Wednesday Advice Smackdown


So. Hi!

I am dedicated to posting today. I will post today.

What the hell am I supposed to post today?

Those of you who know me in real-life (and some of you who know me in semi-real-life) are aware that the shit? It be going down. All sorts of shit going down. There is some news and then there is some NEWS and then there is WORK and there is LIFE and there is STRESS STRESS STRESS.

And then there is me, writing repetitively worded sentences that make no sense because none of this shit going down is suitable for our Internet broadcast.

I have never, ever wanted a completely anonymous blog/journal SO BADLY than right now. There. That's all I can tell you.

So what the hell am I supposed to post today?

Man. I wish I wasn't too snotty for memes. Or that I trusted you lunatics enough to invite guest-blogging. Or that I could think of any of those other lazy-ass things bloggers do when they have nothing to write about. Audioblog? Cat photos? Advice Smackdowns?

I know! A list! A list of things that aren't connected and require no real context or narrative arc.


1. I cursed out some punk-ass kids in Adams Morgan for pelting passerbys with showballs and then realized that four of them were much taller than me, but continued to yell at them, possibly because I am crazy.

2. I crawled into bed and pulled the covers up only to discover that the dog had PEED in my BED and I was lying in WET DOG PEE STAINS.

3. I contemplated killing the dog.

4. We began hardcore, remedial housetraining of the dog, sans doggie litterbox.

5. The holes in my wall have finally been patched up. Now we must repaint. The odds of repainting being done anytime in the next six months: none to nonexistant.

6. Our coffee maker broke.

7. I cried.

8. We bought one of those pod coffee maker thingies.

9. In. Som. Nia.

10. I ordered shoes online in the middle of the night.

11. I wandered around the house barefoot in the middle of the night.

12. Right into doggie pee puddles.

13. I switched to decaf.

14. I fulfilled someone else's lifelong dream. And then totally made her give me credit for it and then wrote about here because I am a WHORE LIKE THAT.

15. I took Peaches 'n Cream Barbie out of the box and discovered that 20-year-old Barbie hair gets really weird and her feet totally swell after time and won't fit in her shoes.

16. I spent approximately eleventy hundred hours at work, wrote three hundred gazillion special reports, missed a deadline, took a nap at my desk, woke up drooling an hour later, made a deadline, yelled at someone, barely refrained from hugging my new assistant because of all the LOVE and the COMPETANCE and switched to decaf. Again. I mean it this time.

And a lot of other stuff happened too. But I forget. It's kind of a blur. Is it February yet?

Anyway. If y'all can just keep sitting tight for a little while longer I promise there are good things coming. Coherant sentances and humorous stories and the long-awaited focking mix-tape masterpiece and maybe a even a grand ambitious move to Movable Type.

But probably not, because who the hell am I kidding? I'm on DECAF people. For like, another hour or something because I am falling assslllllllep rigt noww and zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.



Yay, updates! Rock. Get some caff, girl.


I would totally have sex with my pod machine if it were physically possible. I loaaave it so.

And you are SUCH a fecking tease! Seriously. Pony up with the good dirt! Us non-real-life people need details of the shit that is going down.

Real Girl

Curses with the hints of dramatic turmoil and complete absence of fulfillment! Maybe this is why I should watch more reality television. Although, as I write this, I'm watching a TAPED hour of American Idol. So...maybe not.

And maybe Peaches N Cream just needs some V05 Hot oil?


Hmmm. I yelled at some punks the other day for jumping off the stairs at my office on their skateboards. Because I am one thousand years old.


Weeeeee! Decaf!


You know how Andrew Sullivan has those periodic fundraising drives? You should consider something similar for your domestic chores. I'm sure any number of your DC area would love to come over and repaint the f'd up holes in your house in exchange for a blog mention. I'd offer, but my arm is still in a sling due to a recent attack. Yeah - bear attack!


Er...make that "your DC area fans." Frikkin' bear attack injury impedes my typing.


Decaf = pregnant????


February starts tomorrow with my 1/2 birthday. You can send presents if you would like. I like things bought in the middle of the night but nothing involving urine or something an animal SHAT.


Darcy is out of the box too. But she's drinking caffeinated coffee because she says decaf is for crazies.


I always thought of decaf coffee to be much like non-alcoholic beer or say, Star Jones...what's the fucking point?

Bond Girl

You evil temptress!! Tempting with your seductive, mysterious goings-on. I hate you for it! How I hate it. But only because I really, really want to know what's so BIG and also, untellable.


Maybe Peaches and Cream Barbie is retaining water, try giving her a diuretic.


When I saw the Notify, I thought "Hallelujah, if Amy's posting, that must mean this horrible, horrible January is finally over." But there's still this entire day to get through before this focking month finally ends.

Glad you're back, even though now I'm insanely curious about "news you can't spill."


Delurking because tired of lurking.
I yell at punks all the time just 'cos they're there. That's not nice is it? I am a thousand years old AND cranky.


Maybe you could tell us the secret stuff via NotifyList. Because then it wouldn't be public for all the world to see, it would just be in the inboxes of your loyal readers, all of whom are DYING to know what's up. We will keep it a secret and we'll be supportive and helpful. Promise.


ooooh - good idea about Notify List.

PLeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease tell us. . .


I never post (read: neva-eva) but I had to just to say after reading the comments I feel so much better about myself now that I know that I'm not the only nosy-rosy whore out there that is really curious to all the aforementioned shat that's been going on that cannot be etched upon this blog and made public.

Did anyone actually manage to muddle through that extremely wordy run-on comment I just posted?


The dog pee thing had me rolling in laughter. Although I'm sure having a leaky dog is not adding to the fun-ness factor in your life right now. And if you switch to decaf, do it slowly. The headaches are almost worse than the insomnia.


Amalah, you are so funny. But you would feel better if you really didn't drink ANY coffee.
Duh? Anxiety? Insomnia? I would miss you if you stopped being crazy, but maybe you should consider acupuncture. It is good for making people muy fertile and less nutso.
Just sayin'.


Ugh, doggie potty training is the WORST. We have a 6 month old Husky who still has relapses from time to time. Either she's really that dumb to remember to go outside to pee or she's doing it on purpose to drive us crazy. I think it's the second one.

Oh, and I'm also trying to make the jump to MT but right now I'm stuck on technicalities. I know zero about code but don't want to keep bugging the smart MT users for help. So if you figure it out, clue me in!


come on - decaf is for sissies.


Hint: half decaf, half regular. When you're used to THAT, maybe you can switch to all decaf. For real.

Thinking about you with LOVE and PEACE and major JOY and EMPATHY. Rock on. This too shall pass. I think.


come on - decaf is for sissies.


Ugh, dog pee! Our cat used to pee on our bed every time she was unhappy with us. Which ended up being a lot more often than one would think a pampered cat had reason to be. But then we got her a sister and all the peeing stopped. Not sure why that worked, but we thank our lucky stars that it did! Oh, and once, her sister, the other cat, pooped in our bed and my husband laid his hand right in it!

type a

i can't wait for the "good things to come" to come!

hurry hurry! am impatient!!


This entry is vaguely unsatisfying. Like decaf.


take it easy as best you can. we'll be really happy when you have loav.. I mean, time for us again. ;)

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