be at.
You can SEE Jen trying to lean away from my terrifyingly large flower pin. She's all, "Put down the camera and HELP ME."
Do not ask me how I got my hair to do whatever it is doing in this picture. With the flowing and the curling. I may have made a one-night pact with the devil.
God help us. The white girls are dancing, and they are dancing to Snoop Dogg, and Amy has busted out her patented "Praise Be to Jesus" dance move.
Jen: I want YOU to put that muthafuckin' camera down THIS INSTANT or else I'll get Snoop down here to put a cap in yo' ass.
Erin: Hee. Being drunk is fun!
Amy: *not pictured, possibly because she was eating all the mini-quiches*
Honestly? I have no idea. Was I trying to kill Erin? Make out with her? Force her to smell the flower pin?
Uh-huh. We may be too drunk to stand up anymore, but we are BAD ASS GANGSTAS. Also pictured: Unidentified feet.
Jason: Yep. Y'all keep having fun there. I'll be over here on the couch, with my water, being all responsible-like. Fuckers.
Next up, more drunk! Drunk cows!
Translation: I was drunk, and decided to take pictures of cows. We were wandering past a local art gallery and were confronted by many, many paintings of cows. Just...cows.
But then...
I don't even know where to begin. Weiner! Udderly! Nudes! Cows! January!
But then...
MOOOOOO!
I went to put the camera away, and there were MORE COWS. In my new Christmas Coach purse, next to my Chanel lip gloss. COWS.
What? This was SO FUNNY at the time I took the pictures. You have no idea how funny.
Shut up.
Do fuzzy slippers satisfy the shoe people? No? Well, life is just full of bitter disappointments now, isn't it?
Shut up.
Another HILARIOUS post from the Amazing Amy that has completely brightened my otherwise dark, sad little corner of the world. GOD, I'm so glad I found your site. Because before I did, well...where was the brightness that filled my otherwise dark, sad little corner of the world?
Yeah. I need to get a life. I know.
I am giddy with the giddiness of posting my first feedback to you, Miz A.
Love the shot of "dog with squinty eyes" as that is frequently how I look in pics, too.
That's it, I'm out. (What an UNfabulous first port. Alas.)
Augh.. and I made a mistake in my first post!!!
Post, not port, dammit!
Jason's look clearly says "she may be drunk, but I'm taking her home tonight bitches".
that first cow looks like he's in jail.
moooo
Even when shitfaced, you look all snazzy and cute. When I'm drunk, I involuntarily make scary faces at the camera and look all disheveled. No fair.
Oh how I love a drunken Amalah entry. Except for the cows, that was my new years eve as well.
Which Chanel lipgloss do you use? This lip gloss addict needs a new fix.
I LOVE THE "Praise Be to Jesus" MOVE! And the unidentified feet! MOO! Here's to Amy getting drunk! Here's to another cool party that I WASN'T EVEN INVITED TO! MOO!
Reminds me of a very funny line, the eighth comment down on this forum: http://www.putdownthedonut.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=47;t=000006
"Moo, moo, Motherfucker"
Wait. Hold on. Are you sure you live in D.C.? 'Cause that party looks like it was held in straight-up mothafuckin Compton. Or the LBC. On a mission to find Mr. Warren G?
Amalah, you're about as urban as me. And why, according to my co-worker, am I urban? Because yesterday I said, "She wants to get up on that."
(That was in reference to Kate and Sawyer on Lost)
White regulators....mount up!
I'm impressed that you managed to get both animals--but especially the cat--into this many photos. And while holding them AND the camera, no less! My cat won't be held for more than 13.2 seconds anyway, and if you try to do anything else with a free arm? Forget it. She requires two-armed support for that 13.2 seconds.
HOlY SHIT. That night. God. Why do you have to let us relive it?!!!
I don't recall half those photos being taken. Perhaps it was because I was being a miserable, failure of a bulemic upstairs in the bathroom?
Great site, Amy. I am now a loyal reader.
Cheers! Jax
I heart drunk photos. They're just so much more....alive than regular photos, no? Also? Cows. Cows are good.
Am I high? Or is that a feline-looking apparition to the right of the furry leopard slippers?
Please tell me I'm high...and where I can get some more.
Damn, cow... You got served.
Ha! You are not high, that's actually Ceiba running full-speed towards the couch, where she would soon jump and drag one of the fuzzy slippers right off my foot.
It has not been seen since.
i have 800,000 blurry-asa-running-at-full-speed pictures. but my slippers are bunnies. or bunny-shaped.
i've been at work for ten point five hours now. do i have to be articulate?
i'm probably going to need to come to your house and talk to your pets in that really annoying, high-pitched voice that people talk to animals in.
Be that the famous Chanel lip gloss in Flash? Just seeing it makes my little heart race.
I just loave the one where the three of you are on the floor and going all "Stop, in the name of love" or is that just "fuck, in the name of love?"
Yo.
You could be cuter, but I DON'T SEE HOW.
your kids are cute.
and your friends are pretty. like you. heeeee.
you guys look like you could kick some serious ASS. ;)
Do you have those big-ass dental floss wands for Max and Ceiba too? I think they were freaking out in your arms when they caught sight of them. (Love those wands, btw. I keep the travel kind in my bag constantly.) Looks like you had a great time at the party. Happy New Year!
Hee, that cow does indeed look like it's in jail. Now that is a BAD ASS GANGSTA.
I am so calling you out. You weren't dancing to Snoop Dog. You were doing the YMCA dance, weren't you? Ha! I KNEW it.
because no one says enough about Max, i love his blue eyes!
Hey girl, you looked great! Your hair must have known that you were going to a kick ass party so it got it's act together and looked especially beautiful for you. I love it when that happens. Also? in my opinion slippers are the best shoe most days. I wish I could wear slippers to work everyday like that crazy lady whose office is down the hall from mine.
I love drunk pictures, except the ones of me, dancing on the bar, dressed like a Catholic School girl. YIKES! The memories! Maybe you should have people send in there favorite/unfavorite drunk picture and have a contest to see who has the most flattering/unflattering pictures. Wouldn't it be fun to post them and ridicule your faithful readers?
The easiest way to make a day better, especially one where I have a test, is to read a little bit of Amy's funny.
Lmao. Very funny.
Although those slippers are not what I exactly get off on, but it's a nice effort. ;-) :-P
aw, cats love being photographed! almost as much as they like hugs. thanks for taking one for the team there. how many claw marks did you walk away with?