Scenes From A Pregnancy
Home Alone

An Entry About My Underwear

What? No Wednesday Advice Smackdown?

Well, yeah, no. First of all, it's clear that the vast majority of you have no interest in seeking advice from Amalah v.2.0, Babymaking Edition, as the question queue is quite sparse.

Second of all, you are very, very wise.

You should not be coming to me with your hair and makeup and fashion queries right now, because I no longer feel superiorly gorgeous and fashionable. In fact, I'm an absolute disaster.

People, my underwear doesn't fit.

I've lost buttons on about four pairs of work pants already, but dagnabbit, I'm still wearing them. That's what that little extra hook is for, right? And safety pins? Plus, it's one less thing to do in the bathroom when I'm dashingohmygodIhavetopeepeepeethisinstant.

Mornings are no longer about me gazing at my many wardrobe options and putting together something fun -- they're about me justifying that no one at work will notice if I wear those stretchy black pants for the third time this week, and do I have any stretchy cotton underwear left that won't show panty lines too badly? No? Bah. Oh well. I'm sure as hell not going to attempt one of those delicate lacy thongs again -- the imprints of the fabric were visible on my skin for two days straight last week.

(To add insult to injury, my bras still fit.)

Then I go downstairs and convince myself that I don't need to wear foundation because I have lovely glowing pregnant skin. Also, I'm too lazy. Also, I thought pregnancy was supposed to make my hair all Breck Girl Fantastic? Why is my hair looking so...bad? Eh. Clip it up, pin it back, good enough.

Why don't I care? Why am I showing up for work with no concealer under my eyes and Saltine crumbs down my shirt? Why is my stomach pooching out at only seven weeks along? What kind of monstrous spawnbaby am I incubating?

Yesterday, I had my first real dry-heave-near-puke experience, and I didn't even move my purse out of the way.

Who is this slobbish nightmare? Can granny panties and Mom Jeans be far behind?

In other news, I actually threw up this morning. Several times. And while I was mostly thinking that I wasn't sure I have ever felt so miserable, the Crazy Post-Infertility Pregnant Lady part of me was all, "YAY!"





Have no fear - that sounds like my typical morning, and I'm nowhere near pregnant.


NOOOOOOO!!! Not the Mom Jeans!


Way to go on the puking thing, Amy. Sorry about the underwear thing. Especially the bra part because I can tell that really bugs you. But promise us all something...the mom jeans? Yeah, stay away from those, hmm?


Ok, lets start with the pants. Get a hair elastic and loop one end over the button, feed the other end through the buttonhole and loop the other end around the button. Make sure you are wearing a belt or shirt that covers it.

Also, the hair and skin? Gotta wait until the second trimester usually for it to vastly improve. Everyone said I was glowing when I was about 4-5 months along. Although I imagine I would appear to be glowing after the greenish pallor my face had for the first 3 months.

And a word of caution. After this baby is born, be forwarned that all the hair thickness that pregnancy brings will go away. In big clumps. Down the drain. It's better you know now than freak out thinking you are going bald later.

And please, next time move the purse. You may not care when you are retching, but seeing damage done to it may cause you to start heaving again.

Personally, I'm LOVING Amalah v2.0.


Just give in to the granny panties. The relief is enormous and immediate. Don't believe the folks who say you can still wear your sexy little bikinis and thongs, rolled down under your belly. They lie. THIRTEEN YEARS AGO I gave it up to the granny panties, and I can still remember the sense of relief. Ahhhhh....


I refused to wear maternity granny panties. You don't need it yet, but they make maternity bikini underwear nowadays- extra butt coverage, but waistline below the belly instead of right up under your boobs. Low waisted maternity jeans, too...

For now, just buy a few packages of stretchy or bikini underwear in a size larger than your regular one- you can use them right after tadpole is born as well. You needn't sacrifice fashion in order to gestate, I promise!!


Mom jeans.heh heh ...and monstorous spawnbaby..You made me cough on my coffee with that one:)


what about boyshorts? I love boyshorts - they are the best underwear ever.


Have you tried Hanky Panky thongs, style #4911? (Mir is laughing at me right now, thinking I must be their spokesperson, as I recommended them to her a few weeks ago. I am just a loyal customer, I swear!)

They are CRAZY stretchy. So stretchy that they are one size fits all. They are so wonderful that The Wall Street Journal published an article about their awesomeness. SO COMFY. More comfy than any of the granny panties I've ever owned. Might be worth a try.


I, too, must suggest boy shorts. I feel as though they will continue to make your butt look good long into your pregnancy. And Amalah, I love you, but no Mom Jeans, m'kay?

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cannot wait to see you in those maternity jeans, with the wide elastic band. we'll pretend it's some funky kimono thing.


So, I'm TOTALLY the wrong person to recommend anything skivvy-wise, being the kind of gal that's lucky if she remembers to wear undies at all.


But.....YEAH! Every gross little hair/skin/underwear issue, every lil' dribble of vomit means you're having a BABY!! YEAHH!!!!

I join all above who say that they LURVE Amalah v2.0 Keep it comin'!!





No advice, just a lift. And you know what else? You're pretty. So, sooooo pretty.

Dr. Johnny Fever

One of my favorite things about my wife's pregnancies was her throw-up sound. It sounded like she was trying to pass an angry sheep through her esophagus.

Real Girl

I know it's been said already here, but you KNOW how I feel about La Boy Brief, and here's my link that includes places to buy (although, I apologize for the couple dated links--this be from November.):

And from what I hear--though I'm no expert--your hair just doesn't shed much when your preggers, right? But then, after the blessed event, it kind of...makes up for all those unsheddy months?

As for the disregard for basic make-up and beauty care? We call that being "natural." You are just "fresh faced." And not at all "So unable to care."


Wow, I am learning new things everyday from you and a select few commenters on this whole pregnancy thing. It's almost better than buying a book on the subject! (And it's also a great cure for baby fever.)

Hang in there, we all still think you're pretty. And I know that they do make cute maternity clothes because I've seen them - this is a good excuse to go shopping again. :)
I feel your pain on the boob thing. I have a feeling that will happen to me too, as I have that kind of luck. And also I wasn't blessed in that department to begin with. *sigh*


No MOM JEANS! My good friend just had her baby and since we work for snobby fancy retailer when she got to her "I don't care if I look like crap" phase (you know, week five) she adopted the Thunderwear + Gap Maternity jeans/bootcut pants = passable look. She stopped caring completely by month seven but rest assured, she is back to her old self again now that the baby has arrived.

But word on the hair loss, she leave clumps everywhere.

And I too, am loving Amalah v2.0

RockStar Mommy

I feel your pain. At 9 1/2 weeks, I can't button up any of my jeans anymore. And since I refuse to buy maternity clothes until the second trimester, I'm spending all my money buying fat jeans, which is totally depressing the hell out of me.


My early days of pregnancy savior was the simple rubber band. Follow the procedure detailed in Amy's comment above...looping through the pant fastener...gave lots more mileage to pants that would otherwise have been abandoned.

Panties. I refused to do maternity panties. Hideous! Wore ones that went UNDER the ginormous belly.

The key is to do whatever is comfortable for you...and screw what anyone else thinks. Kind of an extended play version of when you get to be "The Bride" but perhaps looking slightly less glamorous. (But still glowy!)


Yay for the vomiting!! At least you got the wicked evilness out!

And quit bitching (I'm just saying this emphatically, PLEASE don't actually quit bitching) because you are undoubtedly going to be one of those obnoxiously cute preggies with the adorable and perfectly round hump, who walks around looking lovely in her tiny weeny maternity clothes.

The first trimester is the worst, but you'll blink soon and it will be over. Blink again and your tadpole will be walking and talking and and blowing you kisses.


I feel your pain. At 15 weeks along in my second pregnancy, I'm already starting to feel like a beached whale. Nothing fits. I tossed out all my maternity clothes from the first go-round ages ago, figuring it would be a while before I did this again, if I ever did it again. Wrong solution. Not that it matters, because I've got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'm going to get twice as big this time.

Why is it that the makers of maternity clothes seem to have the idea that all pregnant women want to dress up like overly ruffled easter eggs? Why, why, why?

I honestly think that if I could get away with wearing my flannel pajama pants to work, I'd so be living in them right now.


I have one word for you Amalah .. LOVEPATS. They are the dandiest undies ever invented! Stretchy microfiber, flesh colored, and they do not leave the VPL (visible panty lines) that we all detest. You can get them at Wal-Mart (and probably Target too, your fave!!)


These undies are big, have a polar bear, and are saying "Mother Fucker". I do believe these might be pregnancy panties.


Maybe I could hook you up with my friend's grandma-in-law. She gave all her grandson's wives & girlfriends weird granny underwear in their Christmas stockings. After they opened their gifts she generously announced that if the undies did not fit, she had some elastic and could alter them.


I love your site! Do you know I found it randomly googling "How to tell your family to fuck off"? lol, I am really not an evil person. Congrats on the pregnancy and keep the updates coming, we love them! Post another picture of your belly and let us see if you really are getting bigger!


I can't believe it has not been mentioned yet:

Why not go commando?

Okay, I know why, not enough men reading your blog. Hmmph!

And we SO can't wait to hear about your excess boobage, which should be coming along any time now. Really.

Jenny has great maternity/nursing stuff, and a page of links with other places to try. Japanese Weekend makes some beautiful maternity clothes.

I totally went commando towards the end, because I carried so low that my panties would just slide right off. Ah, the misfortune of being 5' and pregnant with 8 pounders. I looked like the nosecone on a 747.


Oh, honey. You're not insane. Just pregnant.

I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend Hanes Her Way Sporty String Bikinis for pregnancy. The "string" part is a misnomer; it's really a nice thick elastic band. As boring underwear goes, they're not too bad, and they will fit comfortably under your belly. Plus they are CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP.

I also recommend ginger (ginger ale or ginger tea) for the nausea. Hang in there.


Hello there,
When I was pregnant, I really liked the Japanese Weekend underwear (bikini, below the belly). They are just awesome, and actually, I like all of their stuff. And, surprisingly, I actually miss my maternity jeans (okay, only kind of) because I love the convenience of just pulling them up and not having to bother with buttons and belts. Don't wait too long on getting them -- there are actually some cute pants out there, I promise. The low waisted ones are quite comfy.
I can totally relate to the puking part of your post. Unfortunately, I was dry heaving in the mornings into my 9th month, but just in the mornings, and every tired/sick moment was worth it when I saw my little girl (now 9 months old).
So I have been lurking for a bit and was so happy to hear of your pregnancy! Best of luck to you...


Leopard-print Victoria Secret pajamas, with the elastic waistband under the belly, no panties, good to go. Only you can't leave the house.

alternately, Cacique string bikinis, worn under the belly. When that doesn't work, give in to the white cotton panties -- "Spanky Pants" is what my husband fondly call granny pants.


The thing about your pants not fitting? That'll end soon. It's called bloat. Shortly, you'll be back in all your fab clothes for a few more weeks yet. Beware the zits. Just beware the zits.


New reader here, as far as the granny panties you'll be wearing them from about month 7 until about 3 months after you give birth unless you are one of those lucky ones who only gain weight in your tummy(i.e. no me). As for mom jeans, do they even make them anymore? And please, PLEASE wear proper maternity clothes; nothing looks more pathetic than a very much pregnant woman trying to stuff herself into her regular clothes.

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